Who has it worse? me or the main girl? do we both have it equally as bad?

[nocturnalbaby]

for about a year, I was very clearly the side girl of a guy I was seeing that I met on tinder early last year. He added me on fake accounts & a second phone number at the beginning, & when I did some investigating & found his real social media & tried following him on it, he accepted & followed me back, but then blocked me 3 days after, which means he had something to hide. He kept lying & making up excuses & saying he blocked me because I had a go at him for treating me badly, but that was months AFTER he blocked me, so it's obvious he blocked me because he's hiding something, a girlfriend most likely. he eventually added me on his main phone number late last year & he kept playing around & adding & unadding me on his real snapchat. he deleted me permanently on snapchat in the middle of this year & never contacted me or tried to add me back again until he bumped into me 3 weeks ago. he told me he had gotten rid of his side phone & that he no longer uses the fake accounts he added me on at the beginning, & he took his phone out to show me that his instagram is deactivated & that he doesn't have one, but just a few days ago, I noticed he made a new instagram & I know he will never follow me on it, & if I tried to follow him on it, he would definitely block me again. I'm getting really sick of him thinking he can use me as a side chick to sleep with when he pleases just because he knows I still have feelings for him, & it's really hurting me to see how he's happily following other girls from his life & isn't embarrassed about them, whereas with me he won't even contact me from anywhere other than through text, where nobody can see any proof of us being in contact. I know I shouldn't be that envious of the girlfriend, because after all, she is getting cheated on behind her back, but at the same time, I just feel jealous/envious seeing how at least he's proud to have her in his life & how he's friends with her friends & vice versa. I've now blocked his number though.

[dankstranger]

so you know how he will be super connected a talk for a while, and then seemingly out of nowhere, radio silence? and then give it a month or so and he's back super talkative ready to add you again?

this hot and cold pattern is because his main girl knows. she may not have proof, but her feminen intuition is telling her something is up and she probably quizzes him or confronts him about it. then he has a knee jerk reaction to go block all his side pieces (yes you are probably not the only side piece he has)

imagine being in a relationship, where you KNEW something wasn't right. where you KNEW he was probably cheating just didn't have proof. And he still goes on dates and acts lovey dovey and deep down you know its all an act and you aren't sure if you should leave him completely or try to hang on and see if he changes. Imagine that dispair.

I'm gonna say his main girl has it worse because their relationship has the pretext of monogomy where your relationship with him it is kind of plainly known that your the side piece. you could detach at any moment and have far less baggage than his main girl.


any guy who has two phones should be a red flag though. why are you letting Mr. Fuckboy play with your feelings. leave him behind.

[nocturnalbaby]

this is actually an interesting take on it. I never really thought about this for some reason. I never really thought that his main girl possibly knowing or monitoring him could be the motivation behind when he chooses to be friendly to his side girls & when he chooses not to be.

I always just thought it was him just losing interest & then not finding anyone else, & coming back to me when he couldn't find someone else. but yeah that makes sense, she probably does know about him cheating, or has an idea of it & confronts him about it, and yes, obviously I'm not the only Side piece he has, especially considering that I saw him a few weeks ago after more than a year of not seeing him, so obviously during this time he's had other side girls. don't worry I am aware of that.

yeah I've never been in a relationship, but I can imagine how sad or stressful it may be to be in that position in a relationship, constantly confused about whether your partner will stop his ways.

yeah I kinda see what you mean by that, the main girl kinda has it worse because they're supposed to be a monogamous couple & she's getting cheated on behind her back. At the end I would say though that we both had it equally as bad because when a guy is cheating, none of the girls are really the main girl, cause he's cheating on the main girl, and then with me, his side chick, he was lying to me and telling me he's single, so he was also sort of cheating by not telling me that he even has a main girl, so yeah I do see how it can be worse for her, but at the end I see it as every girl just being cheated on at the same time.

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah I know, I noticed the 2 phones were a red flag, but I thought maybe he's a drug dealer or something and the being in a relationship didn't occur to me at first since it was my first time being with a guy like this. I have stopped talking to him. I didn't get enough space to write the whole story, but he deleted me in the middle of this year, and we didn't speak for about 7 months, but he suddenly saw me in person 3 weeks ago after a year of not seeing me and we started chatting, and then he started hitting me up again for sex, and as I mentioned at the end of my post, I have finally blocked his number, especially seeing now that even after a year he still has the same intentions with me.

[dankstranger]

well good you've officially cut ties with him. I like your point about "all the girls were being cheated on" thats a very good point of view to remember. Of course the main girl had more to lose, but all the girls he fooled with were getting cheated. that is a very good point. thanks for bringing that up.

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah no worries :) looks like we've both learned from each other. Now I hope I can keep myself busy & hopefully meet someone new that will help me get over the strong feelings I unfortunately developed for this guy.

[Faerum]

Good job for blocking him, just focus on your future and getting over him. There are A LOT of other dudes out there who won’t treat you like this or make you feel like they are cheating.


This will make you feel terrible for years to come and will be the first thing you think of when people say “cheating” so talk through this with a female friend IRL that cares about you.


It’s good that you went through this and know the red flags, you’re one step closer to finding your “the one”

[Anonymous]

Who has it worse? Of course you, and I mean zero offense by that, this is just honesty, woman to woman. You have been the side piece and last resort, over and over. She can’t have it worse bc she doesn’t know. YOU do. And yet you allow yourself to be used and discarded repeatedly by this man who not only will not commit to you, but has not intention to ever do so. My question is, why do that to yourself? Do you really want that outcome where FINALLY, after all the women who got sick of his shit, all the failed relationships and and cheating on other women, you MAY finally be an option? Why is that ok? Why do you think so lowly of yourself that this bottom of the barrel shit is all you deserve? It’s time to embrace yourself honey. Give that broken part of yourself all the nurturing and love that it deserves, heal from your past and uplift yourself because this is NOT it. I’m talking to you as I would to my friends, and it may be kinda harsh but there’s a lot of love behind it mama.

[nocturnalbaby]

okay look, I wasn't able to write the whole story cause of the word limit, but the thing is I don't know who his girlfriend is & I didn't have 100% proof that he had a girlfriend for sure. Like yes his behaviour & him adding me on fake accounts are signs of it, but it was still hard to tell for sure whether he actually had a girlfriend or whether he just wanted to hide me for other reasons (like being embarrassed of me or something). so it's not that I chose to let myself be used, it's not that I thought I would finally become an option. I always knew I wasn't gonna become an option, it's just that I had feelings for him myself & enjoyed seeing him even though it was just for sex, so I just took the opportunity to see him because I waist 100% sure who his girlfriend is or whether he had one for sure, and I felt that getting the chance to see him just felt good cause his company made me feel happy.

I appreciate your concern for me, and I did make a mistake by letting him use me for sex in general, regardless of whether he was cheating on someone or not, but what I did wasn't out of little respect I had for myself or anything like that. It was just my feelings for him that made me wanna see him, and the uncertainty to whether he really had a girlfriend or not.

[Opinion Owner]

I get it, and I know that me saying these things flat out just don’t seem fair, because what’s going on was never your intention to happen and you write it off as “complicated”. I genuinely understand, as someone who has been in your shoes. But there’s things you just have to own. When you say you didn’t choose to let yourself be used, well, allowing certain behavior from him no matter what the catalyst is, is still a choice. If you had more respect for yourself, you simply wouldn’t allow that treatment and find yourself in a place of making excuses for it. Like every time you hook up, it’s bc you’re happy to see him. You’re not in a relationship bc you’re settling for the little he’s giving you bc it’s something. These are excuses. I completely understand that you have very strong feelings for him, but the writing is on the wall here. If he won’t commit now he never will. He’ll keep using you, keep giving you enough rope so that you won’t dip out, but never giving you what you want. You can do sooo much better than this.

[Opinion Owner]

If you are actively trying to do better, like by blocking him and ignoring him, then that is a great step in the right direction and I truly hope you continue down that route.

[nocturnalbaby]

okay yes I understand what you mean, what I'm saying are kinda excuses to cover up my choice to let him disrespect me like that & keep using me knowing he's never gonna give me more. But unfortunately it is true that having strong feelings/loving someone makes you do things that you don't normally do.

I usually have respect for myself & instantly cut off any guy I don't want to talk to or anyone that is disrespecting me, but things just go differently when you love someone. I know what I did was wrong & I shouldn't have let him do that stuff to me.

I tried cutting him off so many times during the time I was seeing him, but I would always end up missing him & remembering him & then going back to him. it was also just a bit hard cause I hadn't found anyone else either so he was all I could think about. anyway, now that just comes across as another excuse. just trying to explain my point of view.

I'm glad you understand what I mean. I do admit I should've just stuck to cutting him off & I should've controlled myself & not gone back to him after all that he did to me. I definitely don't see myself going back to him now that I've blocked him myself.

[Opinion Owner]

The trick with that is you can love him, but you have to love yourself more. Once you do that, then you can do anything. I know it’s hard af, and honestly I hope you’re proud of yourself for blocking him. Sure the memories can hurt and make you wanna feel those good times again, but making current decisions based on things that were in the past and your hopes for the future, will keep you stuck, waiting and hoping for something he just wasn’t capable of giving you. So In the times you wanna go back, just remember why you left in the first place and it helps. Have confidence in your ability to stay strong and leave him behind.

[Opinion Owner]

And I so glad that you don’t see yourself going back. You are strong enough to stay away and I hope you remind yourself of that in moments of temptation.

[kyleelyn199723]

His girlfriend has it worse because in the end, she most likely had no clue what is going on / went on between you two and is probably a really great girlfriend in the end if he shows her off and keeps her around. You on the other hand, you should come to terms with that fact that he isn’t a good guy and just move on. You aren’t with him and will have an easier chance moving forward.

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah I did mention that I have blocked his number. the thing is he deleted me earlier this year, and we hadn't spoken for about 7 months, & I was trying to use that time to work on myself & move on from him knowing that he was lying to me & manipulating me, so I did actually leave him, but we bumped into each other a few weeks ago & he suddenly just started talking to me, & cause that was my first time seeing him in over a year, I didn't think anything was gonna happen after that & I thought he was just chatting to me since it had been a while, but when he started messaging me about sex again, I blocked it cause I can see now that even though it's been a year since I last saw him, he somehow still has the same intentions to use me as a side piece, so I have properly ended it now again.

[Danny_dan92]

If you knew you were a side girl, and still kept seeing him.


For one, you’re a piece of shit.


Secondly, you’re also stupid for enabling his shitty behavior and boasting his ego.


I bet you are the kind of girl that bitches about guys saying they are all man hoes.


Nope, on the contrary. You are one, because you knew this guy was cheating on his girl WITH YOU. And cause you where glued to his cock like a magnet to iron. You kept seeing him


I don’t have sympathy for you, also the main chick if she knew he was cheating also.


Brainless women

[nocturnalbaby]

facepalming a bit right now at this.

I don't know if you read my post properly, but I didn't have clear proof that he had a girlfriend, and I didn't know who she was or anything, so it's kinda hard to 100% be sure if he had a girlfriend without seeing any clear evidence or knowing who she is/was. He showed indirect signs that he probably did have one, but I didn't knowingly keep letting myself be a side girl, because I wasn't sure for a long time. it was my first time being used as a side girl and being kept a secret like that, so it took me a while to realise whether he was hiding me because he had a girlfriend, or whether he was just hiding me for other reasons like embarrassment of me for whatever reason.

and no, again, I didn't know FOR SURE that he had a girlfriend, he showed indirect signs of it, which sometimes you don't always realise when you have feelings for someone and it's your first time going through it.

and no, you have no right to 'bet' or assume what kind of girl I am and what I say about guys. I don't bitch about guys unless I know what they are like or have had experience with them. I don't have much respect for you now either for making an assumption about my mentality based on your misunderstanding of what I've written.

ignorant man.

[Staximus]

Why are you falling in love with a guy who is obviously a piece of shit and doesn't care about you? He's a shady liar and you should have got away from him as fast as possible. Wake up, dummy. You don't need to be treated badly.

[Anonymous]

Um why are you even bothering with this guy leave him alone

[nocturnalbaby]

I did? I blocked his number if you didn't read the last bit.

[Dingsbums]

Lol.