Can You "Be Given" Or "Give Someone" A Fresh Start/Second Chance Without Any Behaviour Changes?
- 1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I'd be interested in the reason a person would give someone a second chance without any behavior changes. There tend to be two general reasons for this to happen. Either the person giving the second chance is disappointed the grass isn't greener elsewhere, or they expect the person to change after they get the second chance.
If the grass wasn't greener, the person may just be settling for what's familiar, even if it is dysfunctional. This generally results in lower self-esteem for the individual giving the second chance. Settling isn't desired, but some people feel they have no other option. This often leads the second chance giver to just accept what is and not be motivated to nurture the relationship, believing nothing will change. Without active involvement from both partners, they just end up settling for a tolerable rut, though it tends to have underlying resentment and bitterness.
If they give a second chance with the hope of future change, it would be helpful to find out how that second chance might impact the one getting the second chance. Open up communication, so nothing is based on assumptions and hopes. Generally, if a person plans to change, there are some signs prior to being accepted back. Obviously, if they want a second chance, they'll be on their best behavior to be even considered having a chance.
Most Helpful Opinions
- 3.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
If you give someone a second chance without any behavior changes on their part, you are virtually guaranteed that they're just going to repeat the behavior that got you upset in the first place.
That old saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" applies here. In order to give someone a second chance, I have to be convinced that they knew what they were doing was wrong, WHY it was wrong, who they hurt or could have hurt by doing it, and that they're committing not to do it again. That's behavior change. Without that, they can go pound sand.
- 740 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Hmmm I’m not into vengeance but I don’t like intellectual cheep skates 🤓
NOT a fan of ambiguity and I’m BIG on conflict resolution. IMHO Talk it out or go home. ⚾️
if we are starting with a clean slate -awesome 👏
🤔 slates don’t get clean all by themselves 😏
if we aren’t able to come to some kind of mutually agreed upon beneficial arrangement to try to solve whatever created the problem to begin with, I don’t trust it. 🤨
Doesn’t bode well for future and according to the subject matter of starting over, one or both of us does not have a shiny record past-wise. I’m getting no show of confidence here 😛
I don’t like the way “resolving issues” gets turned into holding onto the past dwell g baring s grudge etc etc 🧐
🥸 like NO. You had no problem taking the time to create whatever the the situation is/was, you can take the time to undo it. If that’s too much of a hassle for you fair enough, be on your way 😌 I won’t stop you. 👋
- 3.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
People these days dont deserve second chances friendship/relationship wise. Maybe jobwise but not the other. Its like how many times are you gonna keep kiddin yourself. people fake change to get back in your circle and then will do you dirty again. Thats why i no longer take back exes/excrushes and thats why I dont do friends/only associates. Its less stress
What Girls & Guys Said
12
Opinion
40Opinion
-
I so hope of getting a second chance before I screw up definitely.
- 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I've been given lots of second chances in my life from my parents, school, work and even the judicial system. Not that I ever did anything horrendous.
Just the fact that I wasn't treated severely or flushed down the toilet made me grateful and I became a better person as a result. I learned from my mistakes all on my own. But my faith in humanity blossomed as a result of being treated with fairness and compassion.
I'm a big believer in second chances. Being treated like a piece of shit makes people feel like they ARE pieces of shit. They can also become bitter. That doesn't benefit anyone.
At the same time, there do have to be consequences.
Also, there are things that I wouldn't forgive if they were done to me unless the person asked for forgiveness and was truly contrite. That doesn't mean I would necessarily let them back into my life, but I would still forgive them. -
The only way it can be done is for that reason from both people it's because the giver see a change and is a big enough person to say I love you I believe in you so now prove to yourself ,, I've always have been her for you and always will be I'm not sorry I'm hard on you if that's what you think I'm just being the Person who all ready know who you are I'm hard on you because I want you to believe in what I all ready see and know. But,,, with out that first step and second step from the givie the giver can't give
- 2.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Yes and no, it depends on where the relationship struggled, if it was you or them. I think it's fair though that whatever the relationship struggled with you both acknowlege and plan to work on. But I will say this, it should be up to the other party if they were not the reason for the break up to decide if they will do something. I think it might be wrong in that moment, to expect something from them. Like let's say, I cheated on you and while you are giving me a second chance, what are you going to do on your end to make the relationship better? I think under certain circumstances it's better to allow them to make the choice. However, if cheating occurred because of something lacking in the relationship I think it's fair to work on that with them. Something like that...
-
Well, after 17 years 1 cold lonely night leaving the amazon station I work at, my biological mother send me a message on messenger. I'm sorry for this sorry for that etc.
Basically I made it plain how I felt expressed by pains in a reasonable way and told I absolutely forgave her.
For 1 reason. There was 1 who forgave me when I didn't deserve it. God, and Jesus loved me with that love so I loved her with it too 17 years she thot I was dead and carried a lot of guilt, i absolved from my hate and asked God to forgive me for holding on to it that he'd heal is both. -
For me maybe i beg maybe i humilate my self with dump things but if i closed the door of the person i can't let him in again i start to hate him directlly some people dont deserve second chance its better u know them in difficult times so u can choose what u want if it happen again.
-
Personally in my own opinion no because i'm currently in my fourth relationship now my past relationships taught me a lot of shit i wish i could take back but as far as second chances go i dated a girl for a year i put time, effort, loyalty, and trust into a relationship with her she decided to go behind my back and cheat i gave her a second chance but the second time i found out i dumped her and ill admit it i was hurt that i had to let her go but as life goes on you learn to let things go and move on and in all fairness it helps you in the long run so after her i don't give second chances.
-
I would simply ask them what's the point. If they're telling me they aren't going to change, then giving them a second chance in the task they failed is worth no one's time, not even the person asking for the second chance.
-
Cliché as it may sound but trust cannot be totally earned back. Yes, you may forgive and give second chance to someone, yet you can also choose to be wise enough NOT to experience the same pain again. Learn from the experiences.
I love this quote, "FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME." - 779 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Depends who it is love conquers all. But some people you just can’t love enough, because they don’t care about themselves, they won’t care about you. So most girls from my past can get a few hours of my time some I just won’t bother with, it’s sad because we were so intimate, but I wouldn’t even look them in the eye. Just walk past them like I never knew them.
-
I struggle with giving second chances to people that are making a vigorous effort to show me they’ve changed, so there’s no way I can give a second chance to show one who’s insisting on remaining the same.
-
I'm at the point that I just cannot give anyone a second chance anymore, and I don't want to be given another chance if you already shut me out.
Second chances shouldn't be needed, just don't fuck up to begin with. - 4.9K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I'm to the point I would give someone a second chance now but not to my ex-girlfriends from years ago but anyone new comes into my life sure I would give them a second chance
-
NO! Not without changing ones behavior! Why would anyone give someone a fresh start if their behavior is going to stay the same? Talk about a waste of time and energy!
-
I'm going to go ahead and say no. If they haven't changed their behavior, they haven't even given themselves a fresh start. So, why should you expect any different?
- 468 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Why get another chance if am not gonna change? What is the point?
If i think am dope, but i want a new "fresh" start? But am so dope, why bother with a new fresh start 🤷♂️ -
It depends on the situation and severity of the mistake, but honestly no. Hardly ever unless its not a big deal then i let it go.
-
I have often said If my ex was too come back on and give me a vaild reason to why she ghosted me then i'll give her another chance.
-
It would depend on what it was exactly that they did. I believe that everybody deserves a second chance. But to have absolutely no behavioral changes is a whole different thing.
- 1.9K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
No absolutely not, a leopard never changes its spots.
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions