Ryan and I have had a back and forth relationship on and off for four years. His emotional unavailability made things hard, so I moved on a couple of times, to which he always wanted me back. I was in a couple relationships during our separations, but he always waited on the sidelines, it seemed.
His feelings were always intense for me, I could tell, but it was those same feelings he would run from when we would finally get somewhere. When I realized how in love with him I was as well, he broke my heart and got “scared” as he would later put it.
I was crushed. Devastated, really. While drunk at a party during yet another separation period (I went a little wild after that one), I did something that haunts me to this day — I hooked up with Ryan’s younger brother.
Don’t ask me why I did it. I swear last summer I was on a reckless path of boozing and casual sex, but I’ve accepted it and moved on after a year of torturing myself.
During one of our arguments while still separated, I told him what happened. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. It worked. After that he cried, got angry, rebounded with an older lady for a while, and then didn’t talk to me for 6 whole months. Anytime we would communicate he was cold and mean. He told me I destroyed him.
It’s been over a year since it happened and he found out. We got back together, briefly, but he couldn’t get over it. He could go from loving me to hating me at the drop of a dime.
Two months ago, we started hooking up passionately, just casual. During sex he told me he loved me, it was more like making love. I could see it in his eyes.
A month later, he confessed he was still head over heels in love with me. He wanted us to get married and start our life together, finally.
A couple days later he tells me he can’t do it. He says he loves me but absolutely hates me for what I did, and he’s scared. Heartbroken, I blocked and deleted him off everything. We haven’t talked in a month.
Thoughts?
His feelings were always intense for me, I could tell, but it was those same feelings he would run from when we would finally get somewhere. When I realized how in love with him I was as well, he broke my heart and got “scared” as he would later put it.
I was crushed. Devastated, really. While drunk at a party during yet another separation period (I went a little wild after that one), I did something that haunts me to this day — I hooked up with Ryan’s younger brother.
Don’t ask me why I did it. I swear last summer I was on a reckless path of boozing and casual sex, but I’ve accepted it and moved on after a year of torturing myself.
During one of our arguments while still separated, I told him what happened. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. It worked. After that he cried, got angry, rebounded with an older lady for a while, and then didn’t talk to me for 6 whole months. Anytime we would communicate he was cold and mean. He told me I destroyed him.
It’s been over a year since it happened and he found out. We got back together, briefly, but he couldn’t get over it. He could go from loving me to hating me at the drop of a dime.
Two months ago, we started hooking up passionately, just casual. During sex he told me he loved me, it was more like making love. I could see it in his eyes.
A month later, he confessed he was still head over heels in love with me. He wanted us to get married and start our life together, finally.
A couple days later he tells me he can’t do it. He says he loves me but absolutely hates me for what I did, and he’s scared. Heartbroken, I blocked and deleted him off everything. We haven’t talked in a month.
Thoughts?
