My boyfriend lied about his age, should I break up?

Question

I find this a big deal and right now feel very disgusted. To me it's like he robbed me out of my choice. Now I'm wondering what else can he be lying? I don't see him the same anymore.

I found evidence and he admitted this recently; 4 years into our relationship. I was 19 at the time. I supposedly met a ''21 year-old''. In my profile I clearly stated ages 18-22. It turns out he was already 31 years old at the time but pretended to be in his 20's because of his youthful looks.

He's excusing it that age doesn't matter in a relationship, that love has no age. I still feel robbed, forced into continuing a fake relationship, a fraud. I wouldn't have continued dating him if I knew his real age from the start. I had the right to now and he stole that from me. Now I can't get over the image of my first time being with an older man and not a young guy.

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

Kinda sounds like a dear friend of mine. She met a guy online when she was 16 up in Conn. and he was in SW Pa.. He told her he was only 21 and she eventually fell in love with him and moved west to be with him as soon as she graduated high school. She, rightly so, figured those few years difference weren't much of a big deal (My own parents were 10 years apart.), but, he'd been telling her all sorts of lies that she didn't find out about until she came to be with him! All of a sudden, he wouldn't even come see her or even help her move into her new place!! The guy next door to her saw her moving in and offered to help, she accepted, then he raped her!! Welcome to the neighborhood!!
Well, her new boyfriend eventually started seeing her but doing really sick shit to her! Anyway, to stay on point, he eventually told her that he really wasn't just 4 or 5 years older than her but, actually, 10 years older. She wasn't thrilled with this or the fact that he lied to her, but she stayed with him. A year or so later, he told her his REAL age!! He was at least 18 years older than her!! She was FURIOUS!!! I advised her to drop him like a hot brick but, she ended up staying with him! He controlled her life for the next few years and I wasn't even allowed to talk to her, anymore, even though we were best friends!! They got married, had two kids and when she'd finally had enough of him a few years later, she divorced him!! But, he got the kids on weekends! She also started talking to me again but she was different, not as much the sweet, innocent thing I got to know so well 2 years before. She discovered that he was abusing the kids during their visits to him and she had him arrested for it and he's now rotting in jail!!
She just turned 37 2 weeks ago, he's in his mid to late 50's and the kids are in their early teens and the boy is turning out to be a LOT like his old man!!
Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, if I can''t trust my SO implicitly, the relationship is doomed!! I was with my ex for 10 years and, around 9.5 years in, started catching her lying to me, stealing from me and then, by our 10th anniversary of being together, found out she'd been cheating on me!! I droped her like a bad habit!! Like I said, if I can't trust her 100%, I don't think I want to be around her!!

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Holy shit! Yes. I''m sorry. but that IS a big deal. Deception DOES matter in a relationship. Age differences are fine. Creepily lying about your age to become involved with 19 year old girls is very different. That is so messed up. You would be a fool to not break up with this guy.

That is just not something any halfway decent guy would EVER DO. And for 4 fucking years!! No way I can appreciate that it's not at all easy. But this guy is a piece of shit! There's no two ways about it! Every single moment of that relationship was a deception! He was lying to you every single time he let you believe you were talking to a man your own age.

You weren't dumb for being tricked by some guy who would lie about his age. You ARE dumb if you stay with him now that you know. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Good luck. 🙂

PrettyPriya · Accepted Answer

Age isn't really the problem, it is the lying. What else could he have lied about that you don't know? Right?

CasuallySamsonite · Answer

yeah, MAJOR red flag there... also, how could you not know FOUR YEARS into a relationship? like, that takes a lot of proactive lying to cover up a whole decade. Trust me, I'm a guy in my 30s pretty youthful and fit for my age and I can't even begin to imagine what it would take to pose as a college age dude.

Paul09 · Answer

That is a strange thing for a man to lie about. But took you 4 years to know that? Sounds impossible. Dont women usually oddly lie about their age for some reason. I do not understand these type of people. Maybe you should break up..

Staximus · Answer

It doesn't matter if your first time was with a 21 or 31 year old. That's not the real issue here. He should have told you his real age when he met you. Not telling you for 4 years after that is worse. What else is he hiding? Tell him to take a hike.

Shamalien · Answer

Too gnarly... can’t repair trust that broken I don’t think

Wise4myage · Answer

He deserves to be dumped for that.

Naydyonov · Answer

Yes, this is fucked up

888theGreat · Answer

If you can't tell the diff then no

noohair · Answer

Then leave him.

In_Trance · Answer

yeah

My boyfriend lied about his age, should I break up?

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