How can you tell the difference between someone who is TRULY in Love or someone who is Love Bombing and manipulating you?

[Apope16]

Based on the examples below... is this woman Love Bombing or Showing Genuine Affection?

The past 3 weeks I have been dating a 33 year old woman who has shown a very strong interest in me from the very beginning.

Examples include:

-Texting me every morning to say hello or wish me the best on my day
-Cooking me meals when I spent the night at her place
-Giving me a gift of Christmas Holiday 2020 after she went to Mexico to see a relative
-Asking if I wanted to go to Mexico with her for Christmas to see her relative after just 3 dates
-Suggesting that I get a passport and request time off during the summer to go vacation with her in another country
-Talking about me to her brother and her mother
-Saying, "I had dinner with this special guy..." in conversation with her mother while I was in the other room
-Whispering that she wanted to marry me when we were having sex (she felt embarrassed and denied it. She has not said explicitly that she loves me)
-Continuously saying that she loves me
-Sending me left overs of food that she has made upon leaving her place
-Now she is asking to have a drinks with me for a New Years Resolution goals retreat (yes, apparently she wants to play music with posted notes and markers and have us write out our goals for the year. Apparently, she feels better doing it with me?)

Incidents:

-She can speak in a condescending tone to me (she apologizes when I call her out on it)
-She says that she likes to be alone in relationships/but then says she misses me
-She is willing to go away to another country for 3 months for ESL teaching contracts/but when she is away she is messaging me non stop with pictures saying she misses me
-She does not always refuse sex but sometimes
-She has some concerns that I am hypersexual because I pleasure myself twice a day. She fears she can't satisfy me enough

Yes. She is most likely Love Bombing you. Run Away!

No. Her feelings are most likely genuine and REAL.

[CurlyGirl42]

too early to say.. but well she cannot be in love with you, to me that requires you know each other very well and there is no time for that in 3 weeks (unless you have been friends before that?).. but she can be fascinated by you.. does she say what she loves about you specifically? Or could you just have been any other willing guy for her affection?
It can evolve into true love, but focus on getting to know each other better so you more surely can tell that it is you two who are compatible, and not that you just both look for a committed relationship. I would not be too concerned about your issues yet, but maybe more show up in time, or maybe you will resolve some later on. Give it time and patience :)

[Apope16]

She has not said she loves me. She has only whispered about wanting to marry me during sex. Then denied saying it. Right now she keeps saying she "... i really.. like you." But she pauses when she says it like she's trying not to say "love". Like she's holding back.

[Cherokeehp]

Sounds like she really likes you and she’s also healthily invested in herself. There’s nothing wrong with her going away for teaching contacts for a little while, or occasionally refusing sex, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to be condescending to you since she apologized. She’s her own person. She’s gonna make mistakes sometimes but she apologized for them. She has her own feelings so she won’t always be in the mood for sex. She has her own life, dreams, and goals. She sounds like a kind, caring, healthy person. Sounds like she likes you a lot.

[Apope16]

Thank you. Despite some big issues and tough conversations... things are on really good terms so far. Everything is great.

[savitar655]

From what I've read you have nothing to worry about ur concerns are meaningless meaning that there hardly anything to worry about or be concerned about every couples argue no couple hasn't argued but it's what you do and how you handle those arguments or worrys that define your relationship. Every relationship has 1 simple solution everyone forgets about communication sit down with her and talk about ur worrys

[Apope16]

THank you very much man. I really appreciate your wisdom and consideration. I know it was a lot to read. So I appreciate you taking the time.

[savitar655]

No worries man

[JKingOff]

Given the length of your question I'm pretty sure that you never thought the answer would be this simple. Just ask yourself "What have you done for her?", and "What has she done for you?". if you can't think of anything substantial that she's done for you then she's probably using you. Good luck.

[Apope16]

Thanks a lot man. I appreciate your thoughts!

[lightbulb27]

could you clarify how long you'v know this woman?
Sounds like she's a person that pours herself in quickly and fully. That could lead to panic and pull back and bad emotion if she doesn't feel reciprocated.

Do you feel the pace of the relationship is good and healthy? Maybe it is going too fast for your comfort?

[Roytag]

^ @asker select this as the most appropriate opinion

[Apope16]

I have past trauma of abandonment and emotional abuse. She knows this. But it causes me to be very suspicious of women who lavish me with positive emotions, praise, and declarations. I fear m as manipulation and abandonment. So im cautious.

I have known her just 3WEEKS!

[lightbulb27]

I have some of the same emotional stuff, but not the same trauma.
3 weeks... to me is way too fast for how you convey what she is saying. She's head over heels. This is gonna be difficult. I assume the sex already started. That further complicates.

It might be a good discussion to explore her childhood... that might help understand why she feels so much for you. You remind her of something from childhood... so what is that. Might help to talk more and get a sense of her character, integrity... can you see reasons to trust her in all fascets of life? Or is she living in some kind of delusion?

Your trust issues are separate things. This may be painful to get through. only speaking from experience, not a therapist. Wish I had a fly on the wall to watch these things on youtube. This is real life... and real value of relationship. "Stone sharpens stone"... in this case, in the emotional realm.

@midnightmoon05, any wisdom thoughts? I smell pain and suffering coming... how to navigate?

[Apope16]

We have had a lot of deep conversations. I like what you guys are saying! Lucky for her my feelings are reciprocated and and show that to her. I do wonder if its too good to be true. Things are good so far.

[lightbulb27]

Roll with it. There's a reason you aligned. It can be good... but good can mean pain. Maybe it's just a good fit and easy peasy. You'll have to explore. What I'd want to know is how cleaned up her emotional world is, from past relationships. Is she rebounding between guys, etc... Women can be "desperate" to find love (clock ticking, prior hurt..) which is built upon other emotional pains. Does it feel like " needy love" or feel like she loves, respects without needing to control? I'm not sure you have the context from early life to judge... where would it be modeled?

I don't trust easily either. I walked into relationships in the past being clueless and I paid. It/I wasted the time of my life where I could have built a family of my own, caring for her needs. It's my fault to fly into the net, but she was the spider. I have better now. e. g. my reference points of perspective

All this is about you, what do you want. Do you want to give her your love, commitment to build a life? That will be submittal unto her. To submit takes trust.

Be interesting to see how arguments flow...
Keep us posted...

[Apope16]

Thanks a lot!👍🏾😎

[Warmapplecrumble]

Her feelings are real but not sexually compatible and goals are different.

[Apope16]

Yes. She wants to have coffee with me and play music so we can write out our 2021 goals. Then share and talk about them with each other.

As for sex... the problem is I orgasm by pleasing my part first. She orgasms by pleasing our partner first. Sexually we are both givers not takers. So its an issue. I ask her what she likes and she gets confused. She says she's not used to making love and that most guys just used her and pounded away at her. As a result, she had to get used to trying to orgasm quickly. Its true too. she's like a guy. Her favorite thing is to be on top riding me and after a few minutes she orgasms. Then like most guys she is tired after she cums. Is sleepy. All these years I've been trying to last longer. I go 2 hours on average. So im SO CONFUSED trying to adjust to cuming hard and fast. I dont know what we should try. 😔🤷🏾‍♂️

[Warmapplecrumble]

Don't do foreplay and keep changing positions.
When she orgasms wait and slow down then speed up.

[Walamagicc]

If he’s love bombing you, it will only last for a few weeks before he starts to devalue you.

[Apope16]

Thanks for the advice. Have you experienced that?

[Yads_Is_Back]

A faker will stop pretending to love you after a short time, and it takes almost nothing to make this happen. Someone who really loves you will show it.

[Luvme66]

Take major decisions like marriage... only after an year or so... just to be sure you know :)

And yes the signs seem like she is a keeper... And you must have hit the gem.

[linds34]

I don't know, doesn't seem like a bad person to be hooking up with thiugh

[DrunkAss]

I don't know. I figure you do what you wanna do, and that doesn't scare her away, and then you know you can do what you wanna do.

[Massageman]

Action speaks louder than words.
And if her actions don't match her words, get moving out of there - ASAP.

[Anonymous]

You're either super insecure or since you have to ask then something feels off.

[JessieBellll]

Yes you are a harlot

[Apope16]

🤣🤣🤣 thanks!

[Serenia]

No. Her feelings are most likely genuine and REAL.

[pink_and_inlove]

Only time will tell.

[S5ARR0W]

That is the best way to be in a relationship: you should always think it is so unstable. That way you can keep your heart safe. Nothing to lose; nothing to worry!