Boyfriend called me manipulative, am i?

[Anonymous]

I’ve kinda learnt a lot about myself today and i feel manipulative.

Today the guy i’m with said he wanted time to himself. I didn’t know this we have been dating for 2 months he always told me he liked talking about his problems, i confronted him about it and he said that he feels so bad and that i guilt tripped him. I said to him ‘I’m sorry the reason i’m like this is because of how my dad left me’ ITS TRUE i’m not lying i told him how my dad said he needed space and never came back.
• When we argued once i started crying saying how he’s hurt me bad and he called me manipulative for this since he said crying is how i make him feel bad
• If i don’t wanna do something i will say ‘No i’ve done this already and didn’t like it’ I haven’t done it but i just say that so we don’t go do it and he said he’s locked up on it.
•he once threatened to kick me out the car for no reason? I said kick me out again and i won’t ever speak to you? he called me manipulative for that?
•i cried after the first time we had sex and said ‘you’re gonna leave me now like everyone else’

I mean am i the bad person here? I don’t mean to guilt trip i’m just emotional i’m genuinely just emotional.

[Farah_luna]

From my perspective, I feel like you are both toxic on levels. You can’t let anyone blame you for your feelings and emotions, that is never a good sign it’s very toxic as this is the way you feel if you cry you cry. You might be very sensitive like I am which is perfectly fine! If he is kicking you out of the car for no reason that is definitely very weird because why on earth would you do that that’s not normal. What you did wasn’t exactly right in the sense you got upset that he needed space however this isn’t your fault as your relationship with your father and him leaving caused you to have abandonment issues. The relationship you see from your parents growing up is the imprint for your future relationships so you tend to go for relationships that fit the criteria you witnessed growing up and this can even give you the most comfort even if it’s toxic. The good thing is you can unlearn this and heal. Furthermore, ‘i cried after the first time we had sex and said ‘you’re gonna leave me now like everyone else’ ‘ this isn’t exactly manipulative it’s more insecurity but like I said before it’s because of your past.

[Asker]

Yeah i’ve explained to him yesterday that it was because of my dad. I didn’t explain the whole situation to him about my dad but i did explain some. He knows i’ve went to therapy for my dad so hopefully he understands, yeahh i think we are both toxic and maybe it’s not even worth it because it’s just turned so toxic now i’m just gonna not speak to him and see how he feels

[Farah_luna]

I think you should work on yourself and heal yourself before you get into any relationships as you don’t want to keep making the same mistake with the same guy just in different bodies. Tony gaskins is a very good life coach and relationship adviser on YouTube. My friend recommended me to him he’s amazing honestly

[Anonymous]

I've always known that about us girls. We are manipulative. Yes, we are. And the fact that did you mention the bad experience of your father abandoning you to make him stay by your side is manipulation. If he wants space, give it to him. But mostly of times when they ask for space it is because they want to break up with you and they do not have the courage to say it or they do not want to hurt anyone. Or maybe he fears you will manipulate him by crying if he breaks up with you.

[Asker]

Yes exactly that’s how i feel!! I feel like he is just saying he needs space but dosent because he can’t be in that bad of a mood if he’s speaking to his friends

[Interstate]

You have only been dating for two months, and you are already official? YOU ARE MOVING WAY TOO FAST!! The two of you obviously don't know each other completely, and you need to take a step back and work on "getting-to-know-you" before you talk about moving into the land of officialality (I like to make up words).

He obviously has trust issues and needs to work on them before he even considers entering a relationship. And the fact that he says you make him feel badly for crying, says he doesn't care about your feelings, and your feelings aren't important. And the fact that he threatened to kick you out of the car... this relationship is RIGHT ON THE BORDER of controlling/abusive. He is destroying your self-esteem and he obviously doesn't care about you. It is time to GET OUT!!! I wouldn't even tell him you are leaving him. Block his number and keep permanent distance.

[Anonymous]

You both have a lot of problems.

Stop trying to put blame on others and take responsibility for yourselves.

What you said about your Dad needing space and never coming back, thats heart breaking and I can totally see how that would mess you up, but you are responsible for everything that you do.

Things like that are an explanation for your behaviour, not an excuse for it.

Its not easy, its takes time and it requires you to be open and honest and aware of yourself and what is actually happening for you, what you are getting triggered by and what that makes you think or do etc.

[oldasIfeel22]

The difference is are doing things that is always for your own end or do you put a genuine effort to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

The best example would be how you treat other guys you are NOT interested in (but you know they like you). Do you give them fake smiles or throw them bones so they will keep giving you attention (and your ulterior agenda is to use that against someone else)?

[CallmeTheKnight]

Either you're manipulative or you're a b****. Your father leaving has nothing to do with how you interact with other men that come in your life. You choose to say the things that you say to him. Not as far as him one space, I agree with him on that. Because of both of you have only been dating for 2 months and you're starting to give him problems. Then again he could be a confused moron.

[spartan55]

You know exactly what you are doing, and you are definitely manipulative.

[Asker]

I’m not doing it to be manipulative like i’m just trying to explain WHY i am the way i am if that makes sense. I’m just explaining why i have issues a bit and that is the reason why? i’m not trying to manipulate him into staying he can leave it’s draining my energy. But he has threatened to throw me out his car for not knowing the satnav he’s yelled at me for not booking a meal for him, he’s said he likes arguing with me it makes him entertained and not bored i just don’t know

[spartan55]

Why would you want to be with a guy like that? Seriously?
And sorry, I don't buy what you are saying.
You think crying during sex isn't manipulative? Ya, ookay

[Asker]

Not during!!! I was drunk and 1 hour later i cried but i honestly swear i’m just misunderstood i get so emotional when drunk and my
last person left me after sex and dropped me i just have bad situations that have happened which i need to work on

[spartan55]

You really shouldn't be in a relationship until you resolve these issues.

[RHK36]

You both sound toxic towards each other. You have trust issues that you should probably sort out before attempting a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

Females are fundamentally manipulative, it's how women get what they want. This is nothing new.

[Farah_luna]

Could say the same thing about men. Why do you think the majority of human traffickers are men? Because the know how to spot vulnerability. You may think aggression is the most popular choice yet that can warrant unwanted attention. Coercion, manipulation and psychological abuse are often more powerful weapons than physical violence.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Farah_luna @Farah_luna. I agree about traffickers. Overall I say men want to make women happy which is why men as a whole are easily manipulated by women. Look at Only Fans, strip clubs, etc. These whole multi-billion dollar industries are based on women using sex to manipulate Simps.