How long does it take a man to improve on himself? How much time and space is needed for how long?

[Anonymous]

I talked to my boyfriend asking about his feelings since he was being distant. He told me he needs space and time to do self improvements and he feels our relationship went to fast and he said he has been feeling like this before he met me but he's been more overwhelmed recently. He said he will come back to me but wants to be a better boyfriend for me and he said im a great girlfriend and person that its not my fault its just him personally/mentally. I told him I will give space and wait when he is ready. I told him I think he is putting too much pressure on himself by putting high expectations on himself. But he insisted he knows he can be a better man. He also said that I should just take this time and focus on myself and to not feel sad and to take care of myself.
I'm afraid he will change his mind and tell me to not wait for him anymore.

[blank_expression]

I am still working on it and I live way out in the sticks alone where there is nearly infinite space. Obviously, I don’t know enough about you to suggest what is up here with any certainty. I will only relate personally. I have been through many “girlfriends” some that were ideal physical specimens to me and the one thing it always came down to is/was control, and furthermore, in my case, they were always f-ed in the head to boot. I am a female whacko magnet or possibly, they are all that way.

I often wonder why some couples teamed up (beauty-beast, dumb-smart) and after knowing them a while it became clear; the woman chooses a man mostly based on ease of manipulation, which is a natural comfort zone for them. Some guys are fine with this and some like myself become smothered and seek oxygen—especially when they try to get pregnant, extreme case. If you aren’t matched on “who is in charge” it probably isn’t going to go far. All of his “it’s me excuses” is his just seeking oxygen.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

His gonna break up with you there are 60% of chance of it.

I would say ask him directly that if he wants to break up like no strings attached then you can judge on that basis whether his just tryinv to escape or truly wants to comeback.

Be clear with him why to put your life on hold

[Asker]

He did break up with me that day he said he wants to improve himself and come back to me. The reason is because he would make me cry sometimes if he came late for a date, but at that time I didn't know he had to take his dad to work. I feel like it's also my fault for not being patient and reasonable and now he's trying to see how to be better. I asked him that day if he can promise me he will come back when he is ready and he said "yes! I will". Also we met a month and a half ago and two weeks after we met we became boyfriend/girlfriend so it was going too fast

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Have you seen with your own eyes he was taking his dad to work?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Forgive me for being skeptical but I feel that it's excuse to escape he doesn't want to deal with you this is my analysis and could not be fact or there might be some truth

[Aakash_Hangargi]

To see things from your view I would need more info , but if you ask me I think you and him are done best to leave it

[Asker]

Yes he does take his dad to work i know because my friend is married to his brother and she had told me about it

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Ok , but still it doesn't make sense though like what is his dad story I mean how many days does he takes his dad to work , and if he does jis a good son what is that he wants to improve?

[Asker]

His dad doesn't know how to drive and he said he wants to improve by making me happy in the relationship. He also starts work at 4am and its about 10 hours plus his mom is sick so I feel its too much for him right now

[Asker]

Thats where I feel I messed up for not being understanding like im upset with myself that I would get upset him coming little late at least he would never flake and show up :(

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Hmm so how kinda upset and thinks you won't understand him and his responsibilities and it's tough to manage you and might feel that you may not adjust with his family responsibilities.

It's a real issue , as from what you say he seems to be a family oriented guy and that really good.

So you have two choices in my opinion either to move on or you have to make adjustments to your life and that's not easy.

If you want to pursue him , you have to do it as friend.

You have to make him trust you with his family and find ways with how you can help him.

Only then he will really make an effort to be with you and this feels like serious commitment

I think you have to call him up and ask to be friends and just casual chat and phone calls and meet his family casually.

And do it slowly and this is only if you seriously like /love him and want him to be in your life

[Asker]

Yes! He is really family oriented. I really want to be a part of his life I know he's a good guy. Yeah I agree with you I feel like he got overwhelmed trying to make everyone happy

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Where is he from?

[Asker]

He was born in mexico but he came to the u. s when he was small

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yup, they are also mostly family oriented raised with sense of United family.

Call him donot hesitate things will workout all the best

[Asker]

Thanks! :)

[MzAsh]

It depends on where he’s at. It can take months but it can take years. Don’t wait around for him. Live your life. If another guy comes along, explore it. He was right to tell you to focus on yourself. Don’t give up your life waiting around on him to get his shit together. I’ve had guys tell me this shit too and I’d still be waiting because 15 years later, they still aren’t “ready.” Live your life.

[Starwitch23]

Guys are very simple and honest most of the time. He is saying he doesn't want to be with you. Don't wait for someone else. Live your life.

[OlderAndWiser]

"I need space" = I want to break up but I don't want to deal with all the guilt that comes from a break up talk and all that mess, so I'm gonna pretend that I just need some time for myself, and you will go along with that story because you don't want to accept that we are breaking up, and they we'll just drift apart and you won't see me anymore.

[MTC29]

If he's asking for space, what he really wants is you not being around. Honestly, in a situation like that the support from a concerned girlfriend like yourself would be invaluable. Not only does he not seek it, he doesn't want it: "Focus on yourself."

I'm going to mirror what @MzAsh already said, Don't wait around for him."

You seem like a very nice young woman. There are plenty of guys out there who would be overwhelmed by your willingness to offer them your support. Find one of those guys.

[ArztSchlachthof]

You can improve over a night, in a week, in a month, in a year. There isn't a table for that, so it depends.

Generally, when a guy tells you he needs space, he means he is not ready or don't want to have a relationship or he doesn't love you. In most cases, they don't want you to wait at all, even if they say so.

[Дерйа]

Do you speak German? Cause I do

[ArztSchlachthof]

@Дерйа Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch :D Warum?

[Дерйа]

Aufgrund deines Users xd Ach verstehe, bist du Amerikaner?

[ArztSchlachthof]

@Дерйа Nein, ich komme aus Slowakei. Habe diesen Nick zufällig ausgewählt :D Un du? Bist du Russe?

[Дерйа]

Ahoj! Nein, ich bin Türkin :)

[ohshee]

This is one of the hardest questions ever really want to answer this when you're talking to him just pay attention to everything that you say and he says. He's telling you one of three things right now so I really pay attention what are you asking and how are you answers like I said I don't even want to answer this

[xxxdirtyfrankxxx]

Honestly thats a really weird one... I wish I had more insight to give you. A man to emotionally improve on himself is a very random and subjective answer.

[StunningANDbrave]

When people have genuine desire for you they will not say bullshit like this, think about it, you love someone so much that you can't stand to be around them, or need to "find yourself" which is in essence what this dude is saying, makes no sense and you wouldn't do it. Understand the sub-communication here for what it actually is, he doesn't want to be with you but wants to keep you around as an easy option. Do what you will with this.

[exitseven]

Not knowing what he intends on improving it's hard to say how long it will take. Maybe give him space but tell him not to be a stranger.

[scooogy]

30 sqft for 72 hours in case he's a machine of the model series 3. A19b invented by Woman-is-Queen Inc.

In case he's a damn human being, just leave him alone.

[Tommy7778355]

If you think he is the man he is trying to say he isn’t and if he really wants to be with you (in my opinion) he’s to much of a coward to tell you straight up. Which would calculate to him
Being right about himself and not being a real
Man.

[ToastyOats]

Some people get better and are motivated by a romance, others not so much. People do change but it won't be ON/OFF. Lots of grey inbetween.

[In_Trance]

Smh... This is a red flag. Go your separate ways now.

[bamesjond0069]

I think its just an excuse to dump you. Makes no sense to me.

[Pterodon]

You’re an idiot being strung along. LEOPARDS DON’T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS AND PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE EITHER

[Belgie]

It will take as long as he wants.

[dumazzs]

It's up to the person

[Дерйа]

Depends on the person

[thotmas97]

Depends on the person tbh

[spartan55]

He is totally bullshitting you.. wise up.

[DangpMango]

Depends only on the size of his dick