When a guy says he can’t handle the stress and responsibility of a relationship right now, what is the stress and responsibility he’s talking about?

[Anonymous]

He said this because he is in a huge career change that will determine his entire future so he’s like I like you and want to keep seeing you but I can’t handle the stress and responsibility of a real relationship. Why would it be stressful or like what is so big about being in a relationship?

[amadimal]

He has clearly established his priorities. You can't blame anyone for trying to focus on their career instead of a relationship, because a bad career move can alter your entire life. If this story is true, I can imagine how stressful it can be for him.
I think he was fair and polite when he told you that he does not have the time for a relationship right now.
BUT GIRL, enough about him. Think of YOU. What do you want? Are you okay with this situation? Do you wanna be stringed along for an unknown period of time? I think it would be safer for you to accept the situation and move on. If it's meant to be and he sorts things out in his life, maybe he'll come back if he really thinks you're fit for him. But until then, focus on yourself and don't welcome heartbreak with open arms.

[Asker]

He has, and no I cannot blame him or be upset. And he may even be moving abroad so it all makes sense... I guess I just thought why not continue seeing each other and if we part, we part. I’d be ok with something casual because I’m not sure what I want right now either. I don’t even know if he’s the one. It’s hard to sort through my feelings but I think where I’m at is if something happens cool, if not, I don’t think I’d get heartbroken either? So why not? But I can’t predict if I will get stronger feelings for him or not either. Ugh.

[btbc92]

Because people are often toxic when they get into relationships, and most relationships are full of drama, issues that are unhealthy, and many want to use relationships for their own gain and not to have something stable. He understands that he cannot emotionally, mentally, and psychologically handle it. Neither can I, especially as an abuse victim and growing up in a dysfunctional home.

He is at least honest and has told you the reality. If you cannot handle that, it's best to move on. It is just not an appropriate time, and he can tell that you won't be happy with him. In the end, he's hurting a lot more than you are right now. In other words, you have a lot of emotional needs he can't provide you. It's not really you or him. But you two are not compatible.

[Asker]

Makes sense. I wouldn’t say we aren’t compatible because of wrong timing.

[btbc92]

There is no such thing as wrong timing. It is clear you two are not compatible in those areas which is highly important. Hobbies, and such doesn't matter. Emotions doesn't really matter. What DOES MATTER is are you financially compatible, are you emotionally compatible, (I didn't say anything aoyt feeling for another), but can you fulfill each other's emotional needs? Because it sounds like you have way more emotional needs than he cannot give you. It is not because of work or him moving abroad. He is gently rejecting you. Not to hurt you, but because your not mature enough yet to understand where he is coming from. Because the reality is you very emotionally needer than him. And he cannot compete with that without telling you and breaking your heart.

[btbc92]

Trust me when I say, I say the same thing. You can just sense and feel that it is not an appropriate relationship. You need somebody who can give you those emotional needs he cannot give you. His moving abroad just makes it much easier to let go. Again, it is NOT because he doesn't or wouldn't WANT TO. But he knows he is not who you need. And you have to go for what you need, not what you want unless what you want is what you need. Is he whom you need? Does he need you equally? WHY? you have to dig DEEP with this because you create a disaster of a relationship that could have been avoided. Too many people are so emotionally desperate because they want what they want, even f they never been emotionally neglected by their parents. Love is not a feeling. And relationships require more than just emotions alone. You need rational and logical reasons to be together. And it's clear all you two have is emotions, but where is the logic and rationale of being in one? To be friends and growing into that with KNOWING compatibility: no premarital sex, desire, or marriage, against abortion, is ANOTHER THING. Not knowing any of this is a risk factor that will leave either or hurt. How far are you willing to take the risks? Because if you cannot be responsible for your own feelings, heart and mind, you cannot blame anybody else for those adult decisions. That is the difference between childhood and adulthood, maturity and immaturity. If you are immature with your feelings, it will affect others around you, especially those who are mature.

[btbc92]

I can tell that if he disappoints you, you may leave the relationship or blame him for what you already felt. Be honest with yourself. Because at least he tried being honest with you. Because he knows you won't like the truth. You'll just blame him for leading you on. If he knows that then he is responsible for knowing. But if you already know you wouldn't care you just want him anyway. Then that is not love, but selfish desperation to fill something you're already missing. But I can safely tell you, you won't find it in a romantic relationship.

[btbc92]

If it is meant for you two to be together, It will happen no matter what you two may face. If not, best to move on.

[Asker]

Thank you for your thought out answer. How do I figure out these things? I haven’t said really anything about him or me in the question. All I was wondering was what is considered stress in a relationship.. since I’ve never been in a serious relationship so I wouldn’t know. He’s had a series of bad turn outs that hindered his career so now he does not want to risk it. I don’t need the emotional support from him now. I just wanted to be friends and keep the possibility of us as an option. I don’t know if he can fulfill my emotional needs if we dated since I don’t know him well enough to say that. We only recently started dating. We truthfully don’t know that much about each other but for some reason I don’t want to let go whereas with other guys that would have told me this I would have.

[Asker]

I would not blame him if we turn sour. I do understand this is his life and career and only knowing me for a couple months isn’t enough to factor me into his life. I don’t really know what to feel, I think I’m just sad about the situation, not at him or anything. I’m just being stubborn about letting him go entirely. I’d be content just casually seeing him and I’d take responsibility of my emotions. But I can’t tell if that’s a dumb decision on my end or not.

[btbc92]

That's why you be friends for a very long time and get to know each other. Not rush into dating and then regret it. He already made it very clear he can't afford it. I say this if you two remain objective you're bound to know this in the least than a year of friendship if it is appropriate.

[btbc92]

However, this needs to be a mutual decision. And you must be serious about this. No games.

[btbc92]

At that point, really ask yourself should you be dating at all if this is what you feel?

[Asker]

I’m thinking more big picture? Like we stay cool for now and down the road if there is a time that opens up for us to be part of each other’s lives in a greater degree well at least we have some sort of friendship background. I feel like we are compatible, actually. Financially definitely. Right now I make more than he does actually. Emotionally, again I cannot say at this point. Personality wise, he’s someone I would be friends with.

[btbc92]

You two are getting older. You cannot afford it and neither can he. You better really make sure he is that one person you really want to be invested in because it just doesn't sound like you are even for that. I'm telling you now. Because if you go through with this, he will hold you accountable if you won't. Be smart. Do you really have any business in being with this guy other than just friendship?

[btbc92]

The point I am making to you is that you have to want a future together beyond that. I only gave that as a basic example. There are literally 100s of questions you need to assess before you get in too deep and cause a problem. Any baggage you accumulate tends to follow you. So again, you need to make sure and not rush.

[Asker]

Sorry just saw your new responses now. I guess I don’t know the answer... I haven’t seen him for a few weeks now to gain a peace of mind and I feel more level headed and understanding but at the same time I’m not sure how I’ll handle it all if I give it a try. I’ve never been here before with anyone so I don't know:/ I don’t even know if I need a romantic relationship right now. I think I just like him and maybe we are meant to be more friends in the long run over romance. I’m not sure. He didn’t tell me any of this until 2 months in. So I was gaining feelings and then he told me he couldn’t. So I did feel a little led on then, now I don’t. I was emotional towards him when he told me and I do wish I wasn’t :/

[Asker]

You’re right I really don’t know if he is the one, but I can’t figure that out fully can I unless we do get to know each other more? I’m 26 and he’s 30, so I feel like I have a little more room for mistakes and growth until I need to settle but I’m not sure about him.

[btbc92]

Asker, there is no such thing as the one. That's fantasy. You have to wake up to the real world. Becuase that is the lesson this guy have been trying to tell you. Be realistic with your choices before you get seriously hurt.

[btbc92]

You have a lot to mature in as a person before you reach his level. You're not a teen anymore who never knew any better. Your an adult who should already understand that is not what relationships is about. You have to grow and mature first before you make that decision. Especially for somebody like him. I believe that is the one lesson he tried to teach you. In my opinion, you have to find somebody who is on the same level as you.

[btbc92]

What it is is not so much because of your age. You two are on a different level mentally and you aren't compatible on that level. I have a friend who is similar to you. We are the same age, we have a similar personality, but we both have different maturity levels. We still love each other, but again, we have different desires in a way in the kind of relationship we want. But we are pretty much like twins. But her values are more on the emotional and physical side. For me, it has to be emotional, rational, and realistic side. She is a more hopeless romantic and I am a more realistic romantic. I have "hope" but I am far more cynical with it now because of the amount of abuse I suffered from other people. So you may think you work well personality-wise, but unless you understand your personality functions you may end up making decisions based on feeling and not the ability to operate well together as people.

[NathanDavis]

a major career change, can take more of the time you have, more energy than you have, and it will be more challenging than you previously had, a lot of risk can be involved.
And this might leave the person with no time or energy to dedicate to a partner, which is very stressful due to the fact that you cannot really be the best partner, while this might be "no issue" for the partner, it will be quite a deal for him, he just doesn't want to NOT give his 100% to a relationship.

[pleasestopthis]

Being in a relationship is stressing by itself. You have to put up with your partner's tantrums, defects, keeping her happy, and more. Being alone is way easier.

[JamesRandiDebates]

The stress of having a parasite attached to him.