How do you balance a sense of justice with forgiveness?

[Anonymous]

People wrong me and I'm always torn between forgiving them and teaching them a lesson by being cruel so it doesn't happen again and so they realize why what they did was wrong.

[jennifer_bloom]

The bible discusses the half tribe of Manasseh and Manasseh to me is a symbol for forgiveness, which to me means partial half forgiveness is acceptable in certain situations. Like you can forgive a wrongdoer by helping them cope with their mental issues while still demanding they take responsibility for their actions and atone for their crime. Like there was a guy from church who didn’t like me and refused to acknowledge my existence because he heard a lie somebody told him about me but he still offered me a ride home. I don’t like people who show off but I still respect them, I just refuse to be friends with them. That is half forgiveness, it means demanding accountability but maintaining respect and love and helping them to improve their behaviour.

[AmandaYVR]

Who's to say that your judgment is the one by which justice should be measured.

No one's forcing you to forgive, but it's not your place to apply 'justice.'
The balanced action is probably to tell them directly, "You wronged me, I'm pissed at you, and here's why..."
But beyond that, you walk a very sharp ethical line of two wrongs don't make a right.

[Asker]

When I said justice I meant more along the lines of the golden rule, which is more universaly accepted standard. I think communicating it is a good idea though

[bamesjond0069]

Forgiveness is actually for yourself. You can punish someone and forgive them, punish them and not forgive them, dont punish them and forgive them or dont punish them and not forgive them.

You may more be talking about mercy. I think there is room for both. For example an employee of mine really fucked me over in a blatant and back stabbing way. I fired him immediately. A month later he came back begging for his job. I told him to get lost. A month later i called him up and offered him his job back at a reduced pay. He took it. Two months later i gave him all his back pay i had been putting aside as if he had never been at reduced pay.

This is how you can both punish someone yet show mercy and help them.

[Oigit]

Forgiveness isn't something that always that is done instantly and it can very much be a processes. That is why it can be hard to do and something people are never able to do. There are times where forgiving someone is much more for your benefit then theirs. People can get so caught up in their sense of justice see that. Focusing on your sense of justice can quickly lead to you carrying lot of crap and doing much more damage to yourself then the person you want justice against ever did.

[Citizenkirk]

Closure. Accountability. Equality. Dignity. Self respect.

[Subarugirl]

It’s easy, justice and forgiveness are not mutually exclusive and don’t really have anything to do with one another.

[Asker]

Explain

[Subarugirl]

Well justice is defined as the quality of being fair and reasonable. And to forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

You can have one without the other or both together. They are not two sides of the same coin, rather they are two totally separate things.

[Asker]

I get that but how do you get a point across that someone wronged you and you don't want to be a doormat and allow it to happen again

[Subarugirl]

You communicate, establish and maintain boundaries constantly.

[jahaims]

Being cruel does not teach them lesson.

[Asker]

Well I feel like I shouldn't just be a doormat either

[jahaims]

Being a bigger person doesn't make you a doormat.

[Asker]

Why would they treat you different if you just let any mistreatment of you slide?

[jahaims]

Depends on the specific case. You just don't give time and energy to people who don't deserve it. It's pretty simple.

[Asker]

Tru, but I also don't want to give up on everyone that makes a mistake

[jahaims]

That's why I said it depends on the specific case. You have to look at intention not action.

[donnny2367764]

By the element of guilt and regret.