Is it normal that my boyfriend is saving up to buy a house for his mom, and not us?

[Anonymous]

We talk about marriage and and getting a house together one day.

I’ve been saving up and investing to have money for a house one day. Whenever I tell him this, I kinda expect him to be like “me too,” but instead he says “that’s good. You can buy us a house and I can buy a house for my mom and charge her rent.”

It baffles and annoyed me that the first thing he thinks of is supporting his mom, not me. I don’t get why he would want to help me buy us a house. What is the point of even getting married if he doesn’t want to contribute to a house? Is this normal? I’m confused.

His mom is super young and works and has a husband. They used to be homeless when my boyfriend was a kid, but she’s successful now and has money.

[Anonymous]

Lmao, why are you so pressed because unlike you, your boyfriend cares about his mom?
Yeah, he wants to buy a house for his mom because he loves her. Do you know the value of the relation between a mother and a son?
If I were your boyfriend, I would have dumped you for being so freaking selfish. Just because your boyfriend chose to be with you doesn't mean you have the right to dictate his life and expect him to not care about his mom.
You mentioned his mom is 41.. that means, she had him when she was very young and she gave up her youth to take care of him and I'd say your boyfriend is someone who is grateful while you're a selfish and negative person.
Go and care about your parents instead of bitching about how your boyfriend cares about his mother and learn from your boyfriend how to be grateful. Gosh!

[incognito546]

No one said he shouldn’t love his mom. But when you decide to marry someone, that’s the family you’re committing to lead and protect. If that’s controversial, then we just have different standards.

The dynamic changes when a man becomes a husband. Loving your mom doesn’t stop but your wife becomes your primary partner. That’s how healthy marriages work.

[Anonomo]

I think it might be kinda normal because I kinda had that conversation with my boyfriend, but he was confused on either saving up for a house for us or saving up for a house for his parents. The only downfall here is his priority is not you at the moment it's his mom. Which is not a bad thing, in his mind he's probly wanting to give back to his mom after struggling for him and his siblings (if he has any)
I would say just talk to him and tell him how you feel, and mention you wouldn't like to live with your in laws for your own personal reasons for your future cause same girl same.

[yucel_eden]

He’s great full to he’s mother.

my mother should have abandoned me based on the conditions she was subject to.

She didn’t and once I buy my own house I will buy one for her.

[incognito546]

your mother is your mother and she decided to have you. You didn’t ask to come into this world

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he still feels like he needs to help her due to her homeless past.
I can understand why you find this hard though

[Siren777]

Wtf...
So he takes care of his mom while he lives off of you? Screw that. That's not equal give and take. What happens when you don't work out for whatever reason?
His mom is young and has a husband. She has money of her own. Don't be manipulated into such BS. As it should be teamwork.

[usernamexxxxʸᵉˢ]

Maybe he buys a house for them bc they will get old and not be able to work anymore so if his moms house going with rent prob thats why he's scared her to live in streets again. but still i think he have to help you about the house it annoyed me too rn. (im saying these as a 15 yr old (and i dont have a great English) u can just dont mind my comment but the things i say can be the truth) 😶

[Asker]

She had him young so she’s only 41 and in perfect health

[usernamexxxxʸᵉˢ]

You can't know what will happen in any second tbh Prevention is always needed.

[usernamexxxxʸᵉˢ]

And you need to talk about it with him calmly and at the right time when he's calm and charmy.(in a good mood)

[Asker]

she has a younger husband and a ton of siblings so she definitely would be taken care of. My parents are in their 60s so if anything, they would need help but I wouldn’t force that burden on my husband

[usernamexxxxʸᵉˢ]

Hmmm... I see. you should talk with him gurl.

[boggboss]

I think your reading too much into this if he buys her 1 and says he will charge her rent where do u think that rent money would go?

[Li-Na]

But considering the age of this woman, assuming her partner is roughly the same, the mother should be in her late 40s or early 50s.

That's a tad bit risky, health risks come with age meaning hypothetically she could die in the near future. Thus if house - to her desires - was bought, there would be no return in income if she indeed dies in the near future. In other words, all the investment would have been pointless.

Secondly, one could say, why not just keep the house and live there if she passes? That entirely depends on if the son is able to cope being in that house, the house his mother died.

Additionally, people essentially buy houses that are suited to their needs, if the house was bought for the mother - it would merely be beneficial to her needs, not the son's nor his girlfriend's.

This is a scenario that should not be overlooked.

[boggboss]

Ofc not but at that point the investment is the house itself when 1 occupant dies or moves out do u not move someone else in? Yes its not a simple process but owning property tends to be a good investment if done properly

[Li-Na]

But saying that, I could be wrong as age is not confirmed.

[boggboss]

No I understand play devils advocate always helps explore other points off view I just think op is getting upset over somthing that sounds like was not even spoke about properly and just passing comments

[Asker]

I’d rather not mix business with family. Like if we’re going to be landlords, it feels awkward if the occupant is his mom. I could see my boyfriend giving her price breaks or even telling her she doesn’t have to pay if she’s struggling financially

[boggboss]

If its a issue u have with him why not talk to him about it then other then venting on here because it still sounds like no matter what anyone says on gag it will bother u so better explain your concerns to him over getting upset

[Li-Na]

You can move someone else in but time is crucial. It could take 10-15 years to make up the price for a house, it's continuing to increase.

That means, they would have to be in a rented apartment until they've saved yet again.

[Li-Na]

That's a very good point, OP. Business and family should never cross each other, it can end up very messy.

[boggboss]

No ofc I was just floating ideas as without knowing the financial information everything is just guess work

[Alyssa11]

You should say that to him. He sounds like a mama's boy.

[Anonymous]

Yeah... Married with boyfriend then divorce him then take all their money

[Asker]

huh?

[supercutebutt]

Maybe all of you can live in the house together?

[Asker]

I really don’t want to live with in-laws or my parents. My boyfriend also said he doesn’t want family living with us. His family is VERY drama-filled and kinda toxic.
I’ll have enough money saved to buy a house myself, so I’d rather do that than live with family lol.

[Thedivinechic]

He should marry his mom. Lol

[Anonymous]

Does his mum not already have a house of her own?

[Asker]

They live in an apartment. She has said she could buy a house if she wanted to. She also travels and stuff. So she definitely has money.

[Opinion Owner]

So then he has no reason to buy her a house, if she wanted one she would buy her own. So it’s odd that he’d spend his money on that and making you pay for a house for the both of you. I’d be pissed.

[Asker]

Yeah I can see myself being bitter about it and 100% leaving his name OFF the house deed if I had to buy it

[Opinion Owner]

You should leave his name off if he’s not willing to contribute to buying it.