Would you ever violate your partners trust by secretly looking at their phone to see if they were cheating?

[coachTanthony]

yes if I had too

No never

see poll ( I trust you Coach )

[Aerissa_Jade]

I always wonder why people feel like they need to lock and keep their phone away from someone they profess to love? If you love them, why not share everything?

For me, if someone claims they trust me then they should allow me to look through their phone. I'm not talking dating but a serious relationship. I say we add a finger print to each others phone (or share passwords) so each of us can use it any time.

Not per say to look through but sometimes he'll be driving and using his phone as GPS and it isn't working so I say hand it here and be his navigator but he did it wrong and now I have access to see what I want if I feel like it.

Or my last ex, we had different carriers, so sometimes I had service, he didn't or reverse... so hand me your phone (or I mine) to use to look up stuff or do stuff.

If someone won't do that or is afraid then they clearly have something to hide and I'll end it right there... we are done because YOU DO NOT TRUST ME. Relationship is over... I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me with their phone.

To me that means they 100% have something they know I wouldn't like that they are hiding from me, and I don't even need to go through his phone to find it, if he refuses then I can pull over and tell him to get the fuck out of my car even in the middle of the desert and I don't gaf if he dies. He can use his precious phone to call for a ride.

[Gibbons44]

I agree. It isn't just GPS - it's also 'can you respond to that message'.
I'd want everyone to know me and her are a... call it 'single legal entity', at least in the private sphere. Business wise, if we were to decide to register a company together and be equal shareholders and both directors of it.
Otherwise, why bother being partially in a relationship/partially in marriage? That would contradict the idea of wanted full intimacy.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

On the notifications… your question pops up as “would you ever violate your partner…”🤣🤣I was like wtf till clicked on it and saw the whole post lol

but to answer, if I can’t trust someone, then there’s no relationship. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship where there’s constant doubt or worry if they are are cheating or have to be going through someone’s phone (I wouldn’t do that)

[coachTanthony]

That would be shocking lol

[Gibbons44]

Secretly, probably not. I never have, though aI likely shoukd have (but then I already knew in those relationships that it wasn't where I wanted to be).

For any prospective, future relationship, I expect to freely give access to all my messages and information and to get the same in return.

I am not a believer in individual privacy inside of marriage. It would be pointless to analise each exchange of... even information ir glances or spoken words etc, to then try to attach some monetary value to that - when how to raise a child or children and how to manage together as a household is far more important.

I don't think a sort of 'rental pregnancy' or 'rental wife' would be acceptable to me - I'd rather agree on which of us works to which workload and income level and how we manage that jointly that try to individualise any of that to myself or to her as separate entities (I am saying that, like a registered limited company/business is its own legal person, I consider marriage and family to be its own legal person akin to a company, but for non-profit purposes, if that makes sense)

[Moose304]

I am ONLY talking about marriage. I am NOT speaking to any other type of relationship. I do not feel that a partner is entitled to privacy from the other. The act of marriage in the eyes of society makes you ONE body. I lack both the time and the space to fully type out my points. Trust is interwoven in the relationship I agree. But, so is fidelity! It's not right to hide infidelity behind privacy using trust as the reason. I kind of go by the Reagan philosophy of trust but verify! In today's world, only an idiot would do otherwise. I once asked a man I know that was complaining his wife did not trust him. I told him you are throwing red flags all over the place. Do you really want to be married to a wife that doesn't care if you are cheating or not? He was not cheating as far as I know, but those red flags were driving his wife crazy. They did start seeing a therapist and thankfully he wised up.

[Emogirl999]

I trust my boyfriend and he trusts me, we both have the pin to each others phones and we often use each others phones for stuff like watching videos or listening to music or GPS or sometimes to message one of our friends mutual friends about something.

I have no reason to want to look through his phone but even if i had a reason, I would rather talk to him about it instead of going through his stuff. I know he has nothing to hide and neither do I, and I trust him to be honest with me if I talk to him about any concerns I have.

[Alessa13]

I do not even lock my phone, and he can go through it all he wants and I expect the same. We should be able to share everything, no need to have secrets from each other.

If he cannot trust me enough to have a open phone policy, then he does not trust me enough to be with me.

[midnightmoon05]

I did. Then told him I did. Then told him to get rid of certain leaches. Then he broke up with me. Then we got back together. Then we fought more about those leaches.. then we got married. Now he is grateful that I helped him move away from that part of his life. The end! 😂

[lightbulb27]

yea true, I think open phone policy is a good one. I found a lot of that was my fault for allowing the women to latch on so much and being emotional so supportive. I've found if I do the right positioning up front now and tell them I have a wife, they respect me and wife and avoids creating problems. As well, open communication about whom I talk with in daily life, that helps. That avoids secrecy and better facilities trust.
Thus... the question is a negative one but it can be reformulated as a positive one, and is essential in this day and age.

[Gibbons44]

You sound like a proper person, someone with her own mind. I... well, certainly have not had a relationship with such a female, maybe a short friendship at most.
But then I only had girlfriends/have not consumated a marriage so far (and the 3 long term relationships I was in were none to my liking or of my desire - got seduced a bit, the rest was bad advice and how I got manipulated; yeah, I was very naive 🤷‍♂️)

[SaoirseS]

No. I have total trust in the GPS tracker on his car and the Private Investigator I hired to follow him.

[coachTanthony]

Sounds like you have everything covered. lol

[SaoirseS]

😉😉😉😉

[msc545]

Ah yes, I forgot those in my answer. GPS trackers rock!

[LovingJo]

Usually this would be a no... But when they start to give you reasons to not trust, then yes, I would say so.
I don't like this because when it gets to this, it means that there is something wrong. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[whirled_up_girl]

No, if I’m that suspicious of them then there is likely something wrong or unhealthy with the relationship. I would just end an unhealthy relationship if it can’t be improved.

[TrueConfection]

I don't lock my phone. My husband can look through it anytime he wants. I might examine why he's feeling insecure, but I wouldn't feel like it was a "violation" of any kind. What mine is ours.

[Gibbons44]

All of a sudden, sanity and healthy/inspiring stories on girlsaskguys. Good to see 👍

[TrueConfection]

@Gibbons44 😂 thanks

[pleasestopthis]

Only if I'm 99% sure I'm being cheated on and am looking for valid proof to break it off.
Other than that, I'm against snooping into someone's phone because some conversations are private even if they are not incriminating.

[LazerBean]

Everything we own we consider to be each other's equal property, so both of us are at Liberty to each either stuff at any point in time.

[John_Doesnt]

I would never look at someone's phone without their permission. If I think she might be cheating I would confront her directly like a man: "Are you cheating on me?". Most people usually confess when confronted directly or at least give some kind of obvious indication with their body language.

[KrisKris81]

If you're wrong, then a line will have been crossed. If you're really that supicious, just show up where/when you know you're not expected. It will make him/her a little more paranoid if there is something going on and make it more likely mistakes will be made.

[msc545]

If I was suspicious, I might do that. Better than catching an STD.

[coachTanthony]

Maybe you're just insecure. where does the rabbit hole end? Find nothing on the phone then what?

[msc545]

After that? A keystroke logger on the computer. Also, a packet sniffer on the router.

[coachTanthony]

I can't argue with a man who is on a mission lol

[msc545]

I reiterate - better than an STD! (but a lot of work).

[msc545]

GPS Tracker on the car as well.

[Gibbons44]

Lol. That's a very tangible way of putting it. I have met soooo many people who 'demand' the freedom to... well, to annoy, really - because if you think about it, anyone so bad in relating they need a 2nd partner obviously could not keep their first one happy.
Otherwise they woyldn't bother stroking their own ego (and self-ruining) by lies and/or cheating.

[TacosRAwesome]

in my opinion if I'm considering then maybe the relationship is already over because either I'm too insecure to be with them or they're doing things that are making me insecure.

[Vegasrunner]

@TacosRAwesome Yea, if you feel the need to justify looking in someone else private property then it's probably insecurity.

[SexyRedd1966]

No, if I get to the point where I want to look in their phone we definitely need to have a talk

[Kaneki05]

No point really if one is cheating it will be revealed sooner or later.

[Adam1978]

No if I am at that state it's better to dump her. Don't be with a girl you can't trust.

[LiamJHayden]

No. If she gives me a reason to suspect her I just end it. Without trust I would just be wasting my time.

[loveslongnails]

Don't ever have to, Coach. That's the beauty of being in an open relationship - the only form of "cheating" would be non-disclosure, and there's no reason to do that.

[admles]

No, and I never go through hers.

we know the PIN to each others phone but that just came up because we both wanted to change music in each others car.

We have a relationship based on trust, so no need to go through each others phone, but if she asked to see something specific, I would show her, but if I ever caught her snooping behind my back, we would be having a LONG chat.

[DancingQueen16]

No because he's never given me any signs or reasons I shouldn't trust him