Making a highly sensitive but insecure man fall in love?

[Anonymous]

So I have this friends with benefits who is the most emotional and sensetive man I have ever met. He is wonderful! He has been burnt real bad a couple of times before so his confidence is quite low and has some trust issues. I try telling him I REALLY like him but he doesn't really trust me. The thing is, I am not used to interact with men this sensitive and with such a high E. Q that I was wondering if anyone had any advice... It's very well outside my experience and I don't want to hurt him by being to brute or something like that. All advice is greatly appreciated!

[WonderBell99]

Trust cannot be forced. You should gain his trust. Be careful to not breech it. Once trust is broken, it always is. He has already been in a couple of bad relationships - that must have affected his self confidence severely.

- Don’t trigger his negative emotions. When you’re in a relationship, you’re bound to get into a couple of fights with your SO.. that’s normal. BUT you should be careful to not shame him or belittle in any way. Speak your mind, but be polite and let him know that you feel this way and you don’t like what he did etc. don’t be confrontational. Allow him to talk.

What’s the difference between “I know what you did, *his name*. Tell me the truth or I will break up with you” and “Did you do this, *his name*?” The latter enables him to talk. Try to be more understanding. Give him your love and support. A lot of men won’t admit this, but everyone needs emotional support and love. Men love to be showered with love too. Show him you love and understand him by learning what situations, words or actions are triggers for him – and then avoiding them as much as possible.

He is a sensitive man. Sensitive people are more prone to be overwhelmed by intense emotions easily. Tread carefully.

- Give him space when he needs it. A sensitive person needs more time and solitude to process their feelings. Relationships ebb and flow. Being able to feel when your partner needs some “alone time” is one of the most valuable relationship skills there is.

- Communicate your needs clearly. Just because he’s sensitive doesn’t mean that he’s a psychic who can read minds. You have to take responsibility for communicating your needs in a way that he understands. Preferably using words. Simple, direct sentences that start with the words, “I need…” will usually make him perk up and pay attention.

Bottom line, you can’t “make” someone fall in love with you. Feelings can’t be forced. You can provide someone with all the love in the world and they just won’t feel it. That’s life.

[WonderBell99]

Also, don’t rush into anything. Take your time to get to know him.

[UniquelyBasic]

The only person who can fix his trust issues is himself. All you can do is be present and supportive of him but in the end it has to be him who wants to change. This is going to take time so be patient with him. Try starting with little things such as setting up a meetup and coming on time, and over time he will begin to trust you. Repeatedly letting him know you care about him and letting him know your there for him can go a long way. Make sure that your not his only source of help as it will get overwhelming for you and that won't help either of you. If all else fails then suggest him getting professional help.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Being an HSP, I'll give my thoughts. Give him time. HSP (at least me) have to feel comfortable and safe opening up. Once he does, watch out. He might be prone to tell you too much. Just be very careful in the questions you ask him and make sure you're ready for the answers. Because, if he gets a negative reaction from you, it'll leave him more closed off. Trust me, I know this all too well.

If I may ask, how long have you known him?

Feel free to PM me if you have an more specific questions.

[Asker]

Thank you for offering help! I can't DM though as I don't have enough points. But I can maybe ask a few extra questions here... To first answer your question; we haven't known each other that long, a couple of months. But since we the first day we met we have texted every day, and gotten together a few times.
He has shared a lot, a lot of his trauma. And I have tried my best to listen attentively and ask questions without being invasive. I just don't know what I can do to make him understand that I won't be running away.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Just be there for him.

Are you the person that starts with a “p” that asked for a friend request?

[AlwaysBelieving]

Ask away (as long as you don’t mind this being “out in the open”).

You could always tell him “feel free to not answer the question I’m asking you (at this point).” Being an HSP, I know I don’t openly share personal information about myself. He could be the same way. I value people that ask me questions because they rarely do because that might be invasive.

[AndrésC64]

Well, you can't make someone fall in love with you. You can be a good friend and honest and open and forthright with him so that he knows that he can trust you. Take things slowly so as to not push it and scare him off.

[AndrésC64]

I would reiterate honesty. Be honest but not agreeing with everything that he has to say. I personally really like a girl will be honest and tell me when she thinks I'm wrong.

[noohair]

I have trust issues with women. I guess with me it would be, actions speak louder than words. I have heard all the words and they mean nothing to me. I wish I could meet someone like you. All the best.

[SnakeBoop]

you don't.
insecure equals a red flag. you would never be trusted and it would make you miserable.

[Heartache0405]

Probably best for you both if you leave him alone. He will be better off for it and so will you.

[Juxtapose]

Be real with him but don't be a dick about it.

That's really all you need to do.

[Rosie11cok]

Yes.. me.. I have