Is there a chance we can try in the future to be more than friends?

[Maebaeeb]

I am F (26) and he is M (22) currently. We dated for two years, and had a really great relationship full of love, not to say relationships don't come with issues though. Toward the end of our relationship, we were arguing a bit more, and not seeing eye to eye. We were both at very different points in our life that we needed to grow through, and thus, I broke off the relationship. For about 8 months after, he tried tooth and nail to work things out and I just wasn't in a place for it. I started to see new people, but him and I remained very close as friends through this period. We have been broken up for nearly 2 years now. The same amount of time we've dated.

We talk daily, though not always for long periods of times since we both have different friend groups. The relationship is long distance, but during our time of dating, we visited each other often, and since I work from home, I'd visit him for a month or more at a time.

I genuinely feel like this person is my soul mate, it just wasn't our time yet. About a week ago, I confessed I may be growing feelings again, and just today, confirmed that the feelings are there. He said I'm allowed to have feeling for him, but said he's not looking for a relationship right now.

Does that mean I lost my chance? Or does that mean right now is still just not the right time? Can we ever maybe try our relationship again? I'm confused. He said I didn't need to lose my feelings, so is that hope for the future?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he’s saying that it’s ok for you to still have feelings, that’s part of being human and sometimes we can’t help who we love. However, he doesn’t want a relationship in the present and you can’t foresee the future. It’s kind of sucky, because there was an opportunity to fix things and you chose not to. Don’t feel guilty about that, because you were doing what felt right for you at the time, not playing games or jerking him around — you were genuine about your stance and being practical is the most mature thing you can do. But still, from his perspective he tried hard to fix it and you weren’t having it. So now, he’s probably done trying for that after he already did so hard, and this is also understandable. On top of that, with all this time past he may not want to venture down that road again. All of this to say, unfortunately the future doesn’t sound like something to hold out hope for. You shouldn’t put your dating life on pause for a maybe or just in case, there’s nothing promising about that and if he never wants a relationship again, you will feel so disappointed and upset for waiting and waiting. So I say live your single life, if love finds you again then be open to it. If you two decide to try again in the future then that’s great and hopefully it is more successful. I just don’t see anything positive to gain right now when his answer is no.

[In_Trance]

I doubt it