What are some of the compromises you and your SO are making in your current relationship?

[Dude_777]

Are those compromises worth it?

[AmandaYVR]

I don't understand the people who have commented that they don't compromise, neither does/did their partner. That makes no sense to me. How can any two people commingle their lives and not have to adapt to one another? Being in a relationship is an almost constant adaptation, or letting go, of sometimes your own preferences to instead allow them to have theirs. It's not always one-sided, and it's not always a negotiation, but people do all sorts of minor and sometimes major things for their partner.

That being said, nothing in particular is coming to mind here. I'd say overall we're fortunately very compatible as far as living together and lifestyle. I also try not to fixate on winning any 'battles' and trying to get him to change. Although he does many things to lessen friction, and I appreciate that.
There were massive compromises we had to make to be together. Big risks. And sometimes life kicked us in the ass and it was extremely difficult to deal with.
Most things I have long accepted as they are what they are, he is who he is. He's also changed, as have I, over our 21 years together. People do change. And not always for the better. But we spent our most vivacious, energetic, optimistic, years together in our late twenties, and we're both glad we had that. It feels like a bit of a waste of those years being lonely. I think a lot of people don't compromise enough. There is no Mr. or Mrs. Perfect out there. I have never believed in 'the one.' And the more experiences you have in life (travel, intellectual curiosity, meeting, dating, conversing deeply with others, the easier, or less uncertain, it becomes to judge a situation, and people, and know a little more who really is a good fit.
We both compromised a lot in what we wanted in another person, but I don't want to write or think about that. There's no benefit in doing that.

[crazyish]

No relationship. I mostly sacrificed for my past relationships because they wouldn't compromise. I don't think I even consciously realized that I was even doing it all so I might be a bit bitter saying that no it's not worth compromising yourself for anyone..

[Lliam]

One of our biggest conflicts from the beginning was that she tends to put things down right where she is when she's done with them instead of putting them back where they belong. I'm talking tools, gardening equipment, paperwork, dishes, laundry. She can make a mess. If I lay one pair of pants over the back of a bedroom chair temporarily, she'll take that as a place for her to pile stuff.

Don't get me wrong. She's a hard worker. She's good at cleaning up later, but it's much more work than simply cleaning up immediately. She sometimes even complains when I don't help clean up the messes as a way of getting back at me for pointing out he messes. .

When I complain, she says "I was busy." But in many cases, it takes no additional time or effort just to put something back where it belongs. Take kitchen knives, for example. They are so easy to wipe off under the faucet (before food dries on them), wipe with a towl, and put in the knife block. Everything is right there next to each other. Once I convinced her that it was hard work to scrub off dry food, and that it was bad for the knives to l leave them wet in the sink, she started wiping them off but would often set them on the counter right in front of the knife block. It wasn't that she was too busy. Her mind was simply busy thinking about the next thing she wanted to do. She wasn't in the moment.

As a bachelor, I learned that it made my life so much easier to keep things neat, tidy and organized rather than having to clean up big messes later.
So her habits drive me kind of nuts.

Over the years, I've learned that it's just the way she is. I've compromised in that respect. And she has gotten much better at putting things away. It's a matter of accepting each other and working together.

[AmandaYVR]

Wow that would be tough. I'm not sure I would ever be able to get over that one.
I'm tidy too. Much less of an organized stickler than I used to be, but in general I've never liked clutter. I like a very cozy, carefully appointed home but I'm not a minimalist. Beautiful things make me happy and more content. Tools and daily use stuff, I always try to put away, or it distracts from the beauty and serenity.
These two viewpoints/natures are quite incompatible and I could see would cause constant low grade friction.

[Lliam]

@AmandaYVR. Here's another example. There's a goblet sitting on the kitchen counter right next to the sink. I keep my coffee spoon in it. The spoon we dish up cat food with is also kept there. You rinse if off and - plop - stick it in the goblet. More often than not, my wife just puts the spoon in the sink after she dishes up cat food. It would take zero extra effort to put it where it belongs. But she acts like I'm insane when I say anything about what she considers to be a trivial matter. You would think she would put the damn spoon where it belong just to keep from making me crazy. The problem is, she is literally incapable of thinking ahead or even being in the moment. It's actually crazy making.

[AmandaYVR]

Yupppp. Sometimes I feel like the world is divided into those who are present in their surroundings, and those who aren't. Are people both? It takes a lot for me to 'not think' while I'm doing something. The task or experience has to be a lot to fully engage my mind. But I don't bump into things, forget where stuff is, or lose track of what someone is saying. This would be a stupid reason to break up with someone, of course, but it really would drive me nuts. There's someone in my family like this and it has caused massive friction between us, because although I adapt to his/their house when visiting, he does little to make me comfortable. Instead, he criticizes the shit out of me for being "too fussy" and dismisses everything I care about. Guess what, I finally decided I'm not going there anymore.

[AmandaYVR]

Oh and P. S. I would put that cat food spoon in the dishwasher. That's 'contaminated', lol. I'd want high heat on that sucker, rinsing would disturb me. Even though that's not exactly logical.
Yes, and speaking of goblets. I tried, at this place mentioned above, to have a mug or chunky flower vase by the kitchen sink, to put the scrub brush in. And I put the dish detergent soap decanted into a nice bumblebee pump dispenser that I brought as a gift for them (her), but could he handle it being there? Hell no. He instantly removed both. So the nasty ass rag, and scrub brush, and ugly plastic bottle, sits there all the fucking time, being wet and disgusting and unattractive. Yeah, it's their place, but excuse me for trying to add better functionality and class up the ugly joint a bit. God I hate him.

[Lliam]

@AmandaYVR. LOL. What you said about trying to add better functionality and class up the ugly joint a bit was funny.
You know what else is funny? It was my wife's idea to put the goblet thing on the sink. It was originally for the dish scrubber thing with the soap-filled handle. But it's handy for my coffee spoon. I use that spoon to sir up the coffee grounds in my French press and also to stir in a touch of hot coco mix into my cup. I just rinse it immediately and set in the goblet where it dries almost immediately. I never wash the spoon because it doesn't have an germs on it. It's the same with the cat food spoon. Rinse off any residue and put in the goblet to dry. I'm not worried about using it to dish up food for cats day after day.
Since my wife comes up with ideas for neatening things up, it's bizarre that she doesn't put them to best use. LOL.
I wouldn't care about the cat food spoon if it wasn't my job to feed them evening dinner. If not for that, my wife could keep the spoon in her ass for all I care. But when I go to look for it in the evening and it's not were it's supposed to be, I get annoyed. Maybe that's because I can't find ANYTHING unless it's right where it should be. You know how guys are, they are terrible at finding stuff. "Honey. Do you know where the ketchup is?" Her: "It's in the frig." Him: "I can't find it." She gets up and easily finds it sitting right there, thrusts it into his hand and rolls her eyes in exasperation. It's practically a cliche'.
I need routine and systems. I keep MY stuff where I can reach out and find it without even looking up.

As far as being in the moment. Something I am ALWAYS conscious of is how to do something the easiest way. That includes thinking ahead to avoid having to do more work later. Like dishes. It's hard to scrub dried on food off of them. But if the food isn't dried on, wiping them off with the scrubby sponge thing and putting them in the dish washer is easy.

[Andres77]

We've been married for 18 years... I think at this point she has me so well trained that I don't even realized if I've been compromising or not.
I do beg her not to shower so much because the way she smells at the end of the day, to me, Nectar of the gods, pure delight!
I make it worth her while.
That's all I can figure.
We're happy.
I had a long good career and I survived it where a lot of my friends didn't. My kids are happy and healthy.
My marriage is solid and we have a wonderful sex life.
We have debt but we're both working and generally pretty healthy.
We discuss all the new stuff and figure out ways to deal with it and move ahead.
It's not a competition, it's a cooperative effort and we're doing well.

You didn't suggest that it was a competition but many people do have that mindset. I just wanted to clarify my piece.

[jennifer_bloom]

I’m single but I hate travelling to peoples homes for parties or meet ups but I know I can’t expect a guy to do all the travelling if we date.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm currently not in a relationship

[pjf1958]

Every relationship is unique. Mine is no different. My S/O and I are currently not living together. That's why were still a couple, ironically enough. We still have to weave together some problematic issues that have caused some tension in the past. Mainly she needs to not be obscessed with some of my non perfect idyosyncracies. I need to become more oblivious when her frustration becomes apparent. I'm convinced that my ability to ignore any disappointments that I may cause her is the easiest solution.

[Anonymous]

She travels to see me alternating weekends, and I travel to see her. She puts seaweed in my scrambled eggs and I feed her hot dogs for lunch. She is perpetually horny and I compromise and have sex with her twice a day every day. ( :) :) :) ) She is planning to sell her house and move to my hometown, and I am planning the rest of my life with her.

[pjf1958]

Seaweed in your eggs? Really?

[Opinion Owner]

@pjf1958 Apparently, that is quite common in China.

[pjf1958]

That makes sense

[Opinion Owner]

@pjf1958 Chinese who grew up during the cultural revolution dealt with scarcities of meats and other proteins and they learned to grow their own vegetables and incorporate them into every meal, according to She Who Knows All. Seaweed is commonly used in China because it can be dried and stored or long time periods.

[pjf1958]

Now I remember where I heard that before. When the members of the Doolittle raid made it to China, a few of the airmen commented on how the locals incorporated seaweed into their diet. Interesting

[exitseven]

I don't think we are making any compromises. We are both working towards the same goals and supporting each other.

[Anonymous]

He is working 10 hours everyday so that we can get married later
that means I don't get to see him during this time and we barely talk anymore, but it will be worth it.

I'm being patient waiting for him, shopping less and planning to surprise him soon

[Anon621]

Right now me and my new partner are sacrificing time to message each other since it is a long distance relationship but we are both trying to learn about ourselves romantically so we have also sacrificed sex to focus on finding romantic orientations.

[humanearth]

I really dont compromies and neither does she. Almost 30 years together we just work like a machine together

[Jazquee]

We don't make compromises we both work towards eacothers wants and needs so one doesn't have to compromise

[serious]

Never been in a relationship. I have always been single and wish to remain single for life.

[menina]

I'm single until at least 2025, so I'm not making any compromises.

[najekim]

I can't even remember what compromises were made since it was so long ago and we've been the way we are for the last 26 years.

[Massageman]

Over 40 years o f them - chores, when to have a family, what to spend on this or that, how many items to save or to toss/sell/donate, etc.

[elizamichale1]

That we can't be open with everyone about our relationship n yes it is worth it though

[Browneye57]

No compromises. Well, other than I can't schtup the girl in the next office. Yeah, no biggie. LOL

[clampfan101]

Not in a relationship yet, but I know it can be more than worth it.

[Iron_Man]

There's not really a compromise everything ran smoothly when I had my long-term relationship

[Savage_Wisdom]

Not currently in a relationship

[WowwGirl]

Less shopping