Why do some men try to ruin the self esteem of their partners? What is the reason?

[jennifer_bloom]

[slackbabbath]

They’re envious of their partner. They’re highly insecure. I’ve had this happen with some men I’ve been with. 100% of the time these men were very insecure and thought they weren’t enough for me. I have a high paying career and if a man doesn’t feel established with himself and his career this will totally take a toll on the relationship because men do think their value is dependent on their ability to provide financially. For this reason I now only date men who make similar to me or more because each time I have dated a man with a lower paying job it always builds resentment no matter how much reassurance I provide. It sucks but it is what it is. I’ve had a guy tell me he’s scared of me because he had never dated a woman who didn’t need him and could find better than him. This ate away at him to the point he got abusive. It ended and I never looked back.

[candacerain]

Narcissism pure and simple. They only want that person to focus on him and only him. He is insecure, so he has to make his partner insecure as well.

[In_Trance]

I don't think some men do. I think people in general, follow the examples they were given and they also treat people the way people teach them to treat them. Example; If a woman won't say "stop" and create a barrier when a guy is destroying her self esteem, she is accepting it. If she won't create boundaries, this is on her too. Some women put up with more than others. Some guys dish it out more than others; because they follow the examples they were given throughout their lives. And both are ok with it. So who draws the line? who says what's acceptable and not? Everyone does what they believe they can do and will be accepted. Morals don't exist

[NightHawk99]

A lot of them are insecure... VERY insecure. The rest of em do it as retaliation, let's say... She humiliates him after he simply reveals he has feelings for her. Especially if the two have been friends for a long time.

[OlderAndWiser]

Same reason some women try to do that to their partners.

[haooy]

When I read this question I thought I know the answer but jow I think I I don't. I was with such person for 2 years least, she used tell me that I couldn't do anything when she was not feeling right, calling me names and telling me I don't have any friends and that my dog is ugly. Boy I feel great now.
I still don't think people consciously, they like that only. My theory is somewhat people like to dominate other people and if you are too nice to be bullied in an intimate relationship then it is even more convenient for the other person.

[Dchrls78104]

The question reminds me of King Saul in the Bible. God's holy spirit had left him (meaning that God had abandoned the king to himself and was no longer with him) so he was an unhappy man, subject to extremely dark moods and fits of rage; he was also jealous of young David and in his troubled mind David was a threat to his throne. This led to his chasing David throughout the country to try to kill him. Misery loves company.

[Coulis]

Oh ho ho ho. Because they don't have any self-esteem so they project that on to you because they don't want to deal with their own self esteem issues so they might as well destroy yours so you guys can both swallow together because misery loves company.

[Leavesbound]

I don't understand that kind of behavior at all. My agenda is simple. Make her continue to want to be with me because being with me makes her feel so good about herself so much that she can't stand being away from me.

[anylolone]

Same reason as chicks do the same.
Though technically I could lay out the most probable reasons here.
One reason is that it's a form of dropping the value of something or someone wanted.
Another is because the person is a miserable cunt that drags everyone down for the sake of it.

[WhiteWolf69]

They want their partners to feel worse about themselves then the guy does about himself to make himself feel better about himself. I dont do that. I think its discpicable and wrong to do that to anyone.

[jennifer_bloom]

Is that your dog? It’s so cute.

[WhiteWolf69]

Yes that's my dog. He's cute and he knows it and using his cuteness to try to get what he wants

[jennifer_bloom]

It loos like my old Maltese.

[WhiteWolf69]

He is a Jack Russell Terrier Dotson mix

[Citizenkirk]

It could be because they are stupid, slothful, vindictive, insecure, evil, weak, pathetic little pansy ass bitches.
Or it might be that they have real issues to work out.
Iether way, a little one on one therapy session with the loading end of a running wood chipper, might do them, or more likely the people around them, a world of good.

[slatyb]

They have poor self-esteem and they only way they can feel better is by making someone else feel worse. If you meet someone like this, run.

[Anonymous]

If we are talking about verbal abuse, to control them. And it may not be a conscious thing they are doing, but that's what it is. Get the self esteem low so they won't leave them (ie, they think they "can't" and won't do any better).

[Lynx122]

It's their own insecurity. They're afraid to be with someone who is super onfident because they feel like they will have nothing to offer that person.

[Pasiton5]

Control, jealousy, dependency, ego, must be in v control always, stupid, don't know better, ignorance any of the above will be right in line of why

[Interstate]

To control them. He wants superior to her, so he does what he can and what it takes so they have no equality in the relationship.

[Nazgol]

Because they also have low self esteem and by doing that it will raise his and not make him feel so insecure & bad about himself

[Nazgol]

Most important takeaway: a gentleman with self respect & confidence will never feel the need to put down a woman, but lift her up instead

[Nazgol]

& also it's because he sees her as the closest outlet & a punching bag. If he was to vent on anyone else like family or friends, he would be afraid to look embarrassed in front of them

[Crazybeeguy]

Exactly, I had female friends that thought it was weird I wasn't like that, almost as they were looking for it and was attracted by it, comforted by the normalcy. Then when they had a boyfriend that acted like a douche bag, they stayed and even went back to them.

[Wise4myage]

I could see this tact being used if a girl was trying to leave her boyfriend or husband. Destroying her self esteem might could out doubts in her mind about leaving.

[Wise4myage]

* might cause doubts.

[Agape93]

It’s how narcs manipulate you into staying with them despite the abuse. It can seem absurd but it works and it’s truly devastating to have done to you.

[Still-alive]

yes its a type of gaslighting. wouldn't you say?

[Agape93]

Yeap

[Still-alive]

make them feel better about themselves... some even get a sexual release from it.

and yes as others have said women do do this too.

[ChrisMaster69]

Both can be guilty of this.

sometimes it’s deliberate.

other times it by accident and they don’t realise.

[AnthonyJ01]

My ex tried that with me. Her and her mother lied in court, she lied through the whole divorce and her, her kids and her mother stole things. After the duvorce she divorce she admitted everything in a phone call. She had to be in control of everything and everything had to be done her way or it was wrong.

[fallen_wings]

Because they're narcissists. That's what they usually do.

If you're in that type of relationship, get out of that right now.