Do you think he still sleeps with his Baby Mom? I’m 20 he is 28?

[xolaurenxx]

I’ve been seeing a guy for 4 months now. Times went by. I don’t even know what to class it as I always go to his house sleepover and we have sex and speak everyday and the things he says makes me believe he does like me a bit. But he did say he dosent want a relationship.

He just came out for a 16 year relationship with his Baby Mama 7 months ago. He’s 28. I’m 20. But I really care about him? Do you think it’s possible he still sleeps with her. I have a strong gut feeling and I know a gut feeling isn’t proof but I just can’t seem to shake off the gut feeling.

she still shares his business page on social media, i mean they own two dogs together from before. I’m not sure what to do though because I’m finding it hard to let him go?
He always compliments me and stuff and says how sexy and beautiful I am and it makes me feel nice and he’s very relaxed so we get along.

but my friends have been telling me for 2 months that he most likely still sleeps with her since they were together for 16 years. What do you think? I’m not accusing him of anything I just want opinions on this situation? Me and him have never been on a date yet but he promises them. Sometimes the age gap makes me wonder too... Please be kind lol I just really need different perspectives.

[HollyK21]

Please don’t take any offense to my bluntness, as it’s truly not me trying to be rude. For starters, what exactly are you looking for with this guy? He’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship, and yet you are still dealing with him, catching feelings, and caring what he does with other women. Are you hoping he will change his mind? Bc that is the quickest way to not only disappoint yourself, but to get really hurt in the end. Not everyone is built for a friends with benefits situation, especially if you hope for dates and eventually some level of commitment from him in this dead-end situation. Now to the heart of your question: unless you come across some proof, then there is no true way to know and you will eventually drive yourself crazy with wondering if he is or not. What’s worse is, you can’t feel anything about it regardless because he isn’t your man. So think about how these things make you feel, consider your worth and if you truly deserve to further dig yourself into a hole falling for a guy who will never reciprocate those feelings. Lastly, 16 years is a long ass time. They’ve gone through a lot and most likely are not truly done with eachother. If he’s openly not willing to commit, then it’s because he is rebounding and may anticipate going back to her at some point. Dating a guy with a baby mama can be tough in general, but given their history and stuff, paired with how he’s acting, that door is likely not fully closed and you will be discarded once they patch things up. I think you should want more for yourself that being some dudes booty call, and me telling you this is coming from the same place of sincerity that it would if I were advising a friend. So think about what you really want, and understand that unless you can’t emotionally detach yourself from this man, stop blurry the lines and make your connection only about sex, then that is NOT the situation for you.

[xolaurenxx]

Thank you for this I feel as though I’m speaking to a friend. Yes I’ve been thinking it the past few days of what I’m even really looking for with him. I mean the age difference, the baby moms and the fact he isn’t ready for a relationship and they will always be connected since they have children. I wouldn’t say I’m ready for a relationship since I’m young only 20. Me and him really connect physically and sexually but maybe not mentally since the whole age difference and getting with him is the best I’ve had but it upsets me knowing he can do that with anyone and that he can do whatever he wants and never takes me on dates. He always promises then and brings them up but we never go, I end up going to his house and he has an excuse. It’s just hard since I am very attatched

[HollyK21]

I completely get it, I’ve been in your shoes several times in my life and it’s hard to walk away from someone you care about. I think the biggest catalyst is wanting the situation to pay off. You want the reward, and for the time you invested, the emotions, and all of that to pay off, otherwise you will feel bad about yourself and like you were used for sex. But there’s no silver lining in this situation, when he’s flat out saying he doesn’t want a relationship. Nothing to look forward to and you will walk away from this empty handed regardless. So at least you should walk away with your dignity and most importantly, on YOUR terms. Not because he discarded/ghosted you or got back with his baby mama. I know you’ve given him a lot of yourself but there’s nothing you can do to change that no matter what, and worst of all you can’t even look forward to a future with this dude. He’ll just keep breaking promises, dragging his feet and using your body. You deserve so much more, and you should WANT more, not settling and lowering your standards.

[caring__1]

He's been with her since he was 12, and he stayed for 16 years. It's hard enough letting go of a first love without the complications of children and the length of the relationship. Their relationship recently went through a change, but I'm not sure you understand the change or whether he's just giving her space to find herself and return to him. He's not committed to you. You're just a pleasant diversion, and, as he stated, he's not looking for more. Some people can accept it as is, but I'm sensing you don't want to continue unless you believe there could be a future.

Though an 8 year difference won't be an issue 10 years from now, it is an issue now, as you're still going through adolescence. Women don't generally resolve adolescence in our present day society till about 24, and guys about 28. Stepping into roles rather than working on our identity can delay that process. That means he may feel like a fish out of water, and it will take some time before he is stable enough to move forward in his life. Don't put pressure on him, as he probably doesn't have what you're seeking. He can relate to an adolescent due to the delay in his own adolescent resolution, but that may not be true in the future. You've crossed paths, but you don't know whether his path is going the same direction as yours or a different direction.