I am breadcrumbing and/or paperclipping a guy. How do I stop myself?

[theunattractiveone]

So there is this guy from another country that I have been talking to, and it had been going pretty well with him. We actually started off as friends, and in an year, I told him I liked him. Now that I think of it, I don't know whether I actually liked him or was it just the attention I was enjoying from him? In the past few months, I literally wait all day to text him (because of different timezones and his work hours). I am unable to focus in school and I want to talk to him all day. He really fell for me, but now when I come to think of it, I don't feel like there's anything between us. We share NOTHING in common and honestly, I can imagine a lovely future with him, but when I think if I want to marry a person with completely different moral ethics than mine, my heart says NOO and I probably won't do it since he is from another side of the world too (like the chances of meeting are so low). When I googled what I felt and why I behaved with him like that, google tells me I have been breadcrumbing or paperclipping him. Like I found all the traits of a breadcrumber in me in the relationship and I feel so guilty. I literally found no article on why I am this way and what should I do, it was all about the victim. So can someone please help me out, I am literally hurting someone and I don't care about him for some reason. Please read my previous questions if that helps you understand me :) Thank you for any answers! Have a good day people <3

Updates

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Sorry man I forgot to tell you all, we were almost dating. Like we shared something, but the problem was that he liked me more seriously than I liked him. Turns out I am also a commitment-phobe which might be why I did this. I had a word with him and told him I needed time to love myself first because I couldn't commit to him before I accepted myself and had control over my emotions. Also, I am only 17 and he is 20, so I didn't want things to mess up if something changed as we are both still kid

Updates

+1 y

But he was rlly sad and hurt about it all. Let me tell you sth about him, he is the kind of person who does not open up easily, has no friends whatsoever and cares only about success and stuff. So it was difficult for him to open up to me and now he feels taken advantage of. Thank you for reading so much y'all ily. We have not talked in the past 2 days and the break up thingy happened like 5 days ago, but we continued talking since I said I wanted to be friends and tbh, I don't want to lose him.

[Xoxocutekitty]

This is a lot to process, and i admit i am a little blown away by the sheer number of thoughts in this article. Before you reprimand yourself for being 'an over thinker', realize that all of these thoughts that you have about yourself and your actions and his feelings, make you who you are - a caring and thouhtful human being.

In light of what i have read in the paragraphs, i will suggest that you use your knack for self reflection, to observe how these thoughts are being used. In what direction are they being pointed? Who are they casting in a positive or negative light? How can you use your thoughts, yes to observe the truth, but to support people, even yourself?

An inability to commit to one person does not define your character as a 'breadcrumber or paperclipper.' It is normal to be cautious in love and take time to assess risks, priorities, and feelings at a pace which you are comfortable. All humans feel similar emotions on different spectrums, time being one of them. Maybe you need more time, maybe you need courage to walk away from someone that seems better than nothing but not quite what you truly desire. These are choices, and an ability to forgive ourselves for the time and process it takes for us to make these choices will determine the quality of your human experience.

All the best! It may not feel like it, but you're doing okay, and you will get through this.

[theunattractiveone]

Heyy, thank you very much for being sensitive and answering. I will do some self reflection, as you say. Have a great day <33