If you were in a relationship with a man who was in the military or the army and you could never really see them, how would you handle that situation?

Question

I'm having a hard time with it

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Well I will tell you what you absolutely should not do, and that's move some other man in the house while he is gone. Or cheat on him and bring the guy around your kids. But if you can not remain faithful to him, then divorce and leave him ASAP. Because by staying you a terrible person, lying and taking advantage of all his hard work and sacrifice.

I did 22 years in the service, my marriage lasted 22 years, and end the year I got out of the military because she only stayed for the 50% of the retirement pay. I only stayed with her, because like you said I was gone all the time and only chance I had of ever seeing my kids was to try to make the marriage work.

So a lot of to do has been made about how hard it is to be a military spouse. Honestly its not for everyone, and some people just do not have the moral, ethical or mental toughness to to handle it. But do not assume it easy for him either... so try not to make it all about you. Because honestly there is not much he can do about it. He's got to go when he's told to go. And that 50% at 20 years is a damn good deal, with medical for life.

I assure you as a military dependent you are definitely getting the better end of the deal... when comes to the benefits in comparison to the sacrifices being paid. You definitely are not sacrificing as much as he is, and it not more difficult for you than it is for him. If you truly your man then remaining faithful is the easiest thing you can do.

My ex cheated, and moved men in while I was in Afghanistan, and she lied and stole... and she got her 50% of the retirement. So toughen up buttercup and stand by you man.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

In life we get to choose who we want to be by the things we say and do.. in the beginning you both talked a out it. Who did you choose to be in that moment
It's really pretty simple.. that's why your having a hard time.. because eith through friends or someone one else has painted a. New picture for you called the grass is greener. Or maybe even fools gold. . What does life mean to you. Or do you even care. What does the words honest or committment mean to you how about morals values and ethics I understand you probably going through a very hard time but that hard time is only coming from the inside of you change it are you lonely is that what it is if you're lonely how would you deal with it are there other lonely people in this world how many Mom and Pops at retirement homes or Lonely People didn't have nobody who make their day see there's the easy way and there's the hard way you want to do it the hard way the easy way is to allow things to happen to commit to honor the hard ways to fight the system being honest is the only way to be but once again we get to choose who we want to be alive by the things that we say and do you have to make a choice just remember this everything that you feel inside you are making yourself feel nobody else
You can reverse that feeling babe doing something else that you have to do what you got to do you're a grown woman and you deserve to be happy so whichever way you look at it. Is up to you

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

1. Accept and acknowledge that they are probably going to be away often. Do not hold a grudge or make them feel bad as that is their job serving their country, and you need to respect that. Be supportive because they may be in a stressful life and death situation and you on the other end may be their anchor to normalcy.
2. Create a wall in your home with memories of your time spent together, pictures, trinkets, and the current time where you are, and current time where they are so you know when to call.
3. Join an organization of military families. If you're feeling alone, this is the group that knows exactly what that's like and how to help you cope or just have an ear to talk or a shoulder to cry on.
4. Send them care packages. It will help them to know that you're thinking about them.
5. Find something for you to do to occupy your time without them. Join a club, learn a musical intrument, volunteer helping others in need, go workout, plan regular girls nights or game nights with friends.
6. When you are together, really spend it together and don't plan a bunch of stuff for every visit. Just being together and talking and reconnecting can help strengthen your bond.
7. Turn off the news. Staying glued to it trying to listen for every little bit of information on them will drive you crazy.
8. Keep the faith. It's not always easy, but don't bottle up your feelings. Talk to your family and friends, talk to a counselor, whomever, you need to because there are people willing to help be your support when you need it.

t_time · Accepted Answer

I am in a relationship with the military man, For a year now. I never thought I would date someone in the military. It is difficult. But I love him enough to make it work. We live together and that has eased my anxiety. because his stuff is here and i know he's coming home. My boyfriend just left for two weeks. He comes home for a little bit he's gone for a month. Comes home and he's gone for 11 months. You just have to keep yourself busy. You have to work on your mental toughness. Surround yourself with family and friends. Go to work, play video games, pick up new hobbies or whatever you like to do. Just don't stop your daily life. Don't overthink it. Just know that he's there for work and he is coming home. To be honest don't overload him with texts or phone calls. As much as you would love to. Let him text you. Not saying you can't text him at all but I know a lot of the time my boyfriend is extremely exhausted and the last thing he wants to do is have a phone call or text. And I understand. A lot of the time he's like that when he gets home as well he just doesn't really want to talk to anyone and he just wants quiet. That sounds bad but I can get like that too. Something that helps me too is to write in a journal about your day everyday. Exciting stuff that happens and not some exciting stuff that happens. So when he gets back you guys have a lot to talk about. I think being away makes you appreciate your partner even more and can create a stronger bond. It's all how you look at it. Is your cup half empty or half full?

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

I’m currently in a relationship with a man in the military, but I see him often.
The difficult part about military relationships is the unknowns and the deployments.

If your boyfriend/husband is deployed, it’s hard for both of you guys. The best you can do is just try and keep in contact by call or text as often as you can. All you can really do besides that is to keep yourself preoccupied… Get a hobby, focus on that. Try new things, go on walks, listen to music, etc. You just have to keep yourself busy until you can talk to him again or see him again.

If you can’t handle the LDR, the best thing you can do is just break up.

Desconhecida · Answer

If I was sure the guy was the one, I'd be patient and take this LDR seriously

Gigi2019 · Answer

You should have known what you were signing up for: A long distance relationship. However, whether or not "you" should remain faithful depends on how your man is handling your time apart (or not). This will give you an idea of how you should proceed. Is he cheating on you? If you aren't married, I doubt that "most" young, healthy men will feel the need to remain monogamous while they are deployed. Many unmarried men in the military will be honest with their ladies and say that they are only interested in an open relationship while they are enlisted. This is actually a decent and honest approach and prevents them from misleading women. I'm not saying that all service men are like this, but, the vast majority are.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I'm a dude and my wife is currently deployed + a kid... it sucks. It's forced me into a stay-at-home Dad position and trying to explain why I don't have a job, as a man, seems unthinkable to some people. The logic is simple to me... why pay someone else to sub-par raise my kid while I work, and then most of that money goes to the sub-par child care? Especially compared to getting more time to just do what I want and actually be a part of my kid's life in a better way. I digress...

It sucks. A great situation for an asexual person I guess, but I'm normal. It gets lonely as well. Most of the things I'd like to do, aren't all that safe to bring a kid along to do. I've adapted though... have my own at home gym with all the things you'll find at a gym, I use the grill and cook, and... to be honest I'm burned out on video games now at this point. Yeah... it just sucks.

JustiReno · Answer

Iono my aunt left a guy who was in Rangers and became Delta, he was so cool, she took me to Armed Forces Day every year on the base when I was a kid to play with rocket launchers and in tanks, watched him parachute out the plane and all. He was a good dude and I wish they woulda stuck together and had kids. It’s a rough life but if you really support your man and keep and eye on em like a woman should do think it can work out. I’m in a LDR myself and we try to talk as much as we can in video call. My aunt said her dude wasn’t tryna put in the effort when he went to training but iono your call every case is different

Guy13 · Answer

So, when I lived in Norfolk…don’t turn into one of the 42 seeking 24 and pretend you are not married. No rings, nothing in house, or 💩 like that.
I knew lots of guys that would make certain, Wifey was pregnant before ship sailed. Nowadays, sailors have other options, such as, lock that Thang down until 6 months is over…
Choose one and you’re good. Pregnancy 🤰🏻 ends alcohol 🥃 so your twitches should be less.

20yearsolder · Answer

I don't know, I would actually have to be in those shoes. I do know there's a lot of infidelity when one partner is in the military and I understand why. It gets lonely as hell at home. You got to understand that it's also very lonely for him or her, whoever is away

UniquelyBasic · Answer

If I was in the army and was seeing someone while I was in their and knew we wouldn't be seeing eachother often, I would either call it off. Its not fair to hold her hostage and deprive her of companionship because I want her for myself when I eventually come home.

Miristheiss · Answer

I'm a guy but this is simple. DO NOT date someone in the military.
I would never date someone long term who is in the military. If my wife enlisted and signed her freedom over to the military and doomed us to a long distance relationship, the government shipping her all over the planet, telling me and can only see her a few weeks here and there per YEAR. Hell no.
Divorce.
Do not even go down this road. If they enlist... BREAK UP!!!

Waldoe · Answer

it's easier if you are married, then you can travel to every duty station he is assigned to. I was an "Army Brat"... (a child of an enlisted service member) it was the BEST LIFE EVER... 3 years in each of these places Joplin Missouri, Okinawa Japan, San Diego USA, Heidelberg Germany, Los Angeles Ca. and vacationed in Italy, France, and of course Germany, it was a fun and fascinating childhood. it is only Hard if you let it...

Dinklex3 · Answer

As others said, find a hobby. Make some goals. Accomplish things thay you want to accomplish during that time and support each other.
Be understanding that they can't always be there and unexpected changes may happen.

IMuser · Answer

Marry and have kids. The kids will keep you busy and satisfied (assuming you will find motherhood satisfying).

jasco · Answer

Honestly just stay as faithful as possible. Using as many toys as you can and porn. Otherwise break up with him till he leaves and try and get back together maybe

Anonymous · Answer

The divorce rate among military families Zoe even higher than normal. I think that’s pretty much everything you need to know.

Basically military men shouldn’t be getting married until after they get out and aren’t doing tours anymore.

Iron_Man · Answer

Why don’t you get married so you can actually travel around the world with him instead of waiting at home

clampfan101 · Answer

I’ve dealt with something similar, though not as scary as military. Long story short, I was hanging on by faith.

Fuentes · Answer

You know whats worse marrying someone in the Navy lol those guys or girls are never home barely

FictionalCharacter · Answer

That’s why I don’t date military guys.

Aquariusmystery · Answer

Ngl I’d leave him. I want someone present

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t think I could to it to be honest.

jimmy2 · Answer

That takes a hrad time and a lot of faith

Lohulla · Answer

Being physically abusive

If you were in a relationship with a man who was in the military or the army and you could never really see them, how would you handle that situation?

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If you were in a relationship with a man who was in the military or the army and you could never really see them, how would you handle that situation?

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