I broke up with my aspergers boyfriend because of extreme stubbornness. Does this make me a bad person?

[Anonymous]

So I basically had to break up with my aspergers boyfriend, since I am not able to cope with his extreme stubbornness anymore. I know he has no one except me, and that I was the only one he got ever close to and shared feelings with, but his extreme stubbornness and I mean extrem, is just unbearable. Aside from the fact that he would almost never ever make time for me when I wanted, but always when in fact I didn't want it, when it was for example already very late, there was an experience I had that just gave me the rest. He was really ill and the doctor said he had to take antibiotics, but he didn't take them. It went to an extreme where I had to see him suffer every day and knew he could eventually die. I cried and begged him to take them, but he didn't. I had extreme panic attacks because of it, as I thought he was gonna die. Anyways I broke up with him afterwards, because I couldn't live with someone that would risk dying rather than just stop being stubborn and take the medication. Even though I feel bad for him, it was just something I could not deal with anymore. Of course it is hard for me too, since I had a really deep bond with him. But this extreme stubbornness is just too much. And he was like that all the time. He had no emphathy at all when it came to the things he was stubborn about. It is hard for me to move on, as I am still thinking that maybe I am the bad person as I should not force anyone to do anything. But I don't know.

[btbc92]

You had to leave because this was toxic. Not because he had Aspergers. I think what you have to realize is that as an adult he had to make his own choices, and you cannot try to control what he does even if you are in a relationship with him, or because he had a mental disability. It doesn't make you a bad person, but I would suggest that you reevaluate WHY you chose to get into this relationship with him, seek professional counseling yourself for the anxiety, etc, and think long term about what to do if you encounter yourself about to date somebody who is either mentally/physically ill, disabled, struggling, etc. But what you have to remember is:

1. You are NOT responsible for him. You can only be potentially responsible for the legal ramifications that can affect his mental health if it is proven that it was. So be careful for now on about that.

2. He is a grown MAN. Unless he lives with his parents. You have to treat him as such, but remember that he is struggling with this. What you need to see is that your anxiety wasn't helping him either. You can't force him to take or do anything. You can't make assumptions that he just wants to die. You don't really know that. And even if he said it, he still may not know himself.

3. He has nobody but you. He needed to make his own friends and relationships, and instead, he was caught up with you. That was already toxic, to begin with. It would be more difficult given his problems. But it is not impossible. Just know that he is in need of really finding himself as a person and what he wants to do with his life.

4. In my opinion. You are way too young to be handling something that a caregiver should do. You are not a caregiver, you are a girlfriend. And what he needed was a caregiver more than a dating partner.

Overall, learn from this, forgive him and yourself, and focus on your own healing and decisions for now on. Maybe check up on him once in the while if he agrees, but don't push for anything. Respect his choices as he needs to respect yours.

[On_cloud_wine]

Why didn’t he take the antibiotics? And no, you’re not wrong for leaving... seems to have caused you stress because you care so much. Stress killz

[Asker]

Cause he does not like them and thinks they are "unhealthy"

[On_cloud_wine]

I’m like that too. Big Parma’s a scam

[mdot415]

No because you need to consider YOUR health first. Breakups suck but you made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that he had to ask you out first

[asshole_]

yeah