Asked for phone number, lost interest?

[Anonymous]

A guy at this coffee shop was chasing me quite hard and was really nice to me. I gave him a letter thanking him for all his generosity , asking him if he's free anytime we can hang out. He then asked for my number twice in the span of 5 minutes. I gave it to him but he didn't text that day. The next day, he gave me free stuff and came over and said he will text but didn't text. Now his attitude has changed, neither he pays any attention to me nor he's being nice. All he doss now is say hello and how are you. But nothing more than that.

What did I do? He's acting like I gave him a fake number or treated him badly. I feel so miserable. Is he playing games or he's just lost interest in me due to me being from a different country and my number has that or he has too many insecurities?

[Aassem]

Well possibly he was extra nice before because he wanted to woo you, and get your number now that he has it he doesn't need to be extra nice anymore. It sounds like he is in fact playing games as you said. He's now getting you to crush on him so that he can be able to have sex with you with minimal resistance from you as you would have already reached a level of infatuation for him.

Remember I said possibly, just be careful.

[Asker]

He lied saying he will write to me but didn't then he's no longer serving me on the till and when he sees me, he leaves the till but will wave around to get my attention or come around and sat hello or how are you.
What's the point?

And how can he have sex when he's no longer showing any interest?

[Aassem]

I think maybe he will ask you out soon, he's just fermenting you for now so that it would be hard for you to say no to him in time.. It's the seduction game, he could be a master in it... Again maybe and could be xD

[Asker]

Fermenting? 🤣😬😬😬 what is this?

[Aassem]

Preparing..

[Aassem]

Passively preparing*

[Asker]

How will this type of behaviour lead to sex though?

[Aassem]

The more you wonder about him the more you would want his approval which would make it hard for you to reject him when he's finally acting all nice again during the date or the hangout or whatever. And you'd find yourself appreciating his moves and wanting to please him thinking that's how you don't push him away, because finally he's giving you the attention you have been craving all this time during the fermentation period xD
This sounds horrible I know but a lot of guys do that.

[Asker]

But he's not even staring now? So how can he be interested?

[Aassem]

-__-
Woman please. The answer is in my replies.

[Asker]

You didn't explain? It just seems like he no longer cares

[Asker]

Helllooooo?

[Aassem]

Hi..
Well he still waves at you, he doesn't completely ignore you, so he maybe still interested but he doesn't wanna show it to keep you craving his attention, or maybe he did actually lose interest and now he's just friend zoning you.

[Asker]

But why would he lose interest after getting phone number?

[Asker]

He asked for it?

[Aassem]

It happens maybe because he found you too eager or because the chase is now over for him. I mean talking to you right now I can safely say you're pretty obsessive, you're not chill, I bet you keep looking at him showing naively how much you want his attention, and that probably turned him off, I could be wrong.

[Asker]

No I never stared back at him. Even when he used to look a lot, I wouldn't make eye contact.

[Asker]

I wasn't eager at all. When I gave him the letter I did not give my number. I just wrote if he wants to meet up outside of work, he can tell me when we see each other again. He himself told me that next time when you come I write your number then came again saying just give me your number.

A week later, I gave it to him. The next day he came up to me while I was waiting and said he will write to me today but didn't. That's when he has been avoiding me as he hasn't texted and has nothing to say why he hasn't

[Aassem]

Okay then it's more likely the other possibility, either way just stop obsessing it's not healthy

[Asker]

Which possibility?

[Aassem]

Omg that he's fermenting you woman what I was talking about earlier, focus.

[Asker]

Fermenting? But why do you think si? He hasn't got a reply for not messaging me that's why? right?

[Asker]

Hellooo?

[Aassem]

I have nothing else to add.

[Asker]

Do you think he's nice or a bad guy? Based on this?

[Aassem]

Nice

[Asker]

But you said fermentation is bad?

[Aassem]

Well I said he's nice I didn't say he's good. I said he's nice because he acts nice that's all.

[Asker]

But he's not being nice anymore so how's that nice?

[Aassem]

He's not being extra nice anymore now he's just nice.

[Asker]

But isn't he manipulative?

[Aassem]

We don't know yet. It's a possibility tho.

[Asker]

OK I caught him staring at me lol and he was smiling too, waved from afar lol. What is he even attempting 😳🤣

[Asker]

OK so today he changed completely. He was staring a lot, he served me too and gave me a free croissant too. Brought me my drinks too. And we mostly smiled a lot at each other.
What's going on?

[Aassem]

Nothing enjoy the situation stop obsessing until things get real for now it's just mutual interest..

[Asker]

I dont like him. He's not someone I would consider as a boyfriend as I am not really attracted to him

[Aassem]

Fascinating. After all this obsession and you don't like him... Oh I see he's not usually your type but his behavior bugled your mind.. The extra attention then the no attention thing scrambled your head.

[Asker]

He looked cute from the mask but not so cute after the removal of mask. We can be friends though

[Anonymous]

I think it's the country thing. Most guys find it hard to deal with

[Asker]

But what's hard? It's just dating and friendship? I'm sure he's not thing straight about marriage

[Opinion Owner]

Like are you from a different country and he didn't know about it at all? Or is it like you will be gling back to your own country?

[Asker]

No I entered but without even dreaming to me about my career goals or life goals, how can he make an assumption? Esp with covid, students can earn go back

[Asker]

He lied saying he will write to me but didn't then he's no longer serving me on the till and when he sees me, he leaves the till but will wave around to get my attention or come around and sat hello or how are you.
What's the point?

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so maybe your race or ethnicity isn't something he prefers

Or maybe he is just taking it too slow
MEN ARE COMPLEX

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it could be that you were one of bis challenges which ended when you gave the number. Just don't mond him much next time. Act like you're busy

[Asker]

But he already knew that I from a different race as he's white but I'm not white. And he was still staring at me and now waving/saying hi.

[Opinion Owner]

Then it's one of the other things i said

[Asker]

What other things?

[Opinion Owner]

That you was just a challenge for him. Men love the chase so once they see we like them back, some of them lose interest.
So ACT BUSY

[Asker]

But I have not given any strong indication? Like I purposely never stared back at him while he did. I also didn't give him my number at first in the letter. He came asking for it

[Opinion Owner]

You said you gave a letter to him. You acted interested

[Asker]

Because he was being extremely nice, very caring. Literally running across to get me stuff and I felt bad that I hadn't thanked him properly

[Asker]

Hey girl?

[LiamSawyer]

Give me your number!

[Asker]

Nooooo

[LiamSawyer]

Lol... can't blame a guy for trying not that I ever expected to get you digits.

[LiamSawyer]

Can I help in any other way?

[LiamSawyer]

On a more serious point.

[Asker]

Pls answer this question