My boyfriend said I’m too affectionate and stayed in a hotel secretly, am I overreacting?

[ACW100]

My boyfriend of 4 years and I’ve been living together for 7 months. Recently he said that I was too touchy and affectionate and he needed some space (he was careful and polite). I was very upset but I just said “sure” (I am kind of a sensitive person when it comes to these situations). he was gonna go and spend a couple days in his friends house and I said okay. his best friend called me randomly and when I mentioned my boyfriend he said “he is not coming.” I was extremely paranoid so I (wrongly) looked at his credit card spending and found out that he booked a room in a hotel for a week! I went to the hotel because I thought he was cheating on me. Turns out he just wanted some time alone because he was smothered due to lockdown so he just lied to me not to hurt my feelings and was gonna come back to home a week later. he literally lied and ran away from me! He said that he was very sorry multiple times and said that he didn’t tell me because he thought I wouldn’t have understood. But that doesn’t mean he can lie to me and then just leave!! We had a pretty huge fight. I told him that I was hurt that he lied to me but I was even more hurt that he thought I touched him too much, I felt unwanted! He kept saying that he had the right to feel that way and need space but he didn’t have the right to lie so I could only be mad about the fact that he lied, not about him wanting space and distance. That really bothered me so we fought some more. It has been 2 months since this all happened and I still refuse to touch him at all. I know it’s immature but I feel so humiliated and I’m mad at him so I don’t wanna touch him. He is mad at me because he says that 2 months is a very long time So he basically hates it and that’s exactly what I wanted. I have been avoiding touching him for so long just so he could know how much it hurt and I kept saying “this is what you wanted isn’t it?”. Again, I know very wrong but I really am still soooo mad at him! Can you please comment and help?

[SirBearon]

This relationship is bound to end. You need to grow up and stop making it all about you. You are extremely selfish and insecure. He lied to you because he knew that you'd react exactly the way you reacted. Now, by him saying he needed space you took it to a whole different level by not touching him for months. That's childish and you have self esteem issues to work on. Every person needs their own me time. It's normal and perfectly okay. Making someone suffer because your little precious feelings were hurt is sad. Basically, you made his assumption to lie to you correct. Now, he's always going to like to avoid your overreaction. 2 months to prove a point and consciously doing it is disgusting. If he cheated on you, I'd understand.

[ACW100]

I understand your point but you need to chill tf out

[Anonymous]

He had no reason to lie to you, so I understand how much that bothers you. However, you have let this go on for too long and you need to put an end to it, or just end the relationship.

[DevKen33]

Sure maybe he shouldn’t have lied but I think this could’ve gone a different way. In a relationship it’s you and him versus the problem not you versus him. It’s best to communicate with each other and find a happy medium where you both feel comfortable. Doesn’t mean you have to stop being affectionate but it’s making sure you’re not overbearing him cause some people are not into too much affection. Maybe this could work if you guys talk it out in a calm matter just expressing your feelings on what’s comfortable or maybe it’s best you find someone who wants this much affection. Communication and understanding is key

[pleasestopthis]

He needs someone less affectionate and you need a man who's compatible with you. Some people need more space, he has the right to feel that way, just as you have the right to feel how you feel.

[MrNameless]

If you guys are still together...

Has he always been this way? Like he wanted his space and not feel smothered (not saying that you do). It's hard to say without actually being there and seeing it.. or seeing it literally through his point of view and experiences.

I also think its too extreme, and immature to not touch him for months because of that incident. Like you're hurt. I get it, and that takes time to heal. But after communicating him that it hurt your feelings, you should have let down your pride and just tried to getting it back to normal again. Someone HAS to take down their ego, preferrably both, if they want the relationship to work.

I do find it really suspicious that he lied about hanging at his friend's house, but actually getting a hotel for a week.

If things don't work out, it's going to be a okay. You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. We gain more maturity with each relationship we have, and become more self aware of bad habits that we wouldn't otherwise have found, as well as understanding more of what we want in a relationship.

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

Sounds incompatible

[ACW100]

Is he right for feeling that way tho?

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

Nope, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. When one enters a relationship, one must conform in matters of the heart. If a person is a cold and callous individual, he or
she should not be involved in a relationship. But they do anyways, especially when
desire intimacy.