If my partner trusts me with their phone does that prove she's not cheating?

[Anonymous]

I've only been in one another relationship my entire life and my partner ended up cheating on me, which caused me to have trust issues. Then I found out my brother cheated on his girlfriend and his girlfriend cheated on him, so now I have a really hard time trusting anybody. But my current partner lasts me use her phone, like we'll watch videos on her phone, she doesn't hide any texts from me (I can see her phone, but I don't read them I just noticed that she doesn't try to hide it) and she lets me hold her phone when I need to write something down that's on her phone. So I keep telling myself that the fact she trusts me enough to hold her phone and when there's a text notification she doesn't hide it that proves she isn't seeing anybody else behind my back, right? I do trust her, she's never lied to me a single time. I used to have doubts, but I would always get proved wrong and find out she was actually telling thr truth.

[Anonymous]

You need to be fair to your partner now by not pushing your issues with past relationships on to her because that will sink it, quick especially as she seems really trusting in you to share her phone. If you are this worried, it is better to have an honest conversation with her about how your past made you feel and how you are now "hopefully" working on getting better at trusting in a relationship. No one expects after what you've been through to not feel the way you do, because it's very valid to feel hurt by such a betrayal, but allow new people in your life to show you who they are, and in this case, she's letting you in and inadvertently showing you that you probably have nothing to worry about.

[doopayo]

If she trusts you with her phone she must really like you and trust you because someone’s phone is literally like a window into their soul. It’s hard to explain, but for example. You wouldn’t just let anyone have your phone. You’d only give it to people you trust a lot.

[Asker]

Exactly I think the same, so if she trusts me with her phone then that must mean she really doesn't have anything to hide. I do the same I let her use my phone and if she ever asks for my password I'll give it to her

[BeenThereLovedIt]

A person can have a 2nd phone you don't know about. Cheaters gonna cheat.

Truth is that you can't ever protect yourself from it, and you will only drive your partner crazy by trying.

I used to date a girl who was insanely jealous and constantly accused me of cheating, even though I wasn't. Eventually I finally broke down.. If I'm going to do the time, I'm doing the crime..

No, I didn't cheat on her, but I came damn close and probably would have if the circumstance was more enticing. By trying to prevent it, you could actually push her to into it.

[Asker]

So you're saying that if I start to accuse her of cheating she might eventually do it?

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Yes. Eventually. For me, it took about 1.5 years before I finally got so sick of it that I started seeing it as an option.. to be with someone who at least wouldn't accuse me of cheating when I'm with them.

What drove me away from her wasn't just the accusation, but her constantly watching me, judging my motivations for every single decision I made. I started becoming paranoid, like 'if I do this, then she will get suspicious and grill me all night (nag). She was effectively changing my behavior, and consequently giving me PTSD afterwards.

It also shows that you aren't just part of her life, you ARE her life. That's a recipe for disaster and a sure sign of 'fucking crazy', male or female. Unchecked jealousy is also a very unattractive trait. As is nagging, etc.

Don't be that person. If you think she's cheating, she probably is. There's a ton of red flags that give it away. If you don't just let it play itself out, you will never learn the red flags.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

"It also shows that you aren't just part of her life, you ARE her life." that was meant to be in 3rd person, not YOU. Poorly worded, my bad.

[Asker]

Wait you're saying that there ARE red flags or if I notice anything suspicious that are red flags? Also, she doesn't know any of this and I don't really watch her like a hawk, it's just that I'm noticing that she DOESN'T care if I look at her phone or not.. I know it's all in my head and it's going to push her away so I keep this to myself. Plus this is my problem that I have to figure out how to get under control.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Well you were cheated on. It sucks. Now you are suspicious. Technically it is ptsd on a small scale.

This is where you have to take a leap of faith, and just trust that she won't cheat, until she does.
Nothing you do will change whether she will cheat or not, and that diatribe I typed was just me trying to point out to you that being suspicious or asking her if she's cheating (which is basically accusing her) only pushes her towards it.

Always keep your suspicions to yourself. Cheaters lower their guards and make mistakes when they believe you are oblivious. And if she's a cheater, you will figure it out that much sooner.

If she hasn't given you any reason to suspect anything, then you need to let go of the past. Don't forget it, but don't dwell either. It will make you paranoid. Look at it as a shitty person did something shitty to you. The next person may or may not, but you can't assume that. You just have to let go and get back to being yourself, get back to your world view before you met the cheater and start back on that. Don't let it affect who you are.

[Asker]

Honestly this is going to sound stupid, but she's a teen mom and for some reason that makes me doubt that she'll cheat even more. I don't know why, but I guess if she has a kid at such a young age she's more responsible (she's more responsible than me and I'm older)

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I could argue that she has a history of making poor decisions, thus a good reason to distance yourself from her.

[hhH2traveler]

The fact that she lets you look at her phone is a really good sign, she doesn't have to let you do that, she feels comfortable enough to. And if she hasn't given you any reason to dought her, dont. Its probably okay, but if you feel uncomfortable, secretly look into it, do whatever you need to do to feel less uncomfortable. But i think your being paranoid, and dont violate her privacy too much, you need to give your partner a little respect. You dont want to piss her off by investigating her when she's been so nice and open and having her find out and be upset.

[OlderAndWiser]

It will always be possible for a partner to be clever enough to hide their tracks and cheat without you knowing it. Trust involves an element of faith.

[Asker]

I don't want to sound mean, but I don't think she would think that far into it. Again I'm not trying to be mean, but I can't think of a better way to word it

[OlderAndWiser]

Then you should trust her until she gives you a reason to not trust her.

[BeyondHuman]

Trust her not to be a cheater unless she gives you a reason not to. You sound paranoid. You cannot hold it against her for what your ex did to you or especially what your brother and his girl did to each other. That's toxic and poisonous for a relationship. I suggest getting yourself together

This is coming from someone who was cheated on twice in the past. I never suspected anything until the signs started becoming crystal clear. Giving you her phone means nothing. Wanting to go hang out with everyone except you and always having an excuse why she doesn't hang with you unless she's desperate those are real signs.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been cheated on more than once, that has to suck. Actually we go together 3 times just last week and we might get together either today or tomorrow. She doesn't really make excuses to not hang out, I'm not saying it's never happened but I think it only happened once or twice

[BeyondHuman]

I don't think you really have anything to worry about then. If she's making plans with you and ACTUALLY going through with it on multiple occasions then it sounds like she has an interest in you and you alone.

Hell try a random hookup up and out of the blue if you are really worried it. Giving her no time to make plans if she's got a guy on the side then she'd really have to bend corners to make it happen. Unless of course she works and that gets in the way, but most relationships know their S. O. work hours. Just keep an eye on the signs if she seems legit she probably is.

It's ok on my end don't feel bad. It hurt at first but truthfully I prefer to be with a real woman rather than a cheating slut using me those are childish women and I don't have time for them. So in the end no real harm done :) Maybe harmed my wallet a bit LOL but my heart is better just gotta watch who I be hooking up with is all. Be smart and don't fall in love until she falls in love. Think of it as hanging out with a good friend letting her make the first moves not all women are devious but the problem is you just don't know who is and who isn't.

It's pretty sad we all have to play these mind games with the opposite gender just to find where our hearts go. But that's life.

OH and one most important thing... Try letting her call you to set up a date. Don't always be the one to chase her and don't even bug her about a date otherwise you will never know how interested she is in seeing you. Again the fucking mind games! But sometimes it's the only way.

[jshm2]

You're a weak willed pussy if you've developed "trust issues" so easily.

Stop being such a controlling freak and live your life properly. She's only your girlfriend, not your wife.

She can be gangbanging the whole apartment block for all it matters, as she's not tied to you.

[Asker]

And what exactly are you doing with you pathetic life? Being a troll on the internet? Why don't you do the whole world a favor and drink a gallon of bleach and take a bath with a toaster. Jesus man I feel sorry for your entire family, having a pathetic excuse of a human being as a relative must be hard for them. Your mom should've swallowed you

[TheorionMage]

Or, ... has perfected alternate means of communication~
Internet, a 'burner' phone, snail maildrop, complicit girl friend, etc. LOL!

IF you NEED watch her THAT closely... do you REALLY need her in your life?
What is your serene peace-of-mind worth compared to your Ego?

[Kabluie]

I find that it can be normal, I call it just handling the phone.

Its kind of no different if you were in the car together and needed to pull something up on her phone because she is driving, she would trust you to look up something for her kind of thing without snooping around kind of ordeal.

[iLoveJuice]

I think you’re traumatized by your past.
But to answer your question... it doesn’t “prove” that she’s not cheating but it’s very unlikely in my book. So don’t worry about it & stop focusing on negativity unless she shows clear evidence that she IS cheating.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right, ever since it happened I've been paranoid about it happening

[Fatherhere901]

I think a better question you should be asking yourself is... How comfortable would you be if you're partner held onto your phone for 24 hours and answered your calls?

[Asker]

I'd be 100% cool with that, the only people that call me are my mom, my dad, Drs. offices, and me and her FaceTime me about once a week. If I needed it to look something up, I would be like "hey can you look up what is point slope form and slope-intercept form for me?"

[Fatherhere901]

Then I'm really confused on why you're so worried about dealing with trust issues with her.
it kinda like complaining to the cook about how burnt your steak is... when the cow hasn't even butchered.

[Asker]

What do you mean? I would let her do that with my phone, but I'm not entirely sure she'll let me do that with her phone. Most likely she would, but there's a chance she can say no

[MillenniumBill]

With all of the ways people comm with one another, with buried accounts and goofy aliases, hidden logins and master password vaults?
Letting someone look/hold onto someone else's phone doesn't mean or prove a damn thing one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is for sure in life, but her letting you have full access to her phone is a very good sign that she isn't hiding anything.
Unless she has another phone or she messages guys on a computer or something?

[Anonymous]

I think so. Because in no way would i ever cheat, but still i would be hesitant to let my partner use my phone cause weird chats with my female friends, porn searches and other really weird searches yk

[ChrisMaster69]

Nah she has 2 phones

seriously though, learn to trust or you will always feel insecure and have trust issues

[Kas19]

Probably. Stop worrying about her cheating and just communicate with her. If she cheats, then leave and find another girl that won't.

[shade_19]

The question itself seems wrong to me
Ask "what is the sign that ur girlfriend is cheating."
Watever u said doesn't show that she's cheating on u

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nope. There are other ways people hide their affairs.

Ex: Two co-workers of mine were engaging oral sex on the roof.

He or she can be having sex with neighbor etc.

[Asker]

Yeah that's true, but the chances of that happening are slim to none. Mainly cause she doesn't like a lot of people and the only people she's ever told me she talks to are females, and I'm basically her only guy friend and her best friend in general

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

She can say whatever she wants. Listen if someone is going to cheat on you then its going to happen regardless unless you tie them down in the basement which obviously don't do.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If you have a good girlfriend then don't worry about it.

[Twalli]

Probably, I mean I don't care if my girlfriends uses my phone. It's password protected but she should know it (out anniversary). I don't have anything to hide with it.

[Browneye57]

Oh she'll still cheat. Women are REALLY good liars.

[arlesche]

Not necessarily, she could have deleted messages, or has other ways of cheating.

[Waldoe]

seems you are going to ruin a good thing with your trust issues... STOP

[Anonymous]

No.

Having someone's passwords and PIN doesn't mean anything really.

[Asker]

Why do you say that?

[Opinion Owner]

Because it's very easy to delete incriminating things.

[Asker]

But if she was cheating she wouldn't let me hold her phone just in case she got a text from another guy and she wouldn't be ok with me being right next to her while she's texting someone

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe.

What I'm saying that just because you have access to the phone doesn't 100% mean anything.

[Asker]

Oh I know not 100% sure, but it does make it seem pretty unlikely right?

[Opinion Owner]

It's one step in the right direction, it's not a 100% guarantee.

Observing their behaviour is your best option.

I hope it all works out for you brother.

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate it

[BeMuse]

Nope.

[ItsjussZack]

Yea prolly