Can You "Be Given" Or "Give Someone" A Fresh Start/Second Chance Without Any Behaviour Changes?

Question

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

I'd be interested in the reason a person would give someone a second chance without any behavior changes. There tend to be two general reasons for this to happen. Either the person giving the second chance is disappointed the grass isn't greener elsewhere, or they expect the person to change after they get the second chance.

If the grass wasn't greener, the person may just be settling for what's familiar, even if it is dysfunctional. This generally results in lower self-esteem for the individual giving the second chance. Settling isn't desired, but some people feel they have no other option. This often leads the second chance giver to just accept what is and not be motivated to nurture the relationship, believing nothing will change. Without active involvement from both partners, they just end up settling for a tolerable rut, though it tends to have underlying resentment and bitterness.

If they give a second chance with the hope of future change, it would be helpful to find out how that second chance might impact the one getting the second chance. Open up communication, so nothing is based on assumptions and hopes. Generally, if a person plans to change, there are some signs prior to being accepted back. Obviously, if they want a second chance, they'll be on their best behavior to be even considered having a chance.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If you give someone a second chance without any behavior changes on their part, you are virtually guaranteed that they're just going to repeat the behavior that got you upset in the first place.

That old saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" applies here. In order to give someone a second chance, I have to be convinced that they knew what they were doing was wrong, WHY it was wrong, who they hurt or could have hurt by doing it, and that they're committing not to do it again. That's behavior change. Without that, they can go pound sand.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

Hmmm I’m not into vengeance but I don’t like intellectual cheep skates 🤓

NOT a fan of ambiguity and I’m BIG on conflict resolution. IMHO Talk it out or go home. ⚾️

if we are starting with a clean slate -awesome 👏

🤔 slates don’t get clean all by themselves 😏

if we aren’t able to come to some kind of mutually agreed upon beneficial arrangement to try to solve whatever created the problem to begin with, I don’t trust it. 🤨

Doesn’t bode well for future and according to the subject matter of starting over, one or both of us does not have a shiny record past-wise. I’m getting no show of confidence here 😛

I don’t like the way “resolving issues” gets turned into holding onto the past dwell g baring s grudge etc etc 🧐

🥸 like NO. You had no problem taking the time to create whatever the the situation is/was, you can take the time to undo it. If that’s too much of a hassle for you fair enough, be on your way 😌 I won’t stop you. 👋

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

People these days dont deserve second chances friendship/relationship wise. Maybe jobwise but not the other. Its like how many times are you gonna keep kiddin yourself. people fake change to get back in your circle and then will do you dirty again. Thats why i no longer take back exes/excrushes and thats why I dont do friends/only associates. Its less stress

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

I so hope of getting a second chance before I screw up definitely.

Lliam · Answer

I've been given lots of second chances in my life from my parents, school, work and even the judicial system. Not that I ever did anything horrendous.
Just the fact that I wasn't treated severely or flushed down the toilet made me grateful and I became a better person as a result. I learned from my mistakes all on my own. But my faith in humanity blossomed as a result of being treated with fairness and compassion.
I'm a big believer in second chances. Being treated like a piece of shit makes people feel like they ARE pieces of shit. They can also become bitter. That doesn't benefit anyone.
At the same time, there do have to be consequences.
Also, there are things that I wouldn't forgive if they were done to me unless the person asked for forgiveness and was truly contrite. That doesn't mean I would necessarily let them back into my life, but I would still forgive them.

ohshee · Answer

The only way it can be done is for that reason from both people it's because the giver see a change and is a big enough person to say I love you I believe in you so now prove to yourself ,, I've always have been her for you and always will be I'm not sorry I'm hard on you if that's what you think I'm just being the Person who all ready know who you are I'm hard on you because I want you to believe in what I all ready see and know. But,,, with out that first step and second step from the givie the giver can't give

Jjpayne · Answer

Yes and no, it depends on where the relationship struggled, if it was you or them. I think it's fair though that whatever the relationship struggled with you both acknowlege and plan to work on. But I will say this, it should be up to the other party if they were not the reason for the break up to decide if they will do something. I think it might be wrong in that moment, to expect something from them. Like let's say, I cheated on you and while you are giving me a second chance, what are you going to do on your end to make the relationship better? I think under certain circumstances it's better to allow them to make the choice. However, if cheating occurred because of something lacking in the relationship I think it's fair to work on that with them. Something like that...

lucas262 · Answer

Well, after 17 years 1 cold lonely night leaving the amazon station I work at, my biological mother send me a message on messenger. I'm sorry for this sorry for that etc.

Basically I made it plain how I felt expressed by pains in a reasonable way and told I absolutely forgave her.

For 1 reason. There was 1 who forgave me when I didn't deserve it. God, and Jesus loved me with that love so I loved her with it too 17 years she thot I was dead and carried a lot of guilt, i absolved from my hate and asked God to forgive me for holding on to it that he'd heal is both.

Bakry123 · Answer

For me maybe i beg maybe i humilate my self with dump things but if i closed the door of the person i can't let him in again i start to hate him directlly some people dont deserve second chance its better u know them in difficult times so u can choose what u want if it happen again.

leahk2004 · Answer

Personally in my own opinion no because i'm currently in my fourth relationship now my past relationships taught me a lot of shit i wish i could take back but as far as second chances go i dated a girl for a year i put time, effort, loyalty, and trust into a relationship with her she decided to go behind my back and cheat i gave her a second chance but the second time i found out i dumped her and ill admit it i was hurt that i had to let her go but as life goes on you learn to let things go and move on and in all fairness it helps you in the long run so after her i don't give second chances.

AliceTheNguyener · Answer

I would simply ask them what's the point. If they're telling me they aren't going to change, then giving them a second chance in the task they failed is worth no one's time, not even the person asking for the second chance.

Fairest_oa · Answer

Cliché as it may sound but trust cannot be totally earned back. Yes, you may forgive and give second chance to someone, yet you can also choose to be wise enough NOT to experience the same pain again. Learn from the experiences.

I love this quote, "FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME."

monkeynutts · Answer

Depends who it is love conquers all. But some people you just can’t love enough, because they don’t care about themselves, they won’t care about you. So most girls from my past can get a few hours of my time some I just won’t bother with, it’s sad because we were so intimate, but I wouldn’t even look them in the eye. Just walk past them like I never knew them.

lovely_gem · Answer

I struggle with giving second chances to people that are making a vigorous effort to show me they’ve changed, so there’s no way I can give a second chance to show one who’s insisting on remaining the same.

DesolateRain · Answer

I'm at the point that I just cannot give anyone a second chance anymore, and I don't want to be given another chance if you already shut me out.

Second chances shouldn't be needed, just don't fuck up to begin with.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm to the point I would give someone a second chance now but not to my ex-girlfriends from years ago but anyone new comes into my life sure I would give them a second chance

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

NO! Not without changing ones behavior! Why would anyone give someone a fresh start if their behavior is going to stay the same? Talk about a waste of time and energy!

IAMNathanael · Answer

I'm going to go ahead and say no. If they haven't changed their behavior, they haven't even given themselves a fresh start. So, why should you expect any different?

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Why get another chance if am not gonna change? What is the point?  If i think am dope, but i want a new "fresh" start? But am so dope, why bother with a new fresh start 🤷‍♂️

skel47 · Answer

It depends on the situation and severity of the mistake, but honestly no. Hardly ever unless its not a big deal then i let it go.

LemiaOfTheCodes · Answer

I have often said If my ex was too come back on and give me a vaild reason to why she ghosted me then i'll give her another chance.

Myk13 · Answer

It would depend on what it was exactly that they did. I believe that everybody deserves a second chance. But to have absolutely no behavioral changes is a whole different thing.

Makeushiver · Answer

yeah, you could but you better get comfortable with it since s/he will likely give you cause for an encore

EmmaMary · Answer

No absolutely not, a leopard never changes its spots.

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

I definitely believe in a second chance in certain situations as long as they show me something otherwise I'm bouncing

Hogwheels · Answer

No, the whole point of a fresh start is a behavior change.

Jayla2000 · Answer

They need 2 show effort to change.  If not keep it moving

JosyJosy · Answer

Hm no, usually when I think of a "second chance" there has to be Some change in behavior

Anonymous · Answer

If you did, that would mean you didn't learn anything.

douride2 · Answer

It would most likely depend on what they did. in my opinion cheaters never get a second chance.

Massageman · Answer

Depends on the situation, but probably not in most.

bush123 · Answer

I don't give second chances the first time they show u who they really are their true colours so no unless I wanna suffer ill give a second chance

Waldoe · Answer

why? what would be the point? a 2nd chance is a chance to do things different/better. not to continue as before

Guido · Answer

Everybody makes mistakes. You need to own up to them before anyone should give you a second chance. Nothing beats honesty.

WesBrewer · Answer

I can easily forgive and forget if that is what you mean, amnesia really helps with that, lol, I just forget almost everything that happens to me.

collie22 · Answer

it would be crazy not to change something for a second chance

Mark987 · Answer

I did that with a woman when she cheated.. she didn't change her attitude is a fail for disaster

Happy7777 · Answer

You ‘can’ but with grave difficulty or callousness.

msc545 · Answer

Giving someone a second chance might require behavior changes on the part of both people.

legalboxers · Answer

has to be a fresh start. clean slate, but some won't and will hold grudges

rustymopp · Answer

You can, but I wouldn't really recommend it, it's only going to be the same all over again...

winterfox10 · Answer

You could... it's probably a waste of time though.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

can't say change depends on person just taking small steps

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I already gave many chances, i'm someone who forgives a lot but everything had it's limits 😌

LEADFOOTboi · Answer

yeee... i can... some people say i'm too nice

CubaPirate · Answer

Depends on my relationship with them

MrCreep · Answer

No not at all they need to brake free

Kelly6 · Answer

Yes I can and did.

OddBeMe · Answer

People never change. We just have short memories.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Hell no!!

Anonymous · Answer

of course

Sabretooth · Answer

no, you can't.

krin_m · Answer

Probably not!

Tim-loves-it · Answer

Yes, called forgiving someone.

TheSonOf-Zeus · Answer

Im not

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