Why do people turn heartless after a breakup?

[Anonymous]

I’m asking this for myself too. I’ve turned pretty emotionless since. Why do you think it happens, ESPECIALLY to guys they always end up not wanting a relationship for years.

[Aysen]

When you've invested so much dedication, affection and time to your significant other, you become very attached to them emotionally, like you feel connected as one with them. When that moment arrives when the break-up occurs, it feels so sudden and your heart is in complete shock, which then manifests itself into confusion, anger and sadness all at the same time. That's when you instinctually put walls up around your heart and become "heartless" soon afterwards to numb the pain you've embraced.

In a situation like this, you either become "heartless" because you're too afraid of being emotionally hurt from an experience like that again or you intentionally shut your emotions down forcefully so you can focus on moving forward, even when it's difficult to do so. Many of us want to feel like we belong to someone; to be entwined with a lover who we can share our moments and journey with down the road of life. Our heart is fragile and when that sense of trust and belongingness shatter before our eyes, it can change the way we view life, relationships specifically. Some people stay "heartless" for life, others take months, even years for their heart to be vulnerable again.

This is a time to self-focus on yourself and ask what you want going forward. Do you need a long break to think things through? Do you wish to close your heart permanently to avoid anymore potential heartaches? You'll find closure when you aim for what you really want and break out of that cycle of "heartlessness". Hope this helps with your situation!

[MannMitAntworten]

Being heartless and not wanting a relationship for years are not the same thing. Heartless mean they are cold, nasty, or even hateful. Not wanting a relationship for years can have multiple reasons beyond merely being broken up with. I went years between my recent relationship and the one before it. However, I dated a LOT during that time but just took years before meeting someone again where I felt a strong liking towards them. I wasn’t remotely heartless between the years. Granted I might me “heartless” now since my recent breakup but I say this in a different context than the usual way in which someone is considered heartless... she took my heart with her and left me feeling indifferent anymore to a degree where I just don’t feel like dating material let alone relationship material anymore. I don’t hate or resent her or women in general at all and still have women friends I get along with, but that is just it, I just friend zone every woman I meet anymore because I just feel I have nothing left in me to give.


I suppose that could one day change. I just don’t see it happening.

[Alyssa11]

This resonated so much with me. You put it so accurately, wow.

[MannMitAntworten]

Thanks Alyssa.

[Alyssa11]

Healing my friend, healing...

I am kinda the same but I am also focussing on trying to be in tune with my emotions cause the clock is ticking and I'm tryna have a family in my 20s! Lol.

[Alyssa11]

Thanks for MHO! :)

[Lycirian]

It is something like self defense. You are just not that careless anymore like before. This is your Instinct but don't close uo yourself. Met knew people doesn't matter boy or girl. Just be yourseof and be happy. Your Instinct will tell you what to do.

[smeechyfillz]

If they're broken up with especially if it was a serious relationship it decimates them. They lose all faith in the opposite sex and just want hook ups or nothing at all,, until they feel like they're lonely and miss having a significant other and are willing to try again. If they do the breaking up chances are the significant other fucked up some how. But everyones different. Just going off of personal experiences

[Oigit]

Emotionally I keep myself behind several walls. Also in general its not easy to get me to open up to a person on a emotional level. So after a break up I start putting those walls back up and do retreat into myself.

[RHK36]

Because either it's your first time being heartbroken, too sensitive or you're dramatic. Either way if you allow yourself to move forward and given some time, you will get over it.

[DeeToPlay]

It's for a level of protection for your heart. Directly after a breakup we are all good and vulnerable.

[boggboss]

Because they no longer care once that happens its all bets off

[Wise4myage]

I'm guessing its normal to feel that way, but you will eventually get over it. If it goes on for years, then its probably a sign of something bigger going on.

[Unit1]

We grow a need for revenge, which is natural. However random members of the opposite sex do not deserve being discharged on.

[Anonymous]

Cause they gave their heart to another too rashly and their heart was damaged. Now they are heartless and usually they dont let it heal, they keep trying to have hookup sex and further damage the heart

[LEADFOOTboi]

cuz of the failure... horts inside... dont want another rn