If you passed away, would you really want your spouse or love of your life to find another person to be with?

Question

This question has a lot to think about such as the age of you and your SO, whether or not you two had children, how long you'd want them to wait, etc.

Naturally, I do not feel like we would want our significant others to find another person to be with even after we've passed. I think it is normal for us to want them for ourselves, even though we are not around anymore to be with them. Despite this normal feeling, we can understand why they would want to be with another person after we've passed as life can be challenging, cruel, tough, unforgiving, and tiring especially more so while alone.

Perhaps it is unrealistic and unreasonable to expect our loved ones to remain alone after we've passed.

How would we feel if there was an afterlife and we reunited with them and their lover (s)? What would be said? How would we feel?

What if our loved ones were just as content being alone as they were getting with someone else? What would we recommend for them to do? Would we still want them to be with someone? Do you really love someone if you would be okay with them being with someone else?

There's a lot to think about and consider.

Anon621 · Accepted Answer

Yes. I would honestly hate to see my spouse being loyal to me after my death. I completely understand some people have the mentality of only getting married once which is understandable and I can I understand people want to be loyal even if their spouse dies but I personally think being loyal to a dead person is just really depressing and in my opinion I think it is too focused on the past. Who knows, if an afterlife truly does exist and I could actually watch my spouse potentially from time to time it would put a smile on my face to see my spouse happy with someone else or happy that they at least finally let me go and let me rest while they keep moving forward instead of focusing on me. I suppose depending on your religion you can also make the argument you can move forward together with your partners spirit during prayer where you can pray together and they can pray with you in their spirit form even though you can't see or hear them most likely but that would personally just make me sad to watch if I ended up in a spirit form somewhere.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

This is one of THOSE issues! It's an issue where the answer is based entirely on emotion, not logic. And you won't really know how you feel in that situation until you're actually in that situation.

I am 9 years old than my SO so I am likely to face this scenario in the next 30-40 years. I would hope that I would not be selfish but I really don't know how I would feel.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Me and my husband have discussed this and its definitely a no since we both believe that we are spiritually connected even in the afterlife and wouldn't want anyone else after each other's deaths anyways.

Ellie-V · Accepted Answer

Well the solution is to kill them first before you die

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

As a person that has lost her spouse and know the pain, the loss, the suffering, the loneliness ave sadness... Had I gone before him, I'd rather he wouldn't of gone through all that if he found someone that could make him happy avid take care of him the way he would of deserved... Loving another wouldn't lesson what we had...

jennifer_bloom · Answer

If I had a partner I would want them to remarry so they can be happy and respected and loved but I plan on being extremely kind and sweet to my future husband one day so I’m not sure a guy can ever replace me if I die before he does, people who are nice like me are hard to come by.

MzAsh · Answer

I  would  want him to move on. When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. If you’re dead, why would you deny them happiness with another person? You’re dead so it’s not about you anymore. It’s about them. That’s love.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Me and my boyfriend had a discussion about this and I told him if I died I'd want him to find happiness again just as long as he promised me he'd make sure she was a really good, kind, loving woman and didn't forget me. He told me he wouldn't want me to find love again as he'd be really jealous. I love him but he's very possessive at times he wants me all to himself and he knows this seems bad and he trys to not be but he likes to have all my attention on him and I find it kinda cute when he just wants to lock me up in a room alone with him and snuggle for hours. I honestly don't think I could move on from him anyway. He's the love of my life

TruthBringer · Answer

It is just like you said, I don't believe anyone truly wants their significant other to move on to another someone else. The most important thing is simply accepting it will happen. This is at least much more prone to be the case if they were still young. If I die today, I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to remain single after my death. And neither would I remain single just to remain loyal to a dead person when I have my whole life infront of me. So yeah, I already accepted this very basic fact before even having the relationship.

The only group I've so far seen remain loyal after one's death are older couples (above the age of 60). In the end, you're dead. So it's none of your concern what they do after then. Whether they want to remain single or not is their choice and our choice if the roles were reversed.

tiff_the_tranny · Answer

My beliefs regarding death have been shaped by Christian theology. A question was posed to Jesus. If a widow remarries then when she dies whose husband will she be? The answer given is that in the afterlife we are neither given nor taken in marriage.

That's a pretty clear cut case of "til death do us part." Once I'm gone I will no longer be his/her wife. If I manage to get into Heaven I'll be too busy learning the secrets of the universe to even care. If my transgenderism and bisexuality land me in Hell I'll have bigger problems than what or who my widow/widower is doing. If the atheists are right and all that waits is non-existence then what do I care? Consummate the relationship on my casket before they lower me into the ground for all I care.

normalice · Answer

I would be dead. Whatever fears or anxieties I have about death I will no longer be capable of having after death, because that's what dead means. It will be as though I never existed in the first place, as far as I'm concerned - because i would no longer possess the capacity to be concerned. I would be compost in the shape of a person. And that wouldn't even really be me - just some compost - because I wouldn't exist.

But to answer your question, I wouldn't be able to "want" either way, because I would be a figment of other people's imagination, until I'm not that either.

Sarahr123 · Answer

No. I have discussed it with my boyfriend and both of us said that we wouldn’t find anyone else. Death is the shedding of the physical body but love doesn’t die with it. Love, and especially first love - which is the only true love, will follow you to your grave. It doesn’t die with the lover, it transcends your own death. If I were to die my boyfriend wouldn’t remarry and I am pretty sure of that. If he died I certainly would never look towards anyone else again. I believe love and marriage happens once.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I like to think I would want my partner to find someone else they could be happy with, even if it's not me, but it's impossible to say for sure without currently being in a relationship.

I think age has to do with it too. Like at my current age I would absolutely want my partner to move on. They still have so much life to live, if they want to do that with someone then they should go find someone. But then I think about my great grandmother who is in her late 90s and was married for over 60 years. Her husband died a few years back and I know she still wears her wedding ring and probably will until she dies. After being together that long, I can't imagine moving on to someone else

Ninjazzed · Answer

I don’t believe too much in the afterlife or the concept of heaven. I mean I do somewhat slightly, but I don’t believe it’s what it’s been cracked up to be.

We are energy, as everything around us is composed of energy. We will just be bundles of energy lingering up in hyperspace.

I don’t think it will really matter once I’m dead and gone. We’re all transient beings in this world and we’ll eventually end up getting replaced by our offspring.

They can choose to preserve and honor my memory, but I wouldn’t want them to be unhappy and alone, dwelling on a previous point in time.

That won’t bring anyone happiness. Nostalgia isn’t an entirely bad thing but sometimes it can silently rob you of joy.

TKasap · Answer

I'd want them to be happy and if that means finding another partner then yes I'm fine with it. I've heard these situations and stories many many times and often the widow/widower learns that loving anther man/woman doesn't mean they loved their deceased partner any less, only their capacity to love grew. I'm sure the deceased partner will always have their place in the widow/widower's heart and no one can ever replace them, but they can still have a happy meaningful life with a new partner. If I die I'd want the love of my life to still be happy and if finding someone else makes them happy then they should go for it!

ariadneR · Answer

Honestly no. I know it sounds selfish, but he's all mine. I don't want to share him with anybody. I waited long enough to find him and have him so let me enjoy my time.
Besides I'll be haunting his ass 😅🤣
But... a part of me wants him to be happy. I dont want him to be alone and sad missing me. If he's OK with his loneliness then it's ok

Mellifluous_ · Answer

I'd want them to do whatever would help them cope and benifit them. If being with someone else would make them happy, then so be it. I would just want them to be happy. I wouldn't be alive to feel hurt or jealous over how they choose to cope with their pain.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

Yes I would.. I won't be around to help him through life. Id want him to know each time he smiled id be smiling. Just cause my life would be over I wouldn't want his to be.. it would just be the beginning of a new chapter! He has amazing love to give it would be a shame if it went to waste! Id just absolutely hate it if he ended up getting taken advantage of or mistreated in any capacity!! Id want nothing but love, joy, peace and wealth for him! He truly deserves it!

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Well yeah, if I exist after death and I see her with some one else its going to feel like a betrayel, but realistically what are they suppose to do, just stop living? So the answer is both. Intellectually and pragmatically yes I want them to keep living their life, emotionally I want them to stay loyal to me to the end. Sadly you can't really have it both ways.

MrOracle · Answer

Yes.

Obviously, I'd have had all the time with her that I could have, and now I'm dead, so there's nothing more to be gained by keeping her alone and lonely. If she can find love again, then I would certainly hope she does.

in my opinion, to do otherwise would be incredibly selfish and for no good reason.

Account · Answer

I am torn. I would want them to live a happy life, however I am incredibly selfish and that is a huge flaw of mine. Deep inside, I wouldn't like the idea of them being with another person, but I wouldn't admit it to them. I would be understanding if they chose to do that.

Alyssa11 · Answer

I haven’t been in that kind of commitment yet but I will probably want them to find somebody else. If I love someone I’m gonna to truly love them, and I’d want them to be happy. It’s not fair and it won’t make me feel any better to know they’d live a lonely life without me.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

One day I know I’m going to kick the bucket & if I’m married or with someone at the time I really hope she flocking moves on. On the other hand if she happens to kick the bucket first like the contract says To Death Do Us Part & with that said I’ll move on.

If you passed away, would you really want your spouse or love of your life to find another person to be with?

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