Boyfriend moving in with female bestfriend?

[Anonymous]

A few weeks ago I found out that I fell pregnant (it was unexpected and I ended up miscarrying a week later). The morning after we found out we were laying in bed together just processing and my boyfriend randomly announced he's moving in with his really close female friend when his lease is up. (he lives with someone else at the moment). It was out of the blue and my response was just "oh". He could tell I wasn't happy, and I just said I was a bit uncomfortable with it. His response was "fine I won't do it then". I replied that I wasn't in charge of him and it wasn't my place to say no, but that I was uncomfortable and it was up to him what he was going to do knowing that.
We didn't speak about it again, but I was hoping that he would talk to me about it a bit more to at least find out why I was uncomfortable and talk it through, although I figured I'd give him time since his lease isn't up for a few more months.

The other night we went out for drinks my boyfriend and I and he invited her along. She mentioned that they were moving in and he turned to me and said "yeah we're going to be neighbours" (she lives in my street, I live my myself).

I was just kind of hurt that he didn't talk it through with me more and that I had to hear about it like that, and that he didn't even try to make me more comfortable about it by hearing my concerns.

We talked about it afterwards which turned a little heated, and his response was that it wasn't set it stone so he didn't tell me yet. He didn't seem to understand that even if it's just being planned he can still talk about it. I'm the kind of person who likes sharing everything with my partner and going to them about things, so that hurt me.
I don't think they'll be sexually inappropriate or he'll cheat, it's just that they're quite close and have in-jokes and I'm not embarrassed to admit I'd be jealous that he'd see her more than he sees me.

Any thoughts? Sorry for the essay!

[ragequeen]

Lololololol come on... It's obvious that they are fucking. He didn't ask if you were okay with it... He waited with telling you... Got defensive... She didn't tell you or ask if you were okay with it... Men nor women should have "super close friends of the opposite sex"... Literally everything is wrong here. Dump his ass and let him be happy with his new roomie. If you don't it will go to hell.

[chihuahua011]

That's somewhat weird. I certainly wouldn't move in with a girl (close friend or not) when I have a girlfriend 'cause I know I'd be uncomfortable af the other way around too and I'd wonder why would she choose her guy friend over me.

If he generally finds nothing wrong with it, then something is not right and should be talked about. He should be searching for a way to move in with you not other girls (again close friend or not)

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your reply, feels nice to know someone would feel the same. I think the fact he didn't even think of my feelings is why I'm so hurt

[chihuahua011]

Well I would hurt too. It should be sorted out before anything drastic happens, but you should consider what to do next if he still seems uncaring about your feelings about him living with another girl.

[chihuahua011]

Should be obvious in my opinion, but we aren't all the same. Hope you will get the best out of it!

[Asker]

Thanks so much 😊

[chihuahua011]

You're welcome! ✌️😊

[JPrez]

I would share your concerns and I don’t think you’re being overly jealous. Under such a scenario he will have certain nights where the two of them will be together in the apartment. I’m sorry but, “Hello, Macfly”, that’s not kosher. Crap happens and men and women do things. Stand your ground and tell him this is a deal breaker with the two of you and he should not do it.

[Asker]

Thank you.
I've never been the kind of girl to tell a partner not to do something let alone give them an ultimatum, I've always just wanted to make them happy and go along with everything and not be the "bossy girlfriend" but then again I've always been taken advantage of and walked all over so maybe it's about time I become a bit tougher and stand my ground

[JPrez]

Sounds like you are a very good girlfriend to me. 👍

[Asker]

Thank you so much 😊

[exitseven]

I really don't blame you from being upset. Your boyfriend definitely should have been more sympathetic to your feelings. I agree with you and I'm a guy.

He may or may not cheat I don't know him. You seem to trust him. It is possible for a guy to have close female friends and not feel like they want more. Most of my close friends when I was younger were females.
You will be living on the same street? Maybe you could go over there more frequently.

[Asker]

Thank you so much 😊

I think the issue also is if I go there he'll always include her in our plans or hanging out, he doesn't seem to see it as an issue because in his eyes we're still spending time together.

I have a male friend too, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex as long as you're respectful towards your partner and aware of anything that would make them uncomfortable, so it's upsetting that even though I voiced I'm uncomfortable with it he's not sympathetic towards that.

How would you handle it from here? Talking doesn't really seem to help so far

[exitseven]

The big thing is that you need to let him know that sometimes you want some alone time with him. This is not an unreasonable request and you will not come off as being controlling.