How to deal with insecure partner?

[Anonymous]

Every once in a while she would come up with a question such as, "do you like girls that do xxx", "does it bother you when I do xxx" and so on. After every question I would reassure her of my love, of my commitment to her, of how I wouldn't change anything of her, how I like her the way she is. However it just feels like I'm talking to a brick wall.
Yesterday it happened again, we were watching a series when she started asking questions and talking about other topics like she usually does. At some point I got quiet because I was too focused on the episode and she noticed, so she got quiet for a second too. After the episode was over she asked me if it bothered me that she talked so much. I said no, and asked her to forgive me if I get quiet cause sometimes I'm just paying attention. She instanty got insecure and said she would stop. I just wanted to watch the next episode, however I stopped so we could have a conversation in which I tried to explain that everything is fine and she doesn't need to change. We watched the next episode and she was fully quiet. Not even laughing at my jokes. After the episode ended I decided to talk to her, "hey look, it is starting to affect me when you go insecure like that, I know its normal and I do my best to support you, but you have to stop and that security has to come from you". She was quiet for a long time. After a couple of hours we discussed. She told me how she felt like in her case this wouldn't bother her, how its a small thing, how maybe I am better with someone else, how she values more the good things than the bad things. All stuff I've heard before, but I felt it was off topic. I told her "but it bothers me" so she goes "it shoudnt".
It is something I have noticed, whenever I feel frustrated, or bothered, or annoyed, and I tell her, her answer is "well its such a small thing just ignore it". For once I would like to hear a validating sentence from her. Am I in the wrong? ran out of space feel free to ask me anythign

[bobalife]

haha I have been that insecure girlfriend type where I asked questions like that.

So to speak to answer your posted question, I would suggest having an open discussion where you both are able fully talk and give each other your undivided attention. Try to explore with her what is the root of her insecurities and worries, and what are some things you can say or do that can reassure her. You can also tell her that you can try to reassure her and it will be good for her to also slowly build her own confidence.

To answer your bottom question, I agreed that it was not okay she kind of dismissed your feelings and thoughts. I am sure it was unintentional, but you should also emphasize that it is also important for the relationship to have the both of you to be heard and acknowledged. Her feelings are as important as your feelings.

Maybe you can let her know that when you guys are also doing activities, you want to enjoy that time with her and have those kind of discussions after or you guys can pause your activity and talked about it. Try to come up with solutions together in order for you guys to have a fun time together and when to have serious conversations.

[SweetDumplings]

It seems like your girlfriend is very difficult to be around and I'm sorry you're going through this. It seemed like you just want to chill like all you wanted was to vibe and she was being a kill joy and that maybe seemed to have frustrated you. And because of that you seemed so annoyed. I bet you were annoyed at some point though. My advice is to continue to talk out your feelings with her, if she continues to act like you're talking to a brick wall then she might not be the one for you and how can she be if all you experience around her is headaches, that isn't good.

[ad_237]

People are insecure at this age. Give her time, she will grow and gain confidence. If you watch movies together, then watch something that teaches young adults to develop acceptance of themselves and become confident

[Asker]

she's is 28

[ad_237]

Oh. Your age was showing between 18-24. I assumed she is of a similar age

[NathanDavis]

maybe you should spend more time with her, focusing on her... and not on the TV or a screen, have you tried something like that before?

[Asker]

Funny how males are completely incapable of giving good answers.

[NathanDavis]

and some of them males... can't even understand the person that has been right in front of them for weeks, months... even longer, and can't figure out basic, common sense... well, that's not so funny though