What is your love language? Is your love language what you least received in your childhood?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Examples of the love languages.

I keep hearing that, “your love language is what you least received in your childhood…” Is that true for you?

5 Love Languages

• Acts of service
• Quality time
• Words of affirmation
• Receiving gifts
• Physical touch

It's somewhat true for me. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time.
In my childhood, my dad was never the type to verbally communicate his love and affection to me. He was the type to give gifts or do things for me, which would check off the boxes for gift giving and acts of service. My mom was very keen on physical touch, she would give me hugs all the time. That checks off the box for physical touch...

I noticed as I started relationships, I felt the most loved when my partner would verbally express their love to me, or show me that they enjoy being with me, because that is usually what I lacked from my parents and childhood. I was having a talk with my therapist yesterday and she mentioned how many of her clients also crave what they lacked in their childhood too. Motivated me to ask this question.

[HighlyVolatile]

Mine is physical touch and it's possible I didn't receive that many hugs and things like that with my parents as a kid. That said, I had my share of pets growing up and liked to pet them and cuddle with them as a way to express my love to them.

The second to me is quality time and maybe I lacked that a bit as well. That said, I think I'm just an attentive fun-lover. I feel loved and feel like I'm expressing love when I'm having a great time with a woman who is smiling and laughing together with me.

One interesting thing about your question though is that maybe because my parents divorced and were so busy, they'd try to make up for it a lot with gifts and words of affirmation and acts of service. I'm rather allergic to those and maybe because they showered me with compliments and gifts to try to make up for the lack of time they could spend with me.

I ceased to place much value in words and gifts and possibly with that being a contributing factor. I loved hugs and laughter instead.

[HighlyVolatile]

I think in my case, it's not so much that I was lacking physical touch and quality time as a child so much as I was saturated by the other three to the point where I found them obnoxious, especially gifts and words of affirmation.

It's like my parents would shower me with compliments, and say I'm so amazing, so wonderful to them, but they didn't seem to act like it. And they'd buy me gifts but that seemed like a convenient way to make up for the time they didn't spend with me. So especially those two are just something I came to distrust as a sign of love.

That leaves acts of service and I think acts of service are a unique case. I'm a little bit allergic to it simply because I'm stubbornly independent. I appreciate it but my feeling is like, "You don't need to do that for me. I take care of you and protect you and do nice things for you; you don't need to do that for me."

[Anonymous]

I’d say my biggest 1 would be words of affirmation.
My parents were narcissistic and never showed me anything I circled off. Barely actually. I feel like hearing supportive/ encouraging words from my loved one would make me feel safe and happy if that makes any sense… i don’t necessarily mean like him saying “I love you” every single minute of the day but for example I’m having a rough day and I feel super depressed about something maybe things didn’t go so well at my new job who knows right? I’d appreciate him saying things like “things will get better day by day babe don’t worry about today, it was only your first day. You did your best that’s all that matters” followed with a big hug and a kiss from him. You know? And my parents weren’t really like that they were the type to be like “well maybe you should have done better” or “maybe you shouldn’t have done this” basically making me feel worse about the situation and in their head it’s like “yea I did something 😇”.


So I think it’s true that our childhood trauma is the one that gives us our love language, at least for me.

[Opinion Owner]

My parents have always been so distant with me yet so close. Everytime I would try and hug my father he would pull me off of him and say “I’m busy”, he’s neglected me so many times and the 1 time he wants to show any physical affection like hugging or a Pat on the head I feel so uncomfortable because i grew up knowing that version of my father. My mother was affectionate only when it was convenient to her, for example if I did what she wanted she’d hug me or something but if I was showing the slightest bit of flaw she wouldn’t even look at me or hug me or anything, I grew up watching her show all of her favoritism towards my brother (whether she pretends she never did or not). I grew up feeling like I’d always have to be my best behave my best not enjoy my childhood or teenage years like going to birthday parties or hanging out with friends going to the movies with friends or even a guy friend because they didn’t want me to, so now as a grown up since it was so engraved in me I’m now an introvert and they complain about me not wanting to go out anymore. They would pressure me so much growing up and till this day actually to be a perfect daughter and I’m so tired of it because all I receive is more pressure more criticism more neglect from them. And everytime I try moving out or going away for a while they harass me with phone calls (it’s literally so scary) or harass who I am with with phone calls making them feel scared because they either say “where is she? She hasn’t been calling us for days” so they feel obligated to hand me the phone. Y’all I’m 20 almost 21 I’ve tried talking to them about giving me my space even though I’m a grown woman, and they just don’t give it. Anyways, I have crazy stories about their abusive-ness too, like for example my father would get blinded by his anger and he’d choke me out hit me and leave red marks and bruises on me, he’d get passive aggressive for the smallest things that I’d do. Ahh what a life I’ve lived.

[Seinna]

For me it's acts of service.

The one I received the least from my parents is words of affirmation which I also don't need (though I need it to be said once so I know where we stand) and to a lesser extent quality time and physical touch. The last two are important as well but it's more like they're a requirement to have a relationship, they don't make me feel loved the same way as I do when he offers to do the dishes lol.

I don't care and often dislike gifts unless I specifically want something and would otherwise get it myself. I always think we could have spent the money on something more practical that will benefit us both in the long run.

[Red_Dawn123]

Hmm. What an interesting question and theory. For me, Romantically speaking, Physical touch is my primary Love Language. Then quality time. My mother or father were never really there when I was growing up and when mom was there, she was to messed up on drugs to be affectionate, physically or otherwise. Father was just not there. Ever. Maybe that had an effect. But as for platonic love language, I would say acts of service. And Words of affirmation. Actions speak louder than words and I always prefer the words to back up the actions.

[Apple1996]

My love language is physical touch. Least as a child was probably gifts. I hate receiving gifts so this isn't true for me

[gabby100]

Yes, i can see what you mean.
My parents were very loving, both loved to cuddle, i could chat to them if i had any problems. My was great , he was a bear of a man, but tender. I use to help or sometimes hinder when he was working on something , usually his car.
As i grew up and started dating , i thought all guys were like dad, sadly no. Even down to the guy i married.
I was so surprised how he changed , with in days of getting married. The number of gfs he has had , i dont know. He is good in bed, maybe i didn't do it for him , so he tried to find another woman.
So that was the end of that, now i date the girls more than guys, nothing new..

[TheBootyChest]

Mine is...
Physical Touch, Quality Time (tied with) Acts of Service, and then Words of Affirmation, and last Receiving Gifts.

I never really asked myself if I didn't get that much as a kid, but it's definitely true to think about it now.

My therapist also told me that we show others the love language we WANT and not what the other person NEEDS!!!

[DizzyDesii]

Mine is words of affirmation. And no i received lots of the all of the above when younger. However, I’m not big on physical touch, acts of service nor gifts. Without words of affirmation and quality time, the relationship wouldn't stand a chance for me

[Aerissa_Jade]

Physical Touch
37%
Quality Time
33%
Acts of Service
17%
Words of Affirmation
10%
Receiving Gifts
3%

Good question, love it... when it comes around every so often. What is your primary love language

[Kkstarzz96]

Mine was words of affirmation and I was loved as a child but I remember when I was advancing in school and started getting bad grades or maybe my peers wouldn't invite me to be their friend without struggling, I found that I wish someone would encourage me that it wasn't just me or because it's me thats why it's not working. So whenever someone tells me there's something right with me, it's like the holy grail of blessings and i eat it up like my last meal

[Kkstarzz96]

My next highest was acts of service and this cause as I got older I was confused where all the responsibilities were coming from just because of my age it doesn't mean i know how to do everything, so when someone helps me or does something to help without telling me hey I did this for you so it's easier, it means a lot to me. Basically I have a low self esteem when I struggle with anything. I would love if someone truly believed in me and invested in me, who weren't my family cause they are obligated to with morals lol

[Yucy_Gluttony]

Physical touch. Hugs. I. Need. Hugs. It is such a stress relief, it is so simple but so intimate!
Can I have you in my arms and forget about everything around us? Have your head rest on my lap and play with your hair? Can I hold you hostage in bed where it's just us, FEWD and movies?

[Sam_The_Savage]

You want hugs?

[Yucy_Gluttony]

@Sam_The_Savage I WANT HUGS

[beebella]

Acts of service and maybe physical touch. There are some people that I'm not comfortable being affectionate with (like my parents), so if I'm openly hugging/cuddling or showing you some other form of physical affection, then I must be really comfortable with you.

[HawkPerception]

My love languages are in this order:

Quality time (I guess I was missing this in my childhood a little lol)

Physical touch (What person doesn't feel loved from someone being comfortable enough to touch them?)

Words of affirmation (I have insecurities... what can I say?)

Acts of service (Sure cook some food for me 😂)

Gifts (Means almost nothing to me... if anything makes me a little awkward haha)

[Anonymous]

My love language is quality time. I was raised in a very loving environment and got all the affection I could ever need. They suffocate me with compliments, gifts, hugs, and family vacations. They always go out of their way for me no matter what I need. I am truly blessed.

[Kaneki05]

I had all of them. So... none if were gonna by what you received the least of.
If were just going by what I like now, well hugging and cuddling is my main thing. I don't like it with anyone but a girl I could be interested in or am.

[hahahmm]

Almost all of that is just stuff the con artist tells the person who foolishly gives them cash. But if you know the deal... and you budget properly.. it's all good.

[melaniee789456123]

My love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. I guess my love languages are sort of what I least received in my childhood but also just preference.

[Passionfruit03]

Acts of service, quality time, and physical touch combined. Acts of service is the strongest for me. I love when anyone, not just my SO, does things for me because they want to help me out. I’m guessing in my childhood I haven’t received much assistance, and whenever I receive it it’s very much appreciated and remembered.

[petitedollbabee]

My main love language is physical touch, but I don’t think that relates to my childhood. It was more my teen years that I didn’t get my needs met in terms of affection from my parents.

[Squaresquirrel]

Wow, your question is really on point.
My love language is quality time and physical touch as second, which I didn't receive in my childhood.
Hmmm. Interesting.

[melanieeeB]

Physical touch and quality time and yeah I would say I didn't receive them much, but I haven't received any of those 5 I was left alone most of the time

[Anonymous]

Tbh all of them. I have many issues with my parents and well I never really received much of any of them, gifts yes but only from family really. It would be nice to get even the most simple gift on a birthday I would love. The main ones for me tho is physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time.

[lightbulb27]

hadn't thought of that, very possible it's that which I lacked. As well though, what I saw demonstrated. Its a combo.

I'll keep it to myself:)

[dorksided1]

I didn't get any of those things growing up my childhood was hmmm, abusive, traumatic, chaotic but as an adult I am the opposite of what I grew up in