Have you ever felt that always putting on a persona made you feel less human?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I admit I get this kind of blues sometimes.
I do my best to always be "Sun Kim-Ai", everyone's friend, dedicated mayor, community man, etc.
But I feel that the more effort I put in this, the more people search me and write about me, the more distant I get from them.
They only see Sun Kim-Ai, not a human being. I can never do wrong, or get angry, or sad, or have doubts - and it's becoming an immense weight. What about you?

[AmandaYVR]

That was beautifully worded.
I think what you describe might also be akin to 'imposter syndrome'; something we probably all feel from time to time, and to varying degrees. Which is probably an even more common byproduct of the internet, but it certainly wasn't birthed there.
It also reminds me of a reference in a TV series I was watching over the holidays, about how out of touch, disconnected, someone can become, even as they try not to be. And that's partly because of geography, socioeconomic class differences, etc etc, and just how all creatures tend to fall into patterns of behaviour. The familiar is comfortable, easier on the senses (going to the same shops for services, for instance), but there are things we all do that inadvertently isolate us from others.
I can imagine with your social standing in the smallish community, that you (and maybe everyone there) becomes known, but if only known to a certain degree, it means what they know is not much more than surface level. And there is a habit that people have of typecasting others, applying certain archetypes to them. These are social shorthands of a sort; understandable, as who has time to know and analyze everyone to great depths, but it's also somewhat confining and restrictive, and dismissive, to be seen in only certain lights.
You're an owner of a business, 'boss', mayor, etc etc, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend letting down your guard to become an everyman. That's not your position or purpose. But acting inauthentically, as better than we are, can take a tole on one's psyche. And in fact, admitting fault sometimes, or what we lack, can gain even more respect (not that that is the goal in doing that), then never acknowledging any fault. The key is figuring how much, and when, and to whom, to reveal these peckadillos. Everyone has been in a situation where they confided in the wrong person, who abused that information, or turned on them. It becomes more than luck, but a skill, to gauge whom to trust.
One of the things I've learned in life as I've aged is that no one is as together on the inside as they appear on the outside. Things are hard. Life is hard. We all hope to have a reasonably tolerable ratio of hard:fun and enjoyable, but life comes at you regardless of being ready for it or not. 'Grace under pressure' is a great phrase, and something people should aspire to, in my opinion. It's more difficult said than done, but point is, everyone struggles at times, and people tend to find those aspects more interesting than the external facades that seem uncrackable. It even gets a bit dull.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you.
As always, you write the most thoughtful, in-depth answers, and I always enjoy reading them.
I'd say I agree with everything you wrote - especially about typecasting others and applying archetypes to them. People do tend to put you in a category, or a more than one, and you often become your role.
A particular episode comes from my mind, for example. Before we married, and actually before this winter, my wife was always particularly shy when entering the family company's plant, or calling me there - the guys at the switchboard told me how she would hum, apologize for ''bothering them'', and they always reassured her it was fine since she was one of owner's wife. It was like she felt out of place. I sent there once, the first time, to get some products because we were busy and we literally had the fridge empty, and despite the fact that I had already called over and they had prepared everything, she was really uncomfortable to go there and get ''free stuff''.
Now that she has ''grown'' into the role, so to say, even if I'm not there, she calls outright asking for things, and at least one day a week she drives there to do some ''shopping'' - ie, she takes home products on the reasoning that my father's wife and my sisters do the same.
I've heard her calling - she got snappy, demands instead of asking, pulls the classic Italian ''You don't know who I am'' when she doesn't get something right away, etc. same thing when she calls the town hall. It's one of the things that makes me wonder if she's ''acting'' like that because she must be the ''boss' wife'', or if she got into the role far too well, so to say.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

It makes me wonder where the boundaries between our real personalities and our social position actually lies. I do my best to be always patient, open and calm, but I admit that at home I can still get angry, or sad, or withdrawn.
Maybe we as people are careful to show our best self to acquaintances and people we don't know well, and gradually get ''realer'' with the people who are the closest to us. But I also think that we show a facet of our true character exactly when we interact with strangers or situations we don't know too well - a person can get shy, or overconfident, etc. It shows how we approach the unknown.
I agree with you that putting on a costatly stoic, confident and unmovable facade can backfire and make people find that dull - and I'd add, even drive them away sometimes. People don't want to get close to a facade, or an idol, so to say.

That aside, how are you? I hope you are doing well and have had a great Christmas with your loved ones!

[AmandaYVR]

Sorry this is a rather late reply but I was taking a bit of time away from gag (the holidays are tough) and then forgot about this for a while, but remembered today to come back to it.

"It makes me wonder where the boundaries between our real personalities and our social position actually lies." "It shows how we approach the unknown."
That is an interesting topic.
Yes, everyone does it to degrees, and some are more conscious about their image and what they project.

I don't really 'get' how your wife would be creating a role of the tough wife to fit your standing at the co. You know her, I don't, but my inclination is that she is emboldened and her true colours are being revealed.

[TrueConfection]

I grew up like that because my father was involved in politics. Don't do that to your kids. We would be sat down for interviews about our family and parents. We were always being coached. The pressure to not say something that could be perceived as sad or doubtful was worse than any school exam. Most of it was bs. If you think it's a confusing feeling, just imagine how your kids are going to feel.

[Citizenkirk]

Humans are not comfortable seeing themselves the way other people might see them because of the fear of "not knowing" how they come across from the third person perspective compels them too feel the worst about themselves they imagine others see when they look at them. Insecurities amplified by fear of being alone makes it so unbearable sometimes, appearing weak, inferior, unworthy, unattractive, UNWANTED 🤷🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️🐣🐤🐥🐔🐓💩NOT STRONG🦅FLY WITH DIGNITY. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT BALD EAGLES THIS GAME IS YOURS BOTTOM FEEDERS THEY CIRCLED AROUND THE DEAD SOLDIERS AND REVOLUTIONARY WAR BECAUSE THE VULTURES HAD GOTTEN RUN OUT BY THEM THEY WERE THE ALPHA SCAVENGERS OF DEATH AND DECAY OF THE DEAD AND THERE WAS A LOT OF ROTTING, BULLET RIDDEN MEAT TO BE CONSUMED AND RAVAGED BY THEM. THAT'S RIGHT THEY WEREN'T THERE TO CHEER American SOLDIERS ON THEY WERE THERE TO EAT THEM ONCE THEY HAD FALLEN. PRIDE AND DIGNITY EQUALS SHOW THAT WHEN THEY RAISE THEIR OFFSPRING HUNT FOR THEM AND FEED THEM AND PROTECT THEM UNTIL THEY'RE BIG ENOUGH TO GO OUT ON THEIR OWN THAT'S DIGNITY THAT'S SELF RESPECT THEIR RATS SHOW THE SAME CURE FOR THEIR OWN OFFSPRING. HUMANS NOT AS MUCH AS WE SHOULD. ARE THE HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTION AND WE STILL SEEM TO HAVE FAILED TO FIGURE THAT OUT YET.

[Staximus]

Well in your profile pic you look like a white guy pretending to be Asian. That might be part of your problem. Don't act like someone you're not and you won't feel less human.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Don't worry, I don't pretend to be Asian, that's just my username here. I picked It because I work closely with China and Korea, and my work as mayor is based on some of their characteristics applied to our local environment.

[Leonharted]

I try not to put on personas. If people don't like me, that's their loss, not mine.

[Agape93]

No, it just makes me feel less like myself. I already have issues that make me feel other than human

[Agape93]

@JohnK123 stop trying to add me. I've repeatedly denied friends requests, take a hint and back off.

[Deserter]

I just show different parts of my personality to different people. It's not even necessarily by choice. Different people and events just bring certain things out of you.

[killasbunny]

Often I just accepted it and it won't bother you again. just never forgotten your real self