What do I do if the guy I am dating wants to make his female friends priority over me? Should I be ok with them to spend a full day/evening alone?

[Anonymous]

The big debate is he wants to make his female friends his priority over me and he sees absolutely nothing wrong with that. For example he has told me if one of them (yes there is more than 1) calls or texts for him to go do something I better be fine with him canceling plans even if we are on our way our to do something ourselves if one of them call he is gonna look at me and say sorry gotta go. Also he has made it very clear that I will not ever meet any of his female friends and I will never be included in going with them weather it be them going to dinner, having drinks, taking his jeep out with his other friends for a full day or whatever this female friend wants to do. He also told me when we first met there is one who only calls when she wants to have sex! Now I could be fine with a friendly lunch but telling me one only calls to have sex that is where I draw the line. He wants me to trust him 100% but I have heard him out and out lie to others on the phone in front of me which makes me question his truthfulness with me at times. Like last weekend he told me he had inventory at work then emailed me to tell me he broke his phone so he would be unavailable for communication all weekend. In the end he lied about the inventory and being at work (I called him at work and his coworkers said he hadn't been in at all) so his response was he was at work they didn't see him and he was in the building across the street. When I call him out on things he gets very mad and says I am being ridiculous and I need to just trust him. It's kinda hard to trust someone who lies to their own mother in front of you and wants alone time with female friends you are not allowed to know. What do you think I should do? I feel it's disrespectful to me to make his female friends priority and he feels I am being disrespectful by not letting him go on dates (we gotta call it what it really is) with his female friends. Am I being ridiculous and irrational?

Updates

+1 y

What do I do if the guy I am dating wants to make his female friends priority over me? Should I be ok with them spending a full day/evening alone?

[TommyMountainFigure]

He has a choice.. He chose his, but then you have a choice too. The question is will you take yours?

[Asker]

I feel like I am in a catch 22 situation here. I want to be with him but not like this not sharing him with other women. He has lied so much I honestly don't even know what is the truth with him anymore. I don't know if he knows what it means to tell the truth. He sat right beside me last Saturday and told his mom he was with a guy from work hanging drywall. I looked at him and said you want me to trust you and believe you but you just lied to your mom about where you were so how am I supposed to believe that you didn't lie to me last weekend when you said you were working and broke your phone? He just looked at me and said really you don't trust or belive me. How can I how do I know what is truth and what is lies? Is love enough to keep us together? I told him I am willing to give every once of my being to make this work but I need him to put in some work also

[TommyMountainFigure]

Truth is, you cannot trust a liar, but you already know that.. so I come full circle to my original question.. Are you prepared to be lied to and hurt all the time you are in this relationship because you cannot trust him.. or find someone else who hopefully won't?

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him about it

[Asker]

I have and he automatically goes into defensive mode and tells me ALL of his guy friends, even the married ones do this all the time. He literally just told me he has a married friend that has a single female friend that he goes and stays with over night playing video games and because she was in his wedding his wife is ok with the overnight visits they have. I told him he is delusional if he thinks I am gonna be ok with that kinda stuff happening

[Iron_Man]

Are you telling me he has female friends

[Iron_Man]

That’s a big problem don’t put up with it

[Asker]

Yes he only wants to go do things with his female friends not his male friends and when he goes to do things with the female friends I am not allowed to go and there is zero communication between him and I while he is out with them. I know his guy friends he is fine with me knowing them but I am not allowed to know his female friends at all. He said they all hate me and want to kick my ass because I get upset when he ignores me to spend time with them

[Iron_Man]

I believe that’s a line of BS I would highly recommend that you prepare yourself to MoveOn and get over him sooner the better

[Asker]

I agree with you it is total BS. He told me we will talk later tonight he has to think and he won't talk to me at work because I know everyone there and he doesn't want them to know he is talking to me. I use to work there too so I know everyone in that building. I am off recovering from a surgery last year that saved my life and then a stroke, my job has been offered to me a couple times but I have not been able to go back yet. At this point it would depend on how things are between him and I because I don't need his BS at work

[Iron_Man]

That's nice that he helped save your life but you can't have a man cheating on you

[Asker]

You're right. I just can't seem to be able to let go.

[Iron_Man]

Talk to a counselor

[Asker]

I am trying to establish care with one. Hopefully soon. I need to just get to a point where I can move back down south and start over plus the warmer weather will help reduce my physical pain and the beach will help with this mess.

[Iron_Man]

I live in Florida this should be perfect for you. Yeah you’re better moving on you don’t deserve to be cheated on

[Iron_Man]

I take it your Faithful

[Asker]

Yes I am very faithful that is why I have such and issue with this entire situation with him.
I am a NC gal but I am in PA because I need to be close to NY (my surgery was done at NYU last March) so I have to stay until I am finished with my appointments. I miss being in the south. I have a few different areas that I am looking at for when I get to go home, I have family here but home is in the Carolinas. I have this question set to anonymous but I sent you a follow request earlier today and this post should give you an idea of who I am.

[Iron_Man]

I was taking a long nap I’m tired I haven’t seen anything so far let me go check

[Iron_Man]

Is this you?

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/user/carolina_girl

[Asker]

Yes that is me

[Iron_Man]

Awesome

[Iron_Man]

Thanks for most helpful award

[Asker]

You're welcome you have been the most helpful with your advice and I appreciate it.

[Avicenna]

You should let him know what bothers you and give him options that won't bother you...

[Asker]

I have he doesn't like my opinion on this at all. He is fine with us being in a relationship and only seeing me one day a month, because that is all the time he can spare for me.

[Avicenna]

Few people would put up with that. If he isn't willing to change what bothers you, you should move on.

[Asker]

He said he doesn't understand why I won't go do things with my guy friends alone, my response to that is because I respect him too much to put other men before him and his says that's stupid. My friends would not expect me to go out like that with them without him and he says they shouldn't have to include him in things they are my friends not his. I have asked him to include me in things and his response is no he needs his alone time with his friends but by the same token he never wants to make plans with his guy friends either only his female friends.

[Avicenna]

He is either disingenuous or cluess. Both are dealbreakers. Don't put up with this.

[Asker]

He only wants to see things from his point of view which with his head shoved up his own @$$ he won't come out to see the light of day because he doesn't like reality he would rather live in his own world of delusion he has created. I have tried to get him to see it from different points of view but he just gets mad at anyone who disagrees with him on this point. I have tried to tell him that none of my family or friends have relationships or marriages where this is acceptable behavior and his response is always the same everyone else is stupid.

[IncognitoBandito]

If theyve been friends for awhile I think its ok

[Asker]

The problem is I really don't know how long he has been friends with any of them or how many are ex girlfriends because he says I am not allowed to meet them or know them. It could be someone he just met for all I know

[Wise4myage]

You should tell him to take a hike.

[Asker]

I have, we have split and gotten back together a couple times. I try to fix things because I want to believe that the love I have for him is strong enough to make things work. He just always finds a way to push me away. I have had some health issues over the past few years that have kept me down foe a while and I feel like he got use to me being down and him just being "free" but I am on the back side of feeling better now.