Is it normal, to feel or think that my friends with benefits/crush and my so call friend could be sexting each other?

[Erica686]

So long story, very short. I haven't talk with him in months, I Lately have been trying to move forwards and slowly move away from him. Both emotionally and physically, but more Emotionally and mentally. But Anyways, now when it comes down to this girl, she nor I haven't been good friends to each other. And in the past, she has a Record on file of being a hoe, plus she has try to get @ the guy's, that I either liked or like or either messed with. And I'm like bitch what kind of friend are you MF. So, my Relationship with her Has been washed down the drains years ago. But anyways, Those guys wasn't about anything anyways, the Majority of them. But moving on. So with this particular person this one stupid individual. She knows, and him and I have a lot of history and I've share a lot of info with her over the years about him. Like, she seen my Difficult times with him and the good too. And she says that he isn't her type and hoe ugly he is and how she would never mess with him. Because he reminds her of her ex And the father to her kid. So she said, I don't want him nor am I looking at him. She's like, if that's what you want! then he's all yours, just be Careful That's all I'm saying. And yes, Those two have talked before But that's because I introduced her to him because she has allowed me to meet her past crushes or people she dated so I said why not. But moving on, my point is, they both have kids she has two and he has one. And things Between him and I aren't the same, and people change. But him and I are we get alone fine. And ever now and then, he hits me up. But my reasons to why I am asking. I notice when he Goes away! I don't hear from her or him for awhile. . Continue to read, update to question..

Updates

+1 y

But when he Decides To return, so dose she. Sometimes she'll hit me up asking me what I'm doing, and if I can come over and see her. Or tells me, about her family drama and her stupid, Retarded, husband who she has cheated on more than once with.

Updates

+1 y

But anyways. He and I are both black and she's white. And from the conversations that him and I have had, before. He's says he's not really interested in white girls. And if he was, it's not an issue for me. I love Interrelationship. But my thing is, am I tripping or could it really be something?

[t-8900]

You gave him access to your body without securing a relationship first. You'll never get him now, sorry
Your just his easy ass. Women make this mistake way too often today. When a man wants a wife "easy" is not on the list. Sorry you don't understand men's nature very well.

[Erica686]

And as I said before understand the terms of an f w b. And I never once asked him to date me or be with me. It's just a concern. When even when I tell him what I'm looking for he still wants to pursue the sex. And FYI I haven't done

[Erica686]

Anything with him in months. Thank You very much! 😊

[t-8900]

I wish nothing but the best for you. The other thing could be he's trying to weight his options.

[Erica686]

Weight his Options: explained. Well thank you very much, and it's nothing to wish me for. I made that Decision To keep him at arm's length nothing more nothing else. It's just a bit hard when... He can't get over and Erase the sex part between him and I. And also what is sexual chemistry and why would it be one of the best things to a man to have with a female Or he feels that he has with a woman?

[t-8900]

im sorry I might have read that wrong. Your asking why sex is the best or rated as one of the best things for a man when he's with a woman? If that's what you're saying it's because for a man physical attention=love. But only if pursuing something serious. I dislike it myself but I won't judge those who choose that lifestyle. that's totally up to them. But if a man is not detached then yes it's a huge deal in the relationship.

[Erica686]

Will to be a hundred percent honest with you he confessed a few months ago. And said, I know it may seem like I always come to you for sex, but said I'm physically attracted to you, and it has always been that way. Then he said, when we do have sex.. we have good sexual chemistry and said that's one of the best things that him and I do have. And I was asking what did he meant by us have a sexual chemistry and it being one of the best things to have? And no worries your fine!

[t-8900]

I'm gonna say he caught the feels girl. It's hard if he's got a good heart than deep down that type of interaction he is going to have something for you. Maybe not love, not yet if he's talking to other women. But he might not be and he might be embarrassed to admit he's falling for you.

[Erica686]

And see, that's the difficult part. I understand that we established of just working on being friends we're in the process. But she also has made it clear to me and said I didn't know that you like me he said because you always talk about other men and how you messed around with other people. Then when I mention to him a few months ago about how I was seeing someone he said I can't be mad that you're wanting the time and wanting someone to be with you he said right now I can't give you that because he has a lot on his plate. But also said if things are meant to be later on as time goes on then it will be. I mean he emitted when the question was asked can you see his self with me and he told me yeah. But he definitely does talk to other females and I'm not tripping or stopping him. But if he has to be running out to all these other than for women then what is the point of them even saying half of the things you say to me. And sex shouldn't be used as a weapon! I get it, he likes having sex with me the most. But it makes me a little bit self-conscious and weird when he comes to me, for sex. Like :(laughs): I feel like he's trying to trap me. I mean, in most cases if a woman keeps, telling a guy No or give him excuses or being actually straight up and saying no sex means no sex let's just be friends. Most man will get it and leave or just find something else that is willing to give him what he wants. And ugh :/ sometimes it's hard for him to accept my change because he's used to me being one way with him. We are very much talking to each other's energy. And it's not that he wants to use me just he's too comfortable..

[Erica686]

But then he also feels that I don't want to sleep with him, bc he isn't enough sexually for me.. Or feels that he isn't satisfying me. But that's not it at all. It's just that over the years we have been friends with benefits and early on back in 2014 and 2015 and 2016 I didn't really take thanks between us so serious and I definitely didn't develop the feelings for that I have now. And I told him, I said. I can't just have sex with you.. And not feel more then what I shouldn't.. Bc I know that I could never you, the way I want. :( and that hurts me.. B. c I love him deeply and care form him a lot. But he just doesn't understand how much love is being hiding and cover up. But then I noticed when I do get involved with him sexually or just deal with him my move tends to change and my energy does to it's like he takes my energy for himself.

[t-8900]

tell me has he had any serious childhood trauma that he suffered as a child? Neglectful parents? sexual abuse? someone close to him died that maybe he never resolved in himself? Does he know his father?

[Erica686]

Tapped into each other's Energies

[Erica686]

Mood not move

[Erica686]

His dad cheated on his mom. And his dad was in and out of his life. But he's also into weed and sells drugs. Smh

[t-8900]

that's it hun. that's the thing that got to him. He needs help, professional help. Unless he's willing to get the help he needs you can't help him or fix him. But he really needs help. As a child I was sexually abused and abandoned. My dad took me in and I dealt with 2 parents that fought constantly before that. Going with my dad was the best decision I ever made as my mother was a very sick and toxic woman. I needed help, lots and lots. years of therapy and i still have unresolved issues. But I haven't given up on life and love. I have almost taken myself out a few times in the past but those thoughts are thankfully far behind me now.

[Erica686]

Awe I'm sorry about your situation yeah when I was younger my dad was very abusive to my mom. I will never understand why people hurt people they say they love. Grr

[Erica686]

And oh no that's tragic I'm glad that you're still here living with the rest of us please don't do that again. And yes! He do need help. Mentally and emotionally especially mentally. Hid brain.. it just everywhere but one of the reasons why I haven't walked away from him is because I know he needs me more than I do with him. Like I asked him to go to church with me one day and he said he was cool with that. And you're right I can't change him but I can encourage him what change looks like. His mother was a minister where she is a minister at the church. Needs to get saved. Smh poor man.

[Erica686]

Oh and also to he mentioned to me about how he dated somebody a few years ago and she cheated on him hurting him really bad this was somebody that he loved

[t-8900]

Yeah the reason for "asshole men" is usually tied to the women in them in some way. My first love was my only real love and she absolutely DEMOLISHED my heart. cheated on me with a drug dealer, had me crying in her car, omg I was so heart broken. She broke up with me as I was setting down flowers on my grandfather's grave. I took my frustration out with revenge sex on her cousin but I felt even worse about that. I became much colder after that and only recently tried again to find love.

[Erica686]

Oh damn! Not the cousin woah.. Yeah! You was that asshole. OMG!! Well hopefully you are in a better place now of your life. Now we can only forgive those who has hurt us the most. But that's rough for you though I am sorry. :(

[t-8900]

to be fair the cousin was coming down strong. That said it was a LONG time ago and I'm a completely different person at 31 then I was at 22.

[Erica686]

Good! Same.. and this comes back to the conclusion when you get to a certain age, your ass is supposed to grow out of bad habits and not repeat history. So mfs don't change, or don't know how. Smh

[t-8900]

Yep I'm glad I did

[Erica686]

Good! Change is good. Especially to change for the better. So I'm happy for you. 😊😊

[Pterodon]

Why do you care? After all he’s nothing but a stiff dick for you to use in place of your dildo right? He has nothing to gain by being your boyfriend. You’re already spreading your legs for free

[Erica686]

I haven't in awhile. But I care, bc I know what type of person she is. And she knows how I am and feel about him. But like him and I decided to be friends because you're right he's not ready to settle down. And that's why I decided to do my own thing and walk my own way. 7 years sexting him and 8 knowing him. Nothing had changed... So why stay.. him and I can be friends from a distance. But his mind is to much wanting to be in my guts lol haha. 🙄

[Pterodon]

He doesn’t want you unless it’s just to fuck. If he does he knows how you feel and where you are. I hope you learned your lesson.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

friends with benefits is for pathetic losers, with no lives

[Erica686]

That's why I decided to walk away. One of us has to change. I want something real with someone the wants me for who I am and not what I'm providing. While he wants to be in my guts.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

why anybody ever does friends with benefits, is beyond me

it's like, get a life, dude, you're pathetic

[Erica686]

Right. And I don't understand, why he is finding it difficult or hard to accept the fact that I don't want what he is on. I gave him an opportunity this year to either continue to be my friend or if he wanted to be more. And he chose friendship over a commitment. So that's when I was like.. Okay cool.. Then no SEX. 8 years. And I refuse to be stuck and stay and this Limbo with him. So nope!

[Erica686]

But regarding to them both I know how she is and I will hope that she isn't what I'm thinking. It's just a lot of history that him and I have. But I don't know if I'm overthinking things. Like I had sex with him back in 2015 at her parents house with him in her bed. At that time I got kicked out of my house and I ended up staying with her parents. B, C the apt that she shares with her husband and two kids wasn't big enough and plus it's a mess in there and bugs all over the place. Nawl.

[Erica686]

But she still doesn't know and I haven't told her. Hehe.. She hates this man... And I'm sure the last thing she wants to hear, is that I brung this monster into her parents house, and on top of that we fucked. Oops.. Sorry T. 😏😂😂

[spartan55]

Is what something? Wth are you talking about?

[Erica686]

I want to know is it possible that my so-called friend is talking to someone that I used to mess with. I know he isn't my boyfriend. Okay I can care less about that. But the simple fact is that with this one I have a lot of history with him, and if those two are messing around that's going to really piss me off. But I don't want to make assumptions.

[spartan55]

And so what if they are? Why the fuck are you still even thinking about that dude? You aren't 'friends', you won't be hanging out... if he is fucking her, so what? Don't you have your own life to lead?

[Erica686]

B. c I know what type of girl she is. And also... I have been knowing him for awhile. And I been dealing with her for years. She says she don't want him.. But she also knows how I feel... Like, I still talk to both. Him not so much, I stop chasing after him. He msgs me this past week. But I never respond to him. And with her, she likes black guys and that's cool and all. But don't come after guys that I genuine like. Idc about having anything with this dude! Not anymore. But my feelings are still there- and she has down a lot of stuff. But this would be the lowest of all things. I mean, he says that he don't like white girls like that. So I don't know... And he also knows that she is married. So I don't know...

[Erica686]

And also.. I mean.. A few years ago. When I got kicked out of my house.. And I was living with her parents. I had sex in her parents house and in her bed... Oops. She wanted me to stay with her. But the apt that they have with there kids is to small and they have bugs like everywhere. Ewww noo way. So she asked her mom and dad.

[Erica686]

But him and I kept that a a secret for years from her.

[KrakenAttackin]

TL;DR"friends with benefits/crush"... You are the cause of your own problems.

[Erica686]

What do you mean?