If you passed away, would you really want your spouse or love of your life to find another person to be with?

[Anonymous]

This question has a lot to think about such as the age of you and your SO, whether or not you two had children, how long you'd want them to wait, etc.

Naturally, I do not feel like we would want our significant others to find another person to be with even after we've passed. I think it is normal for us to want them for ourselves, even though we are not around anymore to be with them. Despite this normal feeling, we can understand why they would want to be with another person after we've passed as life can be challenging, cruel, tough, unforgiving, and tiring especially more so while alone.

Perhaps it is unrealistic and unreasonable to expect our loved ones to remain alone after we've passed.

How would we feel if there was an afterlife and we reunited with them and their lover (s)? What would be said? How would we feel?

What if our loved ones were just as content being alone as they were getting with someone else? What would we recommend for them to do? Would we still want them to be with someone? Do you really love someone if you would be okay with them being with someone else?

There's a lot to think about and consider.

[Anon621]

Yes. I would honestly hate to see my spouse being loyal to me after my death. I completely understand some people have the mentality of only getting married once which is understandable and I can I understand people want to be loyal even if their spouse dies but I personally think being loyal to a dead person is just really depressing and in my opinion I think it is too focused on the past. Who knows, if an afterlife truly does exist and I could actually watch my spouse potentially from time to time it would put a smile on my face to see my spouse happy with someone else or happy that they at least finally let me go and let me rest while they keep moving forward instead of focusing on me. I suppose depending on your religion you can also make the argument you can move forward together with your partners spirit during prayer where you can pray together and they can pray with you in their spirit form even though you can't see or hear them most likely but that would personally just make me sad to watch if I ended up in a spirit form somewhere.

[OlderAndWiser]

This is one of THOSE issues! It's an issue where the answer is based entirely on emotion, not logic. And you won't really know how you feel in that situation until you're actually in that situation.

I am 9 years old than my SO so I am likely to face this scenario in the next 30-40 years. I would hope that I would not be selfish but I really don't know how I would feel.

[Asker]

Great answer, I feel the same way.

You don’t want them to be alone and depressed after you’re gone, depending on both your ages.

But at the same time, you loved that person and that bond is special and unique or at least it should be in my opinion.

It just feels weird for them to be with another person after you’re gone. It’s like the bond you had with them wasn’t unique, special, etc.

This gets even more complicated with children involved, older couples, religion, etc.

I wager, those who are more of a promiscuous type, young, and don’t have or want children would probably be more okay with their partner being another person more so than someone of a more traditional upbringing.

For me, my parents have only been with each other, had three children, and have raised my brothers and I to adulthood. They have home and will live together until the end of their days.

Imagine having a love like that, with multiple or many people throughout your life. At that point, the feeling of love/emotion would be less and less potent as each subsequent person you’ve been with. Making it less unique, less impactful, less special, etc.

It’s just an inescapable reality with having relationships with many people.

Hopefully all of that made some sense.

[OlderAndWiser]

Makes perfect sense. And the same reasoning explains why guys don't want to settle down with girls who have been wildly promiscuous; they what to feel that they are special to her and not just #147 on her list.

[Apple1996]

Me and my husband have discussed this and its definitely a no since we both believe that we are spiritually connected even in the afterlife and wouldn't want anyone else after each other's deaths anyways.

[Ellie-V]

Well the solution is to kill them first before you die

[serenaluna666]

😂😂😂

[malwins]

This

[VanillaSalt]

This got MHO?

[Jaumet]

@VanillaSalt Seriously? And how did the name of the asker not give you a clue and a half of where this dudes mind is at? Or at least the nature of the question asked! Look, most normal people would like... I am dead, I can no longer interact with my spouse and honestly I am no longer around to even be able to care about what is now going on without me. All I have is the love for my spouse, right now and how much I love and want her to be happy... and even though I know she would never hurt me as long I live. Whatever makes her happy after I'm gone.. is better than having her live in sorrow. Yet, there are people who even after they are no longer here... still can't figure that out and will remain jealous and even spiteful while still alive at the prospect of their spouse being with someone after they die. I know, go figure... but then all you have to do is read the comments on here to see just how true that is.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

As a person that has lost her spouse and know the pain, the loss, the suffering, the loneliness ave sadness... Had I gone before him, I'd rather he wouldn't of gone through all that if he found someone that could make him happy avid take care of him the way he would of deserved... Loving another wouldn't lesson what we had...

[Alexalex92]

I'm very sorry you had to pass all through these... 🙏

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Alexalex92 thank you💛

[Alexalex92]

Hugs

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Alexalex92 hugs

[Alexalex92]

☺️☺️☺️☺️

[sensible27]

"loving another wouldn't lesson what we had.."

Was it hard to move on *hugs*

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@sensible27 I really haven't been in a relationship since he passed

[jennifer_bloom]

If I had a partner I would want them to remarry so they can be happy and respected and loved but I plan on being extremely kind and sweet to my future husband one day so I’m not sure a guy can ever replace me if I die before he does, people who are nice like me are hard to come by.

[Jamie05rhs]

Awwwww. ❤️❤️😭

[MzAsh]

I would want him to move on. When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. If you’re dead, why would you deny them happiness with another person? You’re dead so it’s not about you anymore. It’s about them. That’s love.

[Sonorous]

https://voca.ro/168B6pflecaY

[Puppystarfish23]

Me and my boyfriend had a discussion about this and I told him if I died I'd want him to find happiness again just as long as he promised me he'd make sure she was a really good, kind, loving woman and didn't forget me. He told me he wouldn't want me to find love again as he'd be really jealous. I love him but he's very possessive at times he wants me all to himself and he knows this seems bad and he trys to not be but he likes to have all my attention on him and I find it kinda cute when he just wants to lock me up in a room alone with him and snuggle for hours. I honestly don't think I could move on from him anyway. He's the love of my life

[TruthBringer]

It is just like you said, I don't believe anyone truly wants their significant other to move on to another someone else. The most important thing is simply accepting it will happen. This is at least much more prone to be the case if they were still young. If I die today, I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to remain single after my death. And neither would I remain single just to remain loyal to a dead person when I have my whole life infront of me. So yeah, I already accepted this very basic fact before even having the relationship.

The only group I've so far seen remain loyal after one's death are older couples (above the age of 60). In the end, you're dead. So it's none of your concern what they do after then. Whether they want to remain single or not is their choice and our choice if the roles were reversed.

[tiff_the_tranny]

My beliefs regarding death have been shaped by Christian theology. A question was posed to Jesus. If a widow remarries then when she dies whose husband will she be? The answer given is that in the afterlife we are neither given nor taken in marriage.

That's a pretty clear cut case of "til death do us part." Once I'm gone I will no longer be his/her wife. If I manage to get into Heaven I'll be too busy learning the secrets of the universe to even care. If my transgenderism and bisexuality land me in Hell I'll have bigger problems than what or who my widow/widower is doing. If the atheists are right and all that waits is non-existence then what do I care? Consummate the relationship on my casket before they lower me into the ground for all I care.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Sounds to me like you already have bigger problems than the answer to that question. Hell would only be an unending add-on to this preexisting dilemma.

[normalice]

I would be dead. Whatever fears or anxieties I have about death I will no longer be capable of having after death, because that's what dead means. It will be as though I never existed in the first place, as far as I'm concerned - because i would no longer possess the capacity to be concerned. I would be compost in the shape of a person. And that wouldn't even really be me - just some compost - because I wouldn't exist.

But to answer your question, I wouldn't be able to "want" either way, because I would be a figment of other people's imagination, until I'm not that either.

[Sarahr123]

No. I have discussed it with my boyfriend and both of us said that we wouldn’t find anyone else. Death is the shedding of the physical body but love doesn’t die with it. Love, and especially first love - which is the only true love, will follow you to your grave. It doesn’t die with the lover, it transcends your own death. If I were to die my boyfriend wouldn’t remarry and I am pretty sure of that. If he died I certainly would never look towards anyone else again. I believe love and marriage happens once.

[Giselleselfish]

“Love and marriage happens once”. Oh boy. Wait a few more years.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

I like to think I would want my partner to find someone else they could be happy with, even if it's not me, but it's impossible to say for sure without currently being in a relationship.

I think age has to do with it too. Like at my current age I would absolutely want my partner to move on. They still have so much life to live, if they want to do that with someone then they should go find someone. But then I think about my great grandmother who is in her late 90s and was married for over 60 years. Her husband died a few years back and I know she still wears her wedding ring and probably will until she dies. After being together that long, I can't imagine moving on to someone else

[Ninjazzed]

I don’t believe too much in the afterlife or the concept of heaven. I mean I do somewhat slightly, but I don’t believe it’s what it’s been cracked up to be.

We are energy, as everything around us is composed of energy. We will just be bundles of energy lingering up in hyperspace.

I don’t think it will really matter once I’m dead and gone. We’re all transient beings in this world and we’ll eventually end up getting replaced by our offspring.

They can choose to preserve and honor my memory, but I wouldn’t want them to be unhappy and alone, dwelling on a previous point in time.

That won’t bring anyone happiness. Nostalgia isn’t an entirely bad thing but sometimes it can silently rob you of joy.

[TKasap]

I'd want them to be happy and if that means finding another partner then yes I'm fine with it. I've heard these situations and stories many many times and often the widow/widower learns that loving anther man/woman doesn't mean they loved their deceased partner any less, only their capacity to love grew. I'm sure the deceased partner will always have their place in the widow/widower's heart and no one can ever replace them, but they can still have a happy meaningful life with a new partner. If I die I'd want the love of my life to still be happy and if finding someone else makes them happy then they should go for it!

[ariadneR]

Honestly no. I know it sounds selfish, but he's all mine. I don't want to share him with anybody. I waited long enough to find him and have him so let me enjoy my time.
Besides I'll be haunting his ass 😅🤣
But... a part of me wants him to be happy. I dont want him to be alone and sad missing me. If he's OK with his loneliness then it's ok

[KrakenAttackin]

@ariadneR. But you would find a new guy on about 2 hours.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Noice 😄😄😄😄✌️

[ariadneR]

@KrakenAttackin no I wouldn't. He's it for me.

[KrakenAttackin]

@ariadneR. Heard that before.

[ariadneR]

@KrakenAttackin hasn't everyone lol

[Mellifluous_]

I'd want them to do whatever would help them cope and benifit them. If being with someone else would make them happy, then so be it. I would just want them to be happy. I wouldn't be alive to feel hurt or jealous over how they choose to cope with their pain.

[Sonorous]

wise doggo

[Mellifluous_]

I do be learning from the best 💅

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Yes I would.. I won't be around to help him through life. Id want him to know each time he smiled id be smiling. Just cause my life would be over I wouldn't want his to be.. it would just be the beginning of a new chapter! He has amazing love to give it would be a shame if it went to waste! Id just absolutely hate it if he ended up getting taken advantage of or mistreated in any capacity!! Id want nothing but love, joy, peace and wealth for him! He truly deserves it!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Ohh forgot to answer your question about afterlife.. if he had another wife that treated him like he should be treated basically did what I did plus what I hoped to do with him grow old id give her a hug and a huge thankyou in knowing he didn't suffer alone!

[KrakenAttackin]

@PeacefulRainDrop. Wow, you are 1 in a 100,000,000.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Im not sure about that.. im nothing special.. maybe having health issues already changes my outlook... I have already discussed this with him within four months that we started dating now weve been dating for a year and a half... we have ups abd downs and companionship is sooo important!

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well yeah, if I exist after death and I see her with some one else its going to feel like a betrayel, but realistically what are they suppose to do, just stop living? So the answer is both. Intellectually and pragmatically yes I want them to keep living their life, emotionally I want them to stay loyal to me to the end. Sadly you can't really have it both ways.

[MrOracle]

Yes.

Obviously, I'd have had all the time with her that I could have, and now I'm dead, so there's nothing more to be gained by keeping her alone and lonely. If she can find love again, then I would certainly hope she does.

in my opinion, to do otherwise would be incredibly selfish and for no good reason.

[Account]

I am torn. I would want them to live a happy life, however I am incredibly selfish and that is a huge flaw of mine. Deep inside, I wouldn't like the idea of them being with another person, but I wouldn't admit it to them. I would be understanding if they chose to do that.

[have_a_good_day]

Or... OR... Just haunt the crap outta him 😃

[Alyssa11]

I haven’t been in that kind of commitment yet but I will probably want them to find somebody else. If I love someone I’m gonna to truly love them, and I’d want them to be happy. It’s not fair and it won’t make me feel any better to know they’d live a lonely life without me.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

One day I know I’m going to kick the bucket & if I’m married or with someone at the time I really hope she flocking moves on. On the other hand if she happens to kick the bucket first like the contract says To Death Do Us Part & with that said I’ll move on.

[FakeNiceGuy]

Yeah probably.. Most days.. Lol.. Except maybe not when in a bad mood which is not uncommon nowadays.. Its like.. I eanted a good one.. I prayed.. And also prayed for good looks and job.. Instead its more like.. I'm ugly.. Broke.. And frequently in a bad mood. Its like I vet the exact oppisite. Loll oh well. I've excepted it. Doesn't really botger me much anymore.

[Poppymarie]

Yeah I would. If we were married then they would have promised to love me until death do us part, and in that case they would have fulfilled their obligation. If they were ready to meet someone new after I was gone of course it would be what I wanted for them. I don’t think I could claim to love that person if I didn’t.

[HawkPerception]

My ex and I both agreed that we'd honestly not want each other to move on if one of us died. But we agreed that we'd only not date after each other if we got past a certain age together. I think the idea that you share your life with someone is ruined if they die in someone else's arms. You may not be there to witness it, but just the thought can be hurtful. I'd rather die knowing that my partner hasn't done anything with anyone after me. It may be selfish, but it's the truth.

[JDavid25]

While I'm alive and thinking about of course not.. But realistically I would at least hoped they loved me enough to mourn me for a while and not be with anybody, then once they had some time to get over my death, maybe find somebody or at least do something that brings them content and joy.

[madgoat]

Through loving them in its purest form, you would want the best for them and to see them at their best.
That potentially may mean in life or in death, they should not be with you and should be with someone else.
In reality, in life at least, love is generally more selfish than that and you'd want them to yourself.
But in death? Perhaps many would accept that they deserved happiness wherever they can find it.

[exitseven]

I used to joke about how I would like everyone to be sittomg around saying "wasn't it nice when Pop was around." Now tha tI am older and realize my mortality I would like everyone to move on and enjoy the rest of their lives. Try to sell my organs on e-bay if you can make some money on them.

[Not_Average]

I actually had this discussion last night. I’d want her to find a good man. I wouldn’t want her to sleep around but I’d want her to find a good man who can help her with the kids and appreciate her and the life that I gave her. I’d want him to sympathize and help her through the rest of her life. But if we make it to 60+, then she can stay single lol.

[Kabluie]

Yeah, it's fine. My dad evantually remarried after my mom passed away. You don't have to look far, our US President Joe Biden remarried as well since he lost his first wife and daughter in the car crash, but his boys lived.

I saw how lonely my dad was for a few years. He actually asked me if it was okay, I told him he had my support, and I seen how much happier they were.

[andreasderjuengere]

No problems. My girl's dead Ex had left us a couple of very useful household items.
Once I'm gone, I can return the favour to someone else :)
I think that relationship ''claims'' end with the ( natural :D ) death of one of us - no hard or bad feelings about it.

[SaoirseS]

Yes I would. But I’d want him to at least wait until after the funeral.

[andreasderjuengere]

That's a reasonable request :)

[SupremeWarlord]

Hell no, I want my spouse to be happy, there's no such a thing as "present erasing the past", I already was part of her life, I already made her happy, I fulfilled my duty, when I pass away she will grieve, but her desire for another romantic relationship should not be affected by this. She has the right to pursue happiness.

I would not even care so who cares? Dead people don't feel anything.

[DizzyDesii]

I used to say i’d haunt him like the girl in that movie Over Her Dead Body… but ig i’d be nice and let him move on. Cause once i pass on, i’m moving on to Paul Walker

[pink_and_inlove]

Lmao

[DizzyDesii]

@pink_and_inlove lmao and thats real 👌

[CentralPerk77]

Yes definitely - doesn’t matter how you leave someone, living or dead, they deserve to be happy and find love... feeling that way also tells you that you really love them, with, or without you their happiness is your priority.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

If they will be happyvwithba new partner ofcourse, they can have one. Afterall his happiness will make me happy even when iam in heaven. It's difficult to be alone forva long time and i don't want that for my husband

[ObscuredBeyond]

If I can't get back with her, I'd like her to find a suitable replacement now, even while I am still alive! I may love that gal greatly, but I'm not so selfish as to deny her a God-blessed union, solely on account of my own unfulfilled wishes.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I would say yes. But that's because we can't take care of, do things that are needed or wanted, etc. for our partner if we're passed away. It's better for them to love someone else than be heartbroken and unhappy for the rest of their life.

[EaterPeter]

Depends on their age and their obligations. If I leave kids under 25 behind. Guess what my answer is going to be. Emotional response may vary from logical response. I would probably have not before 1 whole clause. And they must heal during that time period how ever best they can.

[Barry88]

Yes, why not? If I would pass away now, I would hope my girlfriend would find someone else to share her life with. Why would I care if I'm dead? I honestly hope she will find someone that can bring some happiness in her life. Alone is just alone.

[just_a_potato]

I wouldn't want them going on the market right away of course... But I would want them to be happy even when I'm not there, and if that means finding someone that makes them feel the way they used to, I want that for them.

[DarkCarousel]

The thought of them being painfully alone hurts more than the idea of them with someone else.
I'd want them to be happy. Whatever that means to them after I am gone.

[sensible27]

Yesh

[NathanDavis]

Yes, I would like that she, eventually... could connect with someone in a way that would make her that happy again, whatever it takes and in any way that be.

[virtue2332]

Absolutely. I dont know how anyone could love someone and not want to see them happy. If anyone thinks differently they need to evaluate what love actually is. It's should never be selfish.

[Lyndsielee666]

He’s got my kids to keep him happy tf he needs another girl for 🧐

No but in all seriousness I hope if I die he finds someone that’ll love my daughters.

[amadimal]

I don't think there's anything to consider; for me, the solution is extremely clear - I'd want him to move on, find someone else and be happy. I don't think this would diminish his love for me.

[Julie_TS]

Unequivocally, without a doubt, yes... absolutely.
The main reason being is because we aren't meant to be alone. It's in our nature to seek out companionship.
#survingspousesneedlovetoo

[tuvwxyz]

At that point I wouldn't care, my hormones would not be craving one way or the other, I imagine like being asleep, I would just be indifferent (neutral)

[FocusOfSuspicion]

I would absolutely. I want someone to take care of them when I can’t and be there for them when I can’t. And I would love her for doing it.

[BakedBeanieBabie]

Absolutely, don't lose your life just because I'm gone. Find someone new and just remember me fondly.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I would. I wouldn’t want him or her to be alone and depressed with nothing to do but miss me. I would trust that we’d be reunited in the Summer Country.

[Prettysammie]

I’d just like someone to remember me fondly at all. If they can, I hope they find every happiness and find someone better than me who could give them everything I never could.

[FatherJack]

Don't have , & don't really want a partner...& couldn't have one even if I wanted to as I'm a single dad , so this will never happen in reality. Hypothetically , I would want any partner to be happy after I have crossed the bridge.

[Comesaveme]

I mean why not? I am alive and my “till death do us part” partner left me for someone else anyway. Ultimately it’ll be their choice lol.

[NorthAfrican]

If I died young then yeah I'd like him to get remarried and be happy. I don't like the thought lf him being alone and dying alone.

[cth96190]

Of course I would want her to move on.
I would not want her to follow the example of my mother, who mourned the death of my father, alone, for 29 years.

[kkirk4442]

If I died, I definitely would want her to be with another man who loves and cares for her, as long as that is what she wanted.

[zoe2187]

I would want him to find someone else. I think it’s selfish to expect him to be alone for the rest of his life. I don’t believe in afterlife, it’s too far fetched. All we have is now.

[brezzybaby]

I guess so cause I can't expect them to be alone for the next 50 years and I mean I wouldn't want them to not want me to move on if possible but I hope I don't leave my spouse for a long time cause I really am in love and want it to work

[libsaretards]

I would absolutely want her to find someone else if I passed away before she did. I would be dead so what would I care?

[KrakenAttackin]

I have known several men who died from a variety of causes ranging from cancer, accidents, to suicide. The wives all moved on to other men in less than a year bar none. Two married another guy within a year.

[Yanagi_Kaze]

If I passed away I'm not in a situation to question others life (since I'd be dead).

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I really like your approach in answering this question