A guy in the relationship was in touch with his female friend but she was just a friend. Long into the relationship, as things were not going smooth , he badly needed an escape. One day, he received a message from that female friend and he remembered that sometime in the past, he planned to go on outing with her. So, he asks her , will she be interested, she was like why not. Anyway, the plan was made and the concern of accommodation came up. intent of cheatingThe guy said, since it will be late in night to return, he will book the room and instead of two room, he only booked one. He thought if things happen, he will let them happen. Fast forward to the planned date, unfortunately, that guy could not go because of some health issues. And now fast forward to current relationship, when he discloses that information to his girl, his girl says it is cheating but the guy insists since anything has not happened between them, it can not be considered cheating. Now, I want to ask you people what do you think, is it cheating or it is not?
Should intent of cheating be considered cheating or not?
The intent was to cheat and therefore I consider it as cheating.
I place it par with emotional cheating which is, for example, watching pornographic content while in a relation and without the knowledge or consent of the partner.
Perhaps here is only remorse or an unforeseen event that prevented the cheating to take place but the intention was indeed to let it happen and cheat if the opportunity arose.
To me, that is no different than the act of physical/emotional cheating in itself.
Thanks. By the way, I had lied a little, the act was done by girl not his boyfriend. I asked from the context of boy because many people start to defend girl citing the emotional issues
The reason for that I got was that, nothing was going good in relationship, we were hardly talking, less seeing each other. So it was natural to happen. Instead, she tried to argue that before our relationship I had string of casual relationships. I really don't know what to do of her now
If you feel that the situation is tense, why don't you make a list of topics you feel both of you have an issue and besides each item, you bring a reply that you think would help the situation. Then ask him to do a similar list and also to write down how he sees improvement.
Then you sit together and attempt to find a consensus, bearing in mind that none of you should be angry or upset. That would falsify the outcome and rather than to help, this would only make things worse. Also, trying to impose one's view onto the other is not the right solution because the one or the other is under pressure to act on that imposition. Good luck.
Then I see no solution to your problem. She is obviously ready and willing to break up this relation. Let her go because she seems to be a toxic person and the longer you try to accommodate her moods, the more you are going to be pulled into this toxicity.
It is unlikely that there will be a positive outcome.
Use of the word "cheating" is counterproductive because people get into arguments with parsing words to try to minimize the significance of their behavior. So forget "cheating."
Here's the important question. Did the guy do something that violated his partner's trust? Did he do something that he hid from his partner because he knew it could cause the end of their relationship? Did he do something that is going to cause his partner to doubt his loyalty in the future?
You know the answers to all of those questions even though you may not want to publicly acknowledge the answers. Final question: How would you feel if your girlfriend engaged in that same behavior with a guy from her past?
1.) He didn't book two rooms 2.) He made it clear, "He thought if things happen, he will let them happen".
So while some look at the fact that it never occurred, he didn't go out of his way to protect his relationship with his girlfriend.
Look at his actions and intent, he put more effort in cheating than respecting his relationship.
That is cheating and she's in the right to be upset and frankly, this is grounds for ending the relationship. The guy has confirmed through his actions, that he doesn't have the willpower and discipline required to be in a relationship.
If he's supposed to be in a committed relationship with the girl, then arranging to go on a date with someone else is a betrayal of trust. It is cheating, because the motive for his actions was to date another girl. It's irrelevant that he didn't actually go in the date.
The guy in question is trying to justify cheating with manipulation. I bet if did go on a date with another girl, he'd still say it's not cheating. He'd probably say "we only had a meal together, so I didn't cheat " lol
The intent to cheat is cheating. It’s literally just one step away from doing the down and dirty. If you’re okay with cheating then it shows you are not happy in your relationship or missing something to where you’re looking elsewhere for it. Cheating is a form of high disrespect towards your partner. In my opinion if someone has the intention of cheating it’s only a matter of time they do. I personally wouldn’t be able to trust someone who has the intention of cheating as you’d be like sitting there wondering when they gonna to do it. A relationship is all about trust without that it’s nothing and it the intention to cheat was made known then that’s the trust gone from there on is just a slippery slip down hill.
Even though he may not have intentions of cheating, his actions are inevitably trying to create a situation where he can't avoid cheating or at least be tempted to cheat. What is this nonsense "instead of two room, he only booked one", and "if things happen, he will let them happen"? He is obviously asking for trouble, by creating a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding. Firstly, no communication, no sense of responsibility, doesn't seem to have the basic respect for SO. Why are they even together in the same place?
@__inkRat I don't understand what you are rambling here or why suddenly you insult me for no good reason, accusing me of cheating when I did nothing. I'm not the asker here. In the first place, he shouldn't have gone out on an outing with that friend alone. You can disagree with my opinion but there's no need for insults. What the hell is wrong with you?
Just turning your own words against you "his actions are inevitably trying to create a situation where he can't avoid cheating or at least be tempted to cheat". can't avoid cheating, really wtf.
@__inkRat He and that female friend is going to that outing together, just the two of them. They are also going to be sleeping together etc. in that one bedroom. You are naive if you feel nothing is gonna happen between them. The asker already said "if things happen, he will let them happen". He made a choice already when he said that.
long story short, going to confess one thing - the incident was not happened in that way, first reverse the role - the hotel room booking, going for an escape was done by a girl not the boy. Second, she did not convey this story to his boyfriend, she conveyed it to me as I am her friend, I just told straight on her face that I think whatever you did was wrong doesn't matter what phase you were going through. She kept insisting that it is not until you actually do the crime.
In my opinion actual cheating and the intent to cheat are pretty much the same in terms of seriousness. Because regardless of what happened or not, the (intending) cheater's massive disrespect for his partner is the same either way. That it didn't happen does not take away from the fact that he was uncaring, cruel, and so utterly disrespectful of her and their relationship that he wanted/hoped to betray her.
If he was unhappy in the relationship, and didn't want to discuss the issues, they should have simply broken up.
Absolutely. He was planning on cheating but was unable to because he got sick. That doesn't excuse him at all. He still would've done it if he was able to. If the intent was there then it's the same.
It's still the same. If people are having problems in their relationship then they should work on their problems together. Relationships aren't always going to be sunshine and rainbows. If they cannot work past their problems then the relationship needs to end before cheating happens and someone gets hurt worse than if they just broke up.
yes, this is exactly what I wanted to hear. This was my whole argument during the conversation, that if you want to get involved with other person, leave this one first and then go and do whatever you want
let's just say that I am kind of hooking up with this girl from some time. And she says she feels involved with me which feels great (no doubt) but at the same time she is too much fixated on my past while what I had in past was string of casual relationships. But, this particular instance of cheating was something she did in her previous relationship. So, when for the next time she started to argue with me about my past , I brought up this issue and surprisingly, she first did not accept if it even counts as cheating and then later she was like she doesn't feel any remorse for that either. Now after one day, she is agreeing that what she did was wrong but she still doesn't feel any guilt for that. So, I am kind of confused that If I even should consider going forward with her or should I take exit
I don't think you should to be completely honest. She doesn't sound like a trustworthy person to me. Especially if she didn't have any remorse for what she did.
I wouldn't say so. I've had plenty of casual flings lol and I managed to find my soul mate. I don't believe anyone's sexual past should have any effect on a current relationship.
the feeling of not feeling guilt actually makes me more concerned about her than other thing. It's like she is saying that she is still gonna do the same and she won't care it for next time
It is cheating in my opinion. The only reason he didn't cheat was not because he felt bad or he had remorse or changed his mind last minute. He only didn't go because he got sick. So, I agree with the girl. He intended to cheat and would probably do it again seeing as he doesn't even feel bad or remorseful.
No but I think that if you catch your boyfriend or girlfriend attempting to do this that you should have the right to attempt to forgive them then change your mind quickly and kick their ass to the curb... Preferably in an unwelcome situation with friends or family watching too, to add salt to their wounds and humiliate them. Why not? They did it to you first, afterall.
Depends on how far and what evidence is available. If you can get charged for intent for a crime then yes intent of cheating is cheating.
Where it became cheating was the planning ahead and also booking one room knowing the odds of something happening were likely. Also excluding the information about said overnight trip to the girlfriend until after plans fell through.
No I would definitely say no Sometimes when your feeling alone You wouldn't necessarily sure the empathy is there to talk about how they are hurting So it leads to possibly talking to someone but have no intention of meeting because they don't want things to fall a part in their current relationship Its most probably a cry out to you to have a heart to heart and sort things out to how they use to be
To me it is, because if everything fell right you would have cheated. Just own it, break up with your girlfriend before you go out burying one in some other chick.
no... thats the problem in some serious legal matters... you can't charge someone for intent, except for a self proclaimed (or other PROOF) intent to commit homicide...
the person left to their own decisions may have went through with it, but this we can never know, and neither can they... but if it didn't happen, it can't be considered as something that DID happen... if it didn't happen, no one cheated... case closed!
Thanks. By the way, I had lied a little, the act was done by girl not his boyfriend. I asked from the context of boy because many people start to defend girl citing the emotional issues. But, I guess your opinion applies to girl as well
Thanks. By the way, I had lied a little, the act was done by girl not his boyfriend. I asked from the context of boy because many people start to defend girl citing the emotional issues. But, I guess your opinion applies to girl as well
Here's why it's cheating. You placed your most closes feelings and emotions with someone outside of your primary relationship. This is called an emotional affair. I will tell you, if this were me and we ended up in a hotel room together, I would be fucking her brains out. I many cases emotional affairs turn physical when the parties actually meet up.
Don't fuck around with another woman if you want to keep the one you've got.
As an ex-cheater who's been through it all and corrected his ways, I say yes, yes it is, period.
Imagine it happening to you, your girlfriend downloaded Tinder on her phone and she's seeking new guys but she hadn't actually done anything with any guy yet, how would you feel?
It depends on the person's definition of cheating. If your partner includes thinking about the chance of having sex with someone other than your SO as cheating, the guy cheated. Some only consider sex as cheating. To me, the guy cheated.
No. It's not cheating. It's a sign that they may have some issues. And if SHE insists it's cheating, they definitely have issues. But it's not cheating, no.
It was a thought. An inclination. A passing fancy. Something he didn't act on, and something he told her about. It's a sign they may have some issues. But it's not cheating.
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