Men, how do you answer if a woman you've approached tells you she doesn't need a man?

Question

i consider a man more of a luxury item. that is, a relationship can help me grown in more than one ways but it's not absolute necessity for me.  I respect people who want to get a relationship but my default reaction to advertising yourself as a feminist and telling people you're independent just cuz you don't need a man, is a negative one. Like, a world without the opposite gender would be an empty one, rationally speaking. You don't need to abstain from love and sex cuz you're feminist.

AllThatSweetJazz · Accepted Answer

I see her as flawed.

It’s not just a personal level offense I walk away from. It strikes me as a deep and serious flaw in their perception of reality. On the one hand the urge for corrective admonishment is appealing, but likely the roots run deep and you don’t just fix that. So better to just distance oneself and leave that person to their fate to be an example to others. Hopefully the person corrects their view at some point.

EssenceOfLight · Accepted Answer

and you doesn't want one? Describing a person as "luxury item" isn't epitome of decency and social competency.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I would treat that statement as a warning to stay clear of that female. I would probably not engage in any banter with her on the topic because it is already clear that she is not the kind of woman for whom I am searching.

Pinay_ako · Answer

If I was a man, I’d be relieved that she’s blunt af to let me know not to waste any of my time on her. If she doesn’t need a man, no man needs her either. Bye

PinkMichae · Answer

First off I think it's not nice to devalue men by calling them a luxury.

Second you may not need a man for love but no matter how independent you are you certainly need them throughout life to be happy whether it was a man that built your home, because we are happier not being homeless. And it would be quite difficult to find an only woman construction company to build it. Or how about when your plumbing needs repaired. I'm sure there are some women plumbers but it would be difficult to find one. How about your car? Can you fix that yourself? In some places you can't get to your job without a car. It's going to be much easier to find a male mechanic and it's likely it was men and women maybe who built your car.

Lastly you needed a man to exist.
If a man thinks all women are just a luxury I would steer clear of him because I'd feel like he devalues the importance of women. So I understand most of these guys responses.

I think healthy relationships has a balance of want and need because shit happens in life when you need to turn to each other to get by and help. And whether those people are your love, your friends, your family, man, or women. Sometimes needing people or them needing you doesn't make us weak. It makes us imperfect in this imperfect life.

Person234 · Answer

I don’t know why guys are getting offended by this. There is a difference between “wanting” a man and “needing” a man. I don’t think it’s ever healthy to “need” someone in the first part of relationship.

I relate to this attitude a lot Bc before my first girlfriend I had a very strong independent attitude. I wanted to do whatever I want in life without anyone holding me down. I would flirt with women and go on dates but I never ever felt like I truly “needed” someone. I told women this on dates too. Most didn’t have a problem with it and probably found it attractive. It was just my personality. I was fiercely independent and had a strong desire to do what I want in life. I wanted to travel and live my life without settling down because I wasn’t ready yet.

Eventually my current girlfriend and I hit it off a lot. Now, I admit I do feel like I need her but only because we have so much in common and have the same goals. Plus we have been dating for 3 years. It comes with time but it’s not an issue on the first date. Fierce independent types tend to be like that at first. I have no problem with a woman who knows what she wants in life.

NalleBabyBoysss · Answer

I wish I wish my girlfriend would die
So I don't have to tell her goodbye
Cause breaking up's so hard to do
And if she were dead, well I wouldn't have to
So I wish I wish my girlfriend would die

After much consideration
I've decided to move on
We've been together now for 6 long years
When I lost that bet and took her to the prom
But I can't bring myself to tell her
And that got me to start to think
That I could save her lots of agony
If somehow she were made to be extinct

I wish I wish my girlfriend would die
So I don't have to tell her goodbye
I don't have the heart to tell her
We just don't belong together
So I wish I wish my girlfriend would die

Well it's so hard to say it's over
She seems to care for me so much
She's trying to tell me that we're meant to be
And I'm trying to tell her that this sucks
But I said I'd never leave her
And so it seems I'm kind of stuck
I guess I'm gonna have to wait things out
And hope she gets run over by a truck

I wish I wish my girlfriend would die
So I don't have to tell her goodbye
You said you'd die if?
So I'm just speeding up the inevitable
I wish I wish my girlfriend would die

People say I have a problem
And my way of thinking is obscene
They say I'm anti-confrontational
But I don't even know what the hell that means
But I do know this ain't working
And if her death did come about
She'd die happy and then I'd be free
To finally get to ask her sister out

I wish I wish my girlfriend would die
So I don't have to tell her goodbye
Cause breaking up's so hard to do
And if she were dead, well I wouldn't have to
So I wish I wish my girlfriend would die

Not_Average · Answer

Another human being shouldn’t be considered a luxury item lol. You act like men responding to that in a negative way is their fault. What I’ve found is that women who say this are overcompensating and most likely have some underlying emotional issues. Human beings, especially women long to be appreciated and loved in an intimate way. This stems from our biology and relates to our innate desire to procreate. There are phases of life in which you don’t feel as obliged, but most do feel this urge.

My first thoughts if a woman told me this is to avoid them. They lack the emotional maturity to make a relationship work. They’re most likely driven by selfish desires. They also lack a rational understanding about life in general. Men and women need each other. We’re not meant to be alone for life. We’re meant to coincide and complement you each other’s differences. There’s plenty of data that correlates depression, and suicide to being alone. Married people on average tend to be happier.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

This totally depends on context.

If a guy approaches you politely, maybe giving you a compliment and asks if you're single, it's a bit rude to abruptly respond "I don't need a man." Most people would probably say, "thanks, but I'm not looking."

If a dude follows up with a dumb question/comment like "but sugar have you met me, you're too beautiful to be alone, why aren't you looking?" Then I think it's totally fair game to squash an unsolicited pick up with something equally rude like "I don't need a man, they're too much work."

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Look this forum is an outlier for incels and trump supporters. You can't judge men by all the headcases in this group.

Personally, I haven't really run into this conversation very often because I don't approach women who aren't interested. Most of my history was dating African-American women and women overseas.

Screenwriter · Answer

Lets flip the scenario: If a man said he doesn't need a woman in the course of a conversation, I would take him at his statement and finish whatever talk I was having with him, think nothing of it and call it a night. There are likely other people to talk to at the event/bar/party I was at and I'd simply be enjoying whatever company he supplied at the moment, or move on if he wasn't that interesting.

I would expect a man would feel the same way. If she says she doesn't want a man, she doesn't want a man. Doesn't matter what her reasons are. Steer around her!

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

I don't approach random women, but even if I did and that'd be the answer I'd get, I'd be fine with it. I mean, it's better if someone doesn't need me, that means two things - a) they are independent and their own person ; b) they won't be calling me for help with every little thing.
It's a win-win situation.

BlackCatBone · Answer

It's common knowledge most men can't tell rejection well. That's why they praise data showing how the percentage of women being single get higher as a woman ages. This is their "little'revenge" lol. They aren't aware many women actually want to be single.

VanillaSalt · Answer

The same as my response to all women… a few months ago I saw several women changing a tire and they looked lost… I left and continued my day.

by the way you don’t need me. Who do you think made the block the school you got your liberal education from? Me. Who pays taxes so you can have flat roads? That’s right this guy… and every other guy in America… If you have ever recieved food stamps in your life who do you think paid into that? Who maintains your day to day life with electricity, gas, water, plumbing, etc?

Real facts for a minute. If all women disappeared today the world wouldn’t notice all that much. If all men disappeared the literal world would end. It would mean within a few weeks if that all of the services you use today gone. Tell me you don’t need men when your off the grid honey.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Not everyone who admits to “not needing a man” is feminist. I want a man but dont need a man. Would i say that to a guy who just approached me? No. But if he was a cocky bastard who was naming all the things he can do for me that he felt i couldnt do for myself, then i would shut his ass up and be like “Dude i may want you, but i surely dont need you.”

Rachelspiks · Answer

If a woman tells a man who has "approached" her (i. e. intends to harass) that she "doesn't need a man", then it's rather clear what she means - she's telling that man to go away and get lost. She's telling him that she's not interested, that he shouldn't talk to her. It's that simple really.

Mayajenks9 · Answer

I think it comes down to the difference between “want” and “need”. When I’m a relationship you should WANT to be with the other person, not NEED to be with the other person. That “need” can cause dependency and an unhealthy relationship for both involved.

CuriousKit22 · Answer

I mean she shouldn't be rude that for sure but I know I don't want a guy and relationship so if any man approaches me I'd say: thanks for the compliment but I'm not looking for that right now.
if he keeps insisting then of course it would hit my nerves. Guys seem to hate rejection so much they blame women in that. rejection doesn't mean I'm an asshole or I think I'm more then you - it simply means I'm not interested - which you have to be ok with! because I'm me and I have my decisions. nobody should be forced into relationships.

MAAJD · Answer

LOL her life her decisions, but I always see them so angry and stuck up. Sometimes I feel if she gets a good 'dicking' she will loosen up a little.

One time when I was a kid there was this teacher that was the most fking angry and stuckup teacher i ever seen. like HOLY FUCK. even her default face was an angry frowny face. She taught my classes for several years (2-3 years). In the last year I had her, a while before classes started I heard she had met someone and gotten married. I shit you not when she walked in to class hooooooooolllllly moly she was a completely different PERSON!! even the DEFAULT frown in her face was gonnnnnne, she was so niice and kind. I was like god daaam I never knew someone could change so much from one good dicking! Who could've ever guessed that all this time all she needed was just a one good dick to change her entire attitude and outlook on life xD !

So yea that's what i think.

Coulis · Answer

A woman who says this is speaking from a place of pain and abandonment. In short, she has issues whether she wishes to acknowledge that or not.

If I were a man, I wouldn't want to try to get this person because I would want a relationship and not have to be someone's psychotherapist and emotions processor.

rjroy3 · Answer

I can't think of a context where anything I'd say to a girl would make that comment make sense. Unless she simply said it upon me saying hello, such as a "I have a boyfriend" comment.

But outside that it really just wouldn't be said lol and if for some reason she did she would be weird for saying it.

lucas262 · Answer

I'd think ok grea, t good to know uo front, move to the next woman.

These days I see women, and I won't help, won't pay, won't protect, won't help them fix etc. Women don't need men. Ok that's good I can focus on me instead if carrying someone else.

I think women shouldn't be dependent on a man for anything but not independent of men. It kind of removes our purpose.

Now that the state provides a means for so many women snd they can make their own way with out men which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Men are more or less here for dick and not many of them.

What I'm saying is if a woman ever put on that equality energy with me she'd beat be ready to be treated like an equal.

Because you see traditional women get chivalry and modern women get equality.

Men, how do you answer if a woman you've approached tells you she doesn't need a man?

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