My boyfriend gets angry in the morning when I forgot to dry his work clothes the night before. Why doesn’t he do it himself?

[Anonymous]

I do most of the laundry because I’m more particular about it (hanging certain things up, separating loads, etc). The company my boyfriend works for only gave him 3 pairs. I’m working full time to pay half the rent and am a full time college student. He works 12 hrs every day with 2 jobs. Before the semester started, I would make his lunch, wash his work clothes, do dishes, clean our apartment, and make dinner each night. Now that I’m back in school, all my free time=schoolwork (except on weekends, our only time together) This morning, and 5ish other mornings after school started, he saw that I forgot to put his work clothes in the dryer the night before. He hit the bedroom door open to wake me up and said “get the fuck up”. I didn’t even realize what the issue was until 10 mins later. I have too much on my mind, and I honestly forget to do it. Also last night he got frustrated with me saying I don’t care about him because I stopped making his lunch and I don’t get up early to eat breakfast with him. I’m failing a class because I haven’t put the time into it that in need to so I can spend time with him on weekends. I still make dinner each night. I still felt bad, so I made his lunch and put a nice little note on it saying that I’ve been having trouble finding work/school/life balance, but I’m working on it. My mind was distracted so I completely forgot about laundry. He read it this morning, laughed, and ripped it up. All that being said, if I struggle so much to do his laundry and it’s causing problems in our relationship... why doesn’t he do it himself? He says it’s because I don’t care about him, but it’s seriously just that I forget. In my opinion, I’m doing something to help you but it’s ultimately your responsibility to make sure you have everything ready for the next day. I understand the frustration of waking up to wet clothes, but he never actually asked me to take care of his laundry last night (or any of these nights). UGH.

[SueShe]

And your story is a very fine example why it is a big mistake to move in with someone else while still studying.

This guy seems rather immature and childish and his reaction is obviously a red flag and a toxic behavior.

I would never tolerate that a guy (or a girls) behaves with such immaturity and if it was just me, he would have found himself on the street within 10 minutes of screaming at me.

He seems to lack the most basic education and I really wonder if he has ever grown out of childhood. You can expect such a reaction for a pre-teen but certainly not from an adult.

Your best option is to have a serious talk with him and make a printout of the exact chores each one has to do and when these chores have to be done. I can understand that a little flexibility is needed at times but such a behavior is absolutely not tolerable.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response! I didn’t realize before moving in how much it would screw up my school life, but you live and your learn I guess.
I agree this has gone way too far. He never screamed at me but there’s no need to bust open a door and wake me up over this. He’s also a door slammer and it makes me so irritated, especially at 6am.

[SueShe]

You have to keep being strict with him and set boundaries that he understands. If you let it go, you will soon lose control and you will just be a slave.

Do show that you have what it takes and that you can put your foot down and not accept his moods. Good luck.

[Walamagicc]

I didn’t even read the whole thing but wtf, you aren’t his mother. He’s a whole ass adult just like you. What you have us a controlling bum boyfriend. What do you see in him?

[Asker]

Nothing anymore. We haven’t talked since this issue this morning but he just texted me and said “stay the fuck away from me”
Seriously about to go home pack my shit and go to my parents

[Walamagicc]

Don’t feel that bad. I dated A guy who acted EXACTLY like this. I also made more then him and he expected me to pay for a lot of things and drive him everywhere and he would abuse me verbally and a couple of times physically , and then he would have me Chauffeur us around and you know what? It got old VERY fast.

This may come off as shallow to many people but you don’t want a man that doesn’t have any money to support you. It WON’T work. I tried to love someone but he could nearly even support himself and he couldn’t do ANYTHING without me. It’s a red flag if a guy is always expecting you to buy things for him. Learned that the hard way. I hope he leaves you alone so you can find someone to treat you better.

[Walamagicc]

Wish you the best of luck

[Asker]

It’s ironic you brought up money. He’s similar, but he said I don’t have to work...
If I didn’t tho we’d be pretty screwed. Since we have an apartment together though, this may be messy. Rent is literally due tomorrow and I’m moving out then. Yay, relationships!!
Thank you for your responses :)

[Walamagicc]

No problem. Hopefully your lease is up soon so you can get as far the hell away from this hobosexual.

[MrOracle]

You need to actually have this conversation about this with him - but based on how he's been acting, I don't hold out a lot of hope. He sounds like a jerk.

I get that it's awful to have to go to work in wet clothes - I'd be upset about that too - but I would handle it very differently. I also get that you're both under a ton of stress with financial pressures and other stuff, but, still, how he's handling it is NOT the right answer.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Wow I'd dump his ass. What a fucking baby. He's an adult, why does he expect you to make his food and do his laundry? Just... wow. Let him know you're his girlfriend, not his mother, and he needs to be responsible for himself. But honestly he just sounds like he sucks. Ripped up your note? What an asshole

[RHK36]

You aren't married and you aren't his mommy. Tell that mf to grow up and do his own laundry. Lowkey you're to blame for babying him.

[Asker]

Not lowkey, I definitely am. This is my first long term relationship (4 years)... realizing now that once you start doing some shit you better wanna keep doing it...

[RHK36]

You're not all to blame though. Just because you do nice shit doesn't mean he should take advantage of you and basically take you for granted.

[boggboss]

You have made yourself his servant in some regards so he expects stuff to get done is it right ofc not but thats somthing u have to talk to him about

[ayomanwya]

He needs to stop treating you like you’re a piece of nothing. This is the crap that moms do for their little kids smh. If he can’t be thankful for what you do for him then you should just stop doing any of that and you should find someone that would be thankful. Mad cause you didn’t dry his clothes? He can buy a dryer. Mad cause you didn’t make him lunch? He has 2 jobs and he gets payed so he can buy his own lunch

[Paul09]

Because you are him mom now. Blows my mind how women like these types of men... That isn't a real man, it's a huge baby in a man's body. How the F would he survive on his own? I wish a-holes would not get any women.

[Tuna陶拿恆]

He wants himself to be dominant in aspects of relationship you both have. That's not a good behaviour. He should learn how to do laundry.

[Tuna陶拿恆]

By the way I would feel embarassed to make my love do such thing everyday. I would offer sharing the work and spreading into days etc.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you still with him?

[Asker]

Great question. It seems like every time I think I want to leave him all the good in him weighs out the bad. I feel like I can’t get away. It’s like I post on here to see if I’m crazy for thinking he’s not good for me, and then once everyone starts agreeing I want to defend him.
I hate relationships.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, one of the things that you learn when you give advice is that if you attack the person someone selected as their partner, they will defend that person, regardless of how bad they are. . . and even though they themselves say that he or she is bad. It is much like attacking a mother's son who is a drug addict. She can criticize him all day long but she will start defending him if anyone else offers any criticism.

So, it appears that you really don't want to leave him even though you consciously know that he is bad for you. Why do you think you would make such a decision?

[Wise4myage]

What a douche bag. I think your dating a mama's boy.

[Asker]

Lol, that would make sense.

[Wise4myage]

Thanks, I think he's replaced his mother with you. Stop tolerating his shit.

[Iron_Man]

he's lazy and now expects you to always do it