I am 25 (almost 26) and my girlfriend (sort of fiance) is 17 turning 18, do you think the age gap is too big?

[TwinkieToes]

We met on June 1st. We talk every single day.

She is 17 and I am 25. I'll turn 26 before she turns 18, although our birthdays are just 2 months apart.

She is my girlfriend. Although we talk about getting married a lot and our plans to get married, so she is sort of like my fiance. We are going to start courting immediately the day I meet her in person.

We video chat, talk on the phone, email each other, and talk on various platforms

She is my first actual girlfriend I would say. She is is virgin who has never kissed or even had a boyfriend.

We both live 9 hours away from each other.

Yesterday we exchanged "I love you"'s and talked about sex on our first wedding night.

She is a devout Catholic and we will not have sex or even kiss until our wedding night.

Yes

No

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I have to say yes. The stages of life a person is in at 17/18 vs. 25/26 are completely different, not to mention that at 17/18, a person's brain is not fully developed yet, plus they have very minimal life experience and are likely going to change a lot within the next few years. Just think back to 2011/2012 when you were her age and see how much different your life is now. I know that personally for me, I am nowhere near the same person I was at 17 or 18, and all of my plans and goals, my outlook on life, as well as what I want in a partner have changed.

Not to mention that depending on what both of your life experiences are like, the stages in life you're in, and what your plans and goals are, it may be harder to relate. An 8-year age difference is quite a bit more extreme when comparing a teenager and mid-late 20's adult vs. two people in their 30's+, simply because so much change happens in a person's life been their late teens and mid-late 20's.

Have you met her in person at all yet? Even if you've done extensive video chatting, phone calls, messaging, etc., meeting in person may be quite a bit different.

I'm by no means trying to tell you what to do or be negative, but just want to give you a few things to think about. I would at least wait awhile before getting engaged and discussing marriage, as 17/18 is awfully young to be taking such a big step. If it's meant to be, it will still be an option a few years down the road, but there's no need to rush into it.

[ShyKI]

Just wait till she's 18 to do all that. Then age won't really matter, it'll just be your relationship against the world. But do have in mind you'll be her first everything. Don't flinch at the fact that once she's more older you might not be who she wants anymore. She never got the chance to really be with others so just be prepared for hard times and doubt later on. I was actually in this same situation myself when I was 17 turning 18, I was with a guy 25, turning 26. I gave him my all, only for him to choose school over me. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it just shows how far a part our worlds were. I had just graduated highschool and didn't really know where I belonged. He was graduating college knowing exactly where he was going. He had to focus on him and I had to focus on me. Those are very important things. I still hold our memories in my heart, but I can't see an 'us' anymore. I realized he's not my ideal person anymore, and we just don't fit.

[jennifer_bloom]

If your serious about her wait until she turns 18 - it’s just a month or year away and it will save you the dangers of jail or social ridicule

[Anonymous]

I’m more curious as to how you even began talking to a 17 year old and the fact that she may have been 16 when you first started talking, but I digress. I don’t think marriage is a wise conversation or decision to make right now. You are nearly 30, your friends around you are having kids and settling down, therefore you are very much in that frame of mind. She is young and starry eyed. Having an older man not only show interest but talking about marriage, it’s more of a fairytale to her especially if she is still in high school. I dare say you are taking advantage of her youthful ideals and mindset and running away with it. Have you even spoken with her family? Are you two very exclusive?

[Opinion Owner]

*concerned not curious

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

Ahhhh this opinion made me rethink my opinion 😩

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

I want to know the age this all started as well

[TwinkieToes]

Her parents seem to really like me. I have spoke to her mom a couple of times on the phone. I even talked to her dad at the very beginning.

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

When was the beginning, parental consent isn’t really much help since I believe there’s been parents that allowed their 13 year old to engage in a relationship with a 30 something year old teacher and he later came out talking about how that really messed him up.
Im also a parent so age really does matter, I thought you meant you met her like at 17 but now I def want to know when you really met her because that’s a major major difference in scenario

[TwinkieToes]

@laPrincesitaRoxi

I met her June 1st. She was 17 and is still 17.

[Opinion Owner]

@twinkietoes June 1st? It’s been 2 months and you’re already indulging a teenagers thoughts of marriage? I’m not trying to shame you, because obviously you intend on staying with her, but dude just be smart. Don’t rush things along because you’re eager for marriage. Like I said, you’re frame of mind right now, nearly 30 and with a child already at that, is far different.

[Opinion Owner]

@laprincesitaroxi I remember that! And they have like two daughters now, such a crazy case! But you also have to keep in mind that that is one of few modern occurrences when that situation works out in the end. Not to say that the askers wouldn’t, but I think it would be a lot different if she were a bit older, as opposed to probably fresh out of high school and having an older man show so much interest. It’s so easy to be dazzled by thoughts of marriage and being a wife and mother until it’s there on her plate at 18.

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

Yes dude it’s sad to think he really got groomed badly though and his parents just allowed it :/
But back to user yes I agree with what you said this is pretty much grooming, she’s freshly 17 and of course she’s gonna fall for it what 17 year old wouldn’t realistically :/
The only right thing to do is wait till she’s at least 25 when her mind is mentally mature enough fs to make such a huge decision for herself

[Opinion Owner]

@laprincesitsroxi I totally agree! The whole situation was just sad. But I completely agree, and hopefully the asker is actually reading these lol but waiting would be best. See where her frame of mind is even by 20! But not as a teenager, it’s too much of him to expect her to be a wife and also a mother, even as a stepmom, she’s have to assume a certain position and it’s just a lot.

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

Well I would typically come down hard on someone your age for being with a teen but from the sounds of it it’s very appropriate and not just you lusting over a vulnerable teen.
I think you should go for it if it feels right :)

[Dinklex3]

Honestly seems like you're preying and trying to trap a young innocent girl with zero life experience.
🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

bruh