He lied about having children and was unfaithful, should I walk away or rebuild?

[AmberAmberAmber]

We've been together for a little over a year. He lied to me about having children. In the beginning he told me he didn't have any children. Then, I found out he had a son that died (through his moms facebook). I confronted him and he told me he didn't lie because he doesn't have any children and he can't say he has something that doesn't exist anymore.

Then I caught him having multiple online sexual relationships and conversations with 10-12 different women. When I confronted him he said he doesn't consider it cheating because he never met them. I explained to him how this hurt me. So, he said he wouldn't do it anymore.

I have his social media passwords and I check and so far he has kept his word. But, it doesn't change the fact that he was unfaithful in the beginning of our relationship. Although, I feel like he isn't doing anything NOW and is being honest NOW, the fact that our foundation, the beginning was based on a lie and unfaithfulness makes me not trust him. I have been honest our entire relationship. It seems like he didn't take me seriously until recently and didn't trust me in the beginning.

He is really sweet and treats me good. He makes me feel like a priority in his life. He is always available to me and attentive and affectionate. And when we argue he never yells, or curses at me. So, he has positives. But i dont think it outweighs the dishonesty from the beginning.

[kc_4308]

Wrong - wrong if you knew your worth and value you wouldn’t a) Took him back after he lied about his son ( sorry he loss his son , but that a child he had and that child died which if he were any kind of dad he wooing acknowledge that and honor his sons passing ) it seems he doesn’t care about his son or has blocked out that part ( probably traumatic for him. The fact he lied speaks volume Idc how small it is. That’s like him lying about his age or status for you only to find out that he’s married and much older than what he told you. Secondly , him talking to other women is a big problem and a red flag 🚩 for you to have access to his social media accounts speaks volume. Cheating on my definition is doing something without the other person knowing about it. The fact he lied about his sons existence / death only results in the fact he could be meeting , talking, and having sex with these other women. A woman’s intuition never lies and I think you know deep inside he’s cheating. I don’t care how much he supposedly loves you snd does for you if he loved and cared for you he wouldn’t be talking to other women. Granted, he could be telling you the truth , but it’s the principal he’s talking to other women and you have to spot check what he’s doing. There is no trust and without trust you have no foundation and without that he can you have a stable relationship?




First mistake , second mistake you see the signs , and 3rd mistake “ I won’t do it again “ yes he will because you gave him too many chances and now that he knows he can lie and get away with it because he knows you won’t say anything or kick him to the curve which you should’ve done the first time he’s a loose cannon on a mission.


Drop him because not only is he a cheater , but a liar too




Women’s biggest mistake being too forgiving when these men f up..

[kc_4308]

I wrote a book for you

[Shortman70]

And this is why women can't ever find a man good enough. You're expecting perfection from a man and women are not perfect either. You have to have some forgiveness in your heart. You don't know someone's thinking til you communicate bout it. There could be thousands of reasons why he didn't talk bout his son's death, I've experienced several children die, none of my own but still very traumatic when I was a medic. Lots of therapy after I broke down. Now I don't know the context of his talking to other women but he didn't think it was cheating, they talked bout it and he said he wouldn't do it anymore and stopped. Could've been he just didn't understand how it would affect her and now that he knows her thoughts bout it, it won't be an issue. We're are learning creatures, some of us need a boot in the butt and some just need to talk bout it. Only through communication can we figure it out. If you throw us to the curb at our first mistake, you'll go through all the men and never find one good enough. Good luck to you it sounds like you're going to be looking for awhile.

[kc_4308]

Who wants to deal with a liar and a cheater? A woman whose desperate and or lonely. Once a cheater always one. Hey I rather be single than put up with a man who talks to other women behind my back

[kc_4308]

I’ve been single since the mid 2000s and I’m not looking

[kc_4308]

Not expecting shyt men who talk to other women while involved are grounds for CHEATING if he loved her - he wouldn’t be talking to other women! It’s ok for men to do this , but women can’t ! GTFO LOL! I don’t deal with men of today ! Societal standards and rules don’t work with me

[Shortman70]

So in your opinion I'm cheating on my bride right now talking to you? You have to know the context of their Convo before you judge. We're they making plans to hook-up or was it a lively convo like you and I are having? This is how you learn, I'll take the things you said and hopefully change for the better as I hope you can find something in what I've said to make you a better person. (Sorry I'm not implying that you are). I'm far from perfect and my bride knows that, sometimes a flick on the ear works and sometimes I need a kick in the ass but everyday my goal is to be a better person than I was yesterday.

[kc_4308]

You know damn well that’s considered cheating - this isn’t the a dating app. What her boyfriend is going is considering cheating by talking to other women behind her back and you’re getting married? God bless your marriage and your new fond wife. Like I said any man taking to that many women at one time is grounds for cheating or temptation for something. You sound like the type of man whose ok with this. I believe the context was very clear her boyfriend was talking to over 12 women behind her back. What do you think it is? There’s nothing to forgive him of. If he did it once he’ll do whatever next time. First red flag 🚩 - lying second red flag 🚩- cheating

[kc_4308]

Hey if women want to put up with it fine not me. There is no perfect man , but some shyt is a no no -

[kc_4308]

Let me re edit : You talking to me isn’t cheating this isn’t a dating app. She made it clear about him on social media apps ( which are most likely dating apps )

[kc_4308]

You go right ahead with your bride lol

[Shortman70]

You are correct, I went back and reread the OP. I missed some key words the first time. I should've went back right away. If it is dating apps and those type sites, I would consider that cheating. As for the lying, I still think that is forgivable.

[kc_4308]

Nope 👎

[Anonymous]

Tough one. What he did wasn’t wrong in his eyes, he admitted that and changed. It seems like you are happy with him otherwise. Is it worth cutting him out of your life and starting over? Or staying with someone you’ve seen has changed and trying. It depends on what you want.

[Shortman70]

It sounds like he's doin everything you've ask of him. Now I think you're having a problem letting go of the past. I understand you don't want to get hurt again but you have to overcome that fear or you're gonna end up hating each other. I'm not saying forget completely yet, just let the past go, don't be so controlling that he hates you either. Sounds like you've communicated bout your how you think and are well on your way to patching this up. Good luck!!

[kc_4308]

More like get cheated on ! This guy isn’t sorry ! If he hasn’t cheated he will eventually!

[BCA6010]

I see his angle in regards to the child, but the unfaithfulness (in my opinion what he did is definitely cheating) is not something that can be overlooked. I honestly can't recommend cutting him any more slack than you already have, and the fact you're even questioning it at this point sounds like this relationship is sinking anyway.

[JustinTimberlegs]

Im not sure what you should do, but I'd you do choose to stay make sure to get a marriage counselor and talk through things, make sure you understand each other and communicate better

[Iron_Man]

You’re gonna have to sleep on that one

[IncognitoBandito]

Don't walk, run