Is it my right place to scold my boyfriend about his future?

[Anonymous]

Been together for 7years. He has his final med exams and he isn't studying properly.. spending most of the time playing games and being hopeless that he'll fail anyhow and will reappear for exams.
Yesterday i was kinda being BRUTALLY HONEST with him and told him to think about his carrier and goals so that he can Have some motive to study. (He dosen't like thinking about future becz it stresses him). And get a bit more serious and stuff. Bcz i have been motiving him to study since 2-3 months and still he isn't doing well.
Now i feel really guilty for making him feel bad about himself and the fact that he was constantly thinking about what I said.

Yes.

No. Dont become his mom

[TheBootyChest]

First thing to always ask yourself before you say it out loud..."Would I want someone to say it like this to me?" Second question (may) be "Is there mindset exactly like mine, where it would motivate them too?"

To me it sounds like either you like people to be brutally honest with you, or that you didn't know what else to do.

[Asker]

I prefer brutally honesty no matter how much it hurts

[TheBootyChest]

Do you think he is the same way?

For me, I want the truth, but I want it said with compassion and support

[Asker]

I think he prefers honesty and i think being that honest is important because there will be a difference when i am telling him where he stands and when the world tells him. And second one is much worse i think.

[TheBootyChest]

I agree with honesty. But the point is how you give that honesty.

[Asker]

Yeah that day i was a bit rude and apologized hin for it and he was like "I'll always appreciate honesty so speak your heart" and after that we haven't talked much.. I don't know if he is sad or its his exam prep which is tomorrow

[TheBootyChest]

Which came first the chicken or the egg? Now I say that because it's hard to tell which one is affecting him first, and causing everything else to be blown up way more than it normally would be.

When you talk to him, just remind him that you are trying to do something from a good place, and that good place is to be supportive of him. But if he doesn't think you are being supportive, ask him to tell you how that would look for him then. Because it's important for people to understand how the other works, so we can be our best when they need it the most.

[Asker]

Yes sure willl do!.😊

[Asker]

Just an update. He wasn't talking to me because of exams and he wasn't angry on me. He was okay with it. But I apologise a lot coz I was sad. So he simply said that timings were wrong. I should have motivated him n not scold him, I was in my period so it's understandable for him for me being rude.

It's all cool now 🥳

[TheBootyChest]

I am very glad that you guys were able to talk it out and understand the other person. Sometimes things seen worse than they are because we don't tell our partner what is on our mind or what is bothering us.

"Hey honey, I know what you are trying to do, and I love it, but right now, I am too focused on my exams to really appreciate what you are trying to do for me. Let's talk about this again in a few days when I am able to relax and listen to you clearly."

That kinda of thing can be huge.

[Asker]

Yes true!! Anyway Thankyou so much

[rabbitzzz]

7 years. Yes. Make him know that if he doesn't grow up to be a man to feed you. You will end up marrying a rich fat dude.

[Asker]

Lol sure 😂

[Anonymous]

apparently its not , i tried to tell my boyfriend that something that could benefit him but he said i need to tell him what to do and im not his mom and i need to stop trying to control him.

[Asker]

Your guy is kinda rude I think.

[Opinion Owner]

I also agree

[Asker]

Probably talk to him about this.. it's not good for long term.

[Hangry06]

Yes. You have been together for a long time

[Luckycharms12]

Yes it's for his own good only said it cos you care and love him want the best

[mark000h]

Yes, he sounds terribly immature.

[Anonymous]

High school sweethearts I assume

[Asker]

Yeah... 😅