Your spouse has refused sex for 2 months, what is your response?

Question

My response is marriage counseling, unless there is a physical condition.

I'm in a weird spot with this. My usual response would be the above, but I'm questioning why I would have such standards, when I can be stable and self-sufficient on my own, without sex.

I don't want it to be like some weird contract where I think being married entitles me to regular sex. On the other hand, I think sexless marriage is a sign that there is another underlying issue, or maybe several that need to be addressed.

Mia-Wallace · Accepted Answer

Yeah. Marriage counesling would be necessary. If two married adults cannot communicate effectively and solve their own problems they are most probably in need of a more intelligent third party to enlighten and guide them.

"when I can be stable and self-sufficient on my own, without sex"

That is a fair point. Though I would ask, for how many years could and would that continue?

If you truly think you got what it takes to stay single even in your 30s and 40s and can replace family and possibly children with other things in life, then why not?

But there are not that many people who can maintain that lifestyle and stay happy and fulfiled all their lives.

"I don't want it to be like some weird contract where I think being married entitles me to regular sex"

I am married. It does.

Yes, when you are physically ill or somehow suffering, for example from depression, at some stage in your married life, it is required that partners support each other and have patience. There can also be life and job circumstances that would make both of you miss one month worth of sex (happens to me). You should be patient for that too because you are basically sacrificing X for Y. A month of sexy time for more money for example. That must be okay in a marriage and treated as if it is inevitable sometimes.

But, when you have no problem whatsoever and nothing is taking away your time and energy, then there is no reason not to make love. You are both entitled to sex and love from this one partner you chose.

Otherwise why are you together? Love, sex, children, and family are the main reasons for marriage. You could live without marriage if you think marriage does not entitle you to any of those.

45Fstraight · Accepted Answer

Is she exhausted by the end of the day? If that's the case, try helping out by lightening her work load for a few days or just take initiative and do the floors. She'll be so impressed she'll want to fulfill your needs.

Are you certain she is satisfied when you have sex? If she's not, she won't want to invest her 2 minutes for your pleasure. Are you satisfied? If not, she won't want to chance disappointing you.

Is she embarrassed about her body? Did she put on a few "covid" pounds? Is there any other reason she might not be feeling adequate enough?

Have you tried anything out of the norm in bed? Did you do something you never did before and you don't normally change things up? She might be wondering where that came from.

Do you watch porn?

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

Well I wouldn't have let it get that far to begin with. second I would have a talk and explain things in no uncertain terms, just as I have my responsibilities and must go out of my way for her, she has responsibilities to me. If she is not having sex with me then that is her telling me she doesn't love me she doesn't respect me and she thinks that I'm so pathetic that I will continue to provide her all the things I'm socially required to provide her and that I will just tolerate her not providing anything in return. Their must be a fair exchange or the relationship will fall apart.

IF that does not rectify the problem, and i mean long term, the next time she refuses I will refuse to provide her with ANY of what I would normally provide her i. e. we go out to dinner I will not pay for her, I will not provide her with a home etc. I do not tolerate parasites. If this does not make her decide she needs to be proactive in our relationship, then the relationship is off (though to be fair, it would probably be off before it got to that point because I don't like the idea of having to explain to some one that they need to not take everything and give nothing nor do I like the idea of having to try and bribe her to love me, either she does or doesn't and if she doesn't she is gone.).

Any man who tolerates this is being exploited, any woman who defends women like this are themselves parasitic, their is no excuse for this behavior. We don't tolerate it in men and I sure as hell am not going to tolerate it in women.

Qdbrown · Accepted Answer

I have to break the news to you, but this is called marriage. Sex goes away at some point. Especially if you become a nice guy or turn into a fat fuggily girl. That's just the reality of it.

Marriage Counseling is only as effective as both parties want it to be. If one parties doesn't see or realize the problem, it's going to be a waste of time.

If you're a guy, considering getting a Wifu. They are getting amazing. A life-like sex doll that is going to stay a 10 for the rest of her life, and you can get get spinning vaginas for it. No woman can compete with that on the sexual front.

Finchie40 · Answer

Sexless marriages are not good , usually means something is wrong in the relationship for your partner not wanting sex with you , when a partner withholds sex in a marriage best thing to do is communicate with them and get to the bottom of why the sex has faded , if they can’t give you a straight answer then you have every right to leave that marriage and find someone that doesn’t want to withhold sex from you , Unless it’s a health or medical reason there is no other excuse for not having sex, Most the time it means they are screwing someone else or they are planning on screwing someone else , 2 months without sex is a long time , life is too short to settle with someone that doesn’t value you like you value them

designer1 · Answer

I think you have the right idea already. Marriage counseling would be the best option. What is her explanation for not wanting sex? That is important. If it sounds like excuses than there probably is an underlying issue. If she’s out a lot at night, that’s not a good sign. If she’s hiding her phone messages from you and messaging often to god knows who, not a good sign either. It really depends but I would stick with the couple counselor if she is willing. Something could just be going on in her life that she’s sad about.

anniisa97 · Answer

Yeah I pretty much agree. Marriage counselling unless there is a physical condition or any other explainable things like loss of a family member. Which is completely understandable.

I think anyone can go without it, but its not really natural to go so long without sex in a loving relationship. It can lead to a lot of doubts and insecurities over your relationship, it definitely would for me. I dont think you're entitled to sex from anyone, but its not wrong to expect it in a marriage/relationship. There is a very thin line between being entitled to it and expecting it. But there is a slight difference in my opinion.

somesoul · Answer

I won't let that happen, if he is very busy, I'll sleep naked besides him but he can't sleep without touching me. I'd be depressed as hell. If he is depressed or something and the day we skip sex, I give him extra love, do all the work and talk to him and just love him a lot. Give him a lot of oral sex.

Mangospacho · Answer

You gotta try talking with your wife first. It can’t be just in passing, it has to be a serious sit-down talk where there are no distractions. If she refuses, keep pressuring her for this talk. If she still refuses, offer to go with her to marriage counseling. If she refuses to go, go without her. If she still won’t go with you to counseling after this and still won’t sit down to talk about the state of your marriage then it may be over. I don’t think at this point that it’s over but no sex in two months is not normal - especially if there are no medical issues and you’re both in your 20s. Sexless marriages are doomed. Don’t listen to the people who just accept that their marriage is a sexless one. Marriage without sex is a dying one and is headed for divorce.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Has she been acting strange? Is she focused suddenly on 'self improvement'? Does she hold her phone really close? If so, she's cheating on you. If she's not cheating on you, she's using sex as a weapon. So use it back:

If she goes low, go lower, refuse her for 3 months. Say no to her. It really messes with women when you turn down sex. So refuse her.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Talk with them about it. What can the reason be?

If they're stressed or in a depressive period, sex could be the farthest from the mind.
Is the sex not good enough? This can be worked on, listen, maybe try a few things.
Do they need something more? Cuddles? Massages? What?

Anonymous · Answer

My ex complained that it would be months sometimes with out sex. Yes when I stopped and thought about it. She was right it had been months. She should have just flat out asked for it or just maybe initiated it. Insted she just hinted and i missed the hints. I take medications for some health issues. I now realize these medications pretty much take way my sex drive. It goes even farther then that I don't even think about sex. So the thought that its been months doesn't even occur to me. So maybe if she had seid something before she used lack of sex as an excuse to end the relationship. Had she seid it was an issue I could have talked to the doctor and maybe found a diffrent combination of medications. So maybe there is nothing going on he is just obliviose. Have you talked to him about the lack of sex?

Anonymous · Answer

If she has said nothing and refused to discuss the issue, just withheld sex for 2 months... then the marriage is over, as far as I'm concerned. She's not interested in fixing things. She may already be cheating. Either way, it's over. That's my honest response. Call a lawyer, treat her like an annoying tenant, and start getting your ducks in a row for when you throw her ass out on the street.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

there's definitely an underlying problem if she is not sexually attracted to her spouse. I would look through her phone and if everything checks out we can gry counseling but i would only give it two weeks.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

"I don't want it to be like some weird contract where I think being married entitles me to regular sex."

This is your first problem. What do you even think marriage is?

And fyi im single and that entitles me to regular sex ie i can go bang any girls i want. So if marriage doesn't entitle me to similar level of satisfaction why would i willingly shoot myself in the foot and sign away sex? Logically that is moronic.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Dude, when my wife and I got married, we had sex three times a day. Eight years and two kids later its now about us falling asleep on the couch at 8:30. Sex? Whats that? If we are lucky its once a week. there's a lot more to a relationship than sex.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn’t let it go that long. It’s a sign of an underlying problem like you said. I’d find out what’s happening and do whatever it took to fix it. It’s not healthy in a relationship to withhold intimacy. I’d probably be beside myself with worry if my husband wouldn’t touch me for two months. I’d be suspicious if he didn’t touch me for 3 or 4 days.

Anonymous · Answer

Get rid of them!! Life is too short to beg someone for sex and also there’s like billions of people out there who are of age

Bilal_Zahir · Answer

I'll wait more until when she will get interested in sex and try to find the reason of denial.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I'd probably just start calling her roomie. Lol Don't take advice from me. I'll just get you in more trouble. Lol

Dchrls78104 · Answer

It is wrong to marry just for sex, and it is wrong also to condemn someone to a sexless marriage. You could start by thinking about those two points.

karaspara · Answer

Tough one marriage counselling may help worth a shot

Haru_chan · Answer

I won’t judge or take an action before I see what’s the real reason or problem for it then I can decide.

Justneedtokno · Answer

Are they ok? Is there something mentally, physically, and emotionally going on?

Anonymous · Answer

Sexless marriages are about 10% of all marriages, last I heard. Doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong, sometimes does of course.

Supernormal · Answer

Start a new habit, get a playstation 5. She will soon come begging for attention

Prideful · Answer

I'd masturbate a lot. But come on if I get a girlfriend it's also to have sex.

OddBeMe · Answer

Sex for chicks is emotional. So there’s something wrong there.

legalboxers · Answer

counseling would be your best bet. Something is wrong somewhere. Usually its something.

Salvo_9 · Answer

Man up. Break up with her before she does with you. This way you'll at least go out with some respect

Anonymous · Answer

She's is saving me a job so I'll let it continue for as long as possible

IronLady6354 · Answer

Get naked and do things that make him horny

Agape93 · Answer

Depends on their reasoning.

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

2 months is a long time.. I will not be able to wait for 2 hours when it's an emergency

The-Wise-Phoenix · Answer

I wouldn't even last one month

Xavi349 · Answer

I would start with having a conversation with her.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Does she suffer from depression, stress, bipolar?

TheFlak38 · Answer

That's not a spouse that's a roommate

kevyhanma · Answer

Don’t blame me for cheating

Slartybartfast · Answer

Only two months?

Anonymous · Answer

probably would cheat on her, I have my needs

jadson69 · Answer

Jerk of a lot

CantGetItUp · Answer

Leave

JesseJayNeak · Answer

Beat the meat

Anonymous · Answer

Hello hand.

AK478 · Answer

Wait for two months

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Nothing.

Your spouse has refused sex for 2 months, what is your response?

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