How do you handle conflict? With a partner, friendship, work, family, etc?
Competing - Value of own issue/goal: High Value of relationship: Low Result: “I win, you lose” Competitors come across as aggressive, autocratic, confrontational and intimidating. "Standing up for your right."
Accommodating - Value of own issue/goal: Low Value relationship: High Result: “I lose, you win” Accommodators set aside their own needs because they want to please others in order to keep the peace.
Avoiding - Value of own issue/goal: Low Value of relationship: Low Result: “I lose, you lose” Avoiders deliberately ignore or withdraw from a conflict rather than face it. Avoiders do not seem to care about their issue or the issues of others. People who avoid the situation hope the problem will go away, resolve itself without their involvement or rely on others to take the responsibility.
Compromising - Value of own issue/goal: Medium Value of relationship: Medium Result: “I win some, you win some” Compromisers are willing to sacrifice some of their goals and persuade others to give up theirs, too–give a little, get a little. Compromise maintains the relationship and can take less time than other methods but resolutions may focus on demands rather than needs or goals.
Collaborating - Value of own issue/goal: High Value of relationship: High Result: “I win, you win” Collaboration generates creative solutions that satisfy all the parties’ concerns and needs. Collaborators identify the underlying concerns, test assumptions and understand the views of others. Collaboration fosters respect, trust and builds relationships. Collaborators address the conflict directly and in a way that expresses willingness for all parties to get what they need.
Competing
Accommodating
Avoiding
Compromising
Collaborating
Depends/Don’t know
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What is your conflict style? How do you handle conflict?
I'm non-confrontational but if I have to I will crush opposition. My greatest move when dealing with work place politics was that "I didn't play politics" and made sure the top brass /knew/ I didn't waste working hours on trivial BS... HOWEVER, on occasion, when another manager would decide to take something personal and come after me or one of my workers... well, let's just say that they got theirs... didn't usually take much time or effort to ensure that they were soon hoisted by their own petard and my fingerprints were no where to be seen, because after all, they were actually guilty of what brought them down...
I'm not proud of what I've done, but somebody had to protect my guys when they were just trying to do their jobs, and I always hated working in that snake pit with people that didn't care how little work they got done as long as they could cause drama and play petty little power games that usually resulted in getting someone who was actually doing their job sacked as a fall guy. Stupid.
Without knowing anything at all about the conflict and what is involved, or who and how many are involved it’s impossible to even give an opinion. What I can offer you is this. There is no simple and single answer to your question. There are times when i am not be able to solve or resolve a conflict and it’s best to accept that reality from the start. The only other lesson I have learnt is to educate yourself in the art of negotiations because it is very, very rare for any conflict to be solved without some amount of give and take.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I find myself to be more of a collaborator but it’s very hard to be with someone who is more competing, it’s like the one you cares least wins, sometimes they don’t even understand that we can both win and your ability to compromised it used against you. It can be really toxic
It depends on the nature of conflict, involved parties and what’s at stake. Within personal relationships I generally collaborate or even accommodate (here relationship and bond is more important than winning). At work, I am not afraid to compete if needed. Most of the time conflicts are emotionally charged and stepping back and focusing on the real problem often helps determine the right approach. But I usually hold my tongue and think twice before I say anything. I have also avoided conflicts that are not worth the time and energy. Sometimes peace of mind is more important than winning to feed one’s ego!! ;)
Obviously collaborating is the best option, but I have a tendency to be either more of an avoider or an accommodator. I typically don't prioritise myself, and I need to get in the habit of doing that more. I'm not saying I should be selfish, but I'm too selfless sometimes. I'm hoping that by being on GaG and offering advice to people that I can form stronger relationships.
None of these. I objectively assess the conflict, hear out each other's point of view and then decide based on whichever argument is more valid.
That being said, I will never accommodate anyone just to avoid or prevent an argument. You don't want to go there with me, I will gladly cut your ass out of my life forever. If I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry; end of story.
It totally depends for me, I can read people pretty good so I usually make a judgment call for what is going to work best for the situation and the type of person I'm talking to.
I'll almost always try to do a compromise first to show I'm willing to have a discussion (which potentially could turn into collaboration) and then if they start trying to play games I'll get to work.
Ultimately I'm a competitor but not in terms of seeking to win. I want to test myself. I respect winners when I lose, and I respect losers when I win. Good sportsmanship is key to me. Competition is the way to forge alliances and find our best friends and lovers as I see it. My wife and I compete all the time.
I might be an oddball that doesn't fit so well. Yet competitor seems the closest. The way I see it is that let's say I disagree with someone and we have a little dispute, like who is the fastest runner and the fastest runner gets to do some job. We can compete to see who is the fastest runner. The first one to the finish line wins. And if they win, I graciously follow their lead. If I win, I expect them to graciously follow mine.
My second way when we can't have a very clear and friendly way to test who is best suited for a task is compromising. But I like to do it as a leader. They follow my lead but I protect them from the consequences.
Well, come to think of it, maybe I'm a competitive collaborator. This is confusing to me a bit. I value the ultimate goals of a collaborator. I just think competition is key sometimes to doing it and compromise as well. One thing I believe firmly is that someone has to lead. I don't believe in headless teamwork. But the leader can just go with someone else's idea whose idea seems best, and his job to get the rest of the team behind it is to protect the team and even the person who came up with the idea from the consequences when the idea backfires. My purpose is to die if someone has to die, so to speak. That's the price I pay for people following my lead and trusting in me to do it.
Family always talk it out il turn it around we be laughing over whatever the matter was I'm cool like that lol! But a stranger we can go old school u want to step outside lol if we already outside and it depends what the conflict over I'll most definitely throw first to end conflict quick as possible lol and if it a female nomatter who u are yeah they automatically win nope nope il fold like a lawn chair il even apologize even if it was not my felt lol.
if I don’t like a comment towards me I’ll start to get aggressive and cause a fight or a huge argument I know I shouldn’t and have tried anger management in the past but doesn’t work so I try to remove myself from the situation but most of the time it doesn’t work 🤷🏼♀️
I'm more of a compromise and collaborator for most circumstances, because I like to hear people out unless they're not trying to listen to me then I'll just flat out ignore them.
Competition in disagreements/conflict is about ego. It's pointless. Collaboration or compromise. Although I don't compromise easily. I am also content to agree to disagree.
Understandable. I was about to make a post about attachment styles later today. It’s interesting you mentioned that. I have an anxious attachment style
