Using "If you want we can break up" is a threat or insecurity sign?

[Anonymous]

Everytime something a person doewnt like happens
This phrase appears. It can be lost phone call, comment about "we need to talk"Anythin that he doewnt want to confront
For me it soynds childish, because if he really wanted to break up he would do it and wouldn't text me everyday

[TheMajesticKing777]

Obviously he doesn't want too but I feel like saying that just gives the other person too much leverage and I wouldn't see why anyone would say that, maybe they just want a clear answer

[Asker]

He obviously doesn't want to what?

[TheMajesticKing777]

Break up, what are you on? 😂

[Asker]

Clear answer to if i wanna break up?
Well i dont and he knows
Like he told me that 10 minutes after sending me a kiss and saying "have a great day, dear"
And 1 day after i told him i love and support him. Pretty obvious i dont wanna break up
But him asking me that everytime i say something he doesn't like to hear is like a "dont ask me uncomfortable things, i dont want to face reality and be responsable to the point if you want lets finish this"
Could be the case?🤔

[Asker]

What?
Break up why?

[TheMajesticKing777]

Doesn't matter, you should just tell him that he shouldn't be mentioning breaking up when it was obviously not on the table in the first place, confront him about it, I feel like you have the right to mention that it bothers you cause it can definitely create assumptions, next time he does it ask him if he wants to break up, after receiving your answer which it's most likely no, then you confront him how it makes you feel, it's only just extremely pointless to say that if none of you want to break up, perhaps it can be a form of insecurity but still

[Asker]

Maybe you are right and its insecurityy, like crazy damn insecurity...
One i was in the shower with wet hands and didn't oick up the phine at time
Then tried to call back he refused my call
I text him"whats wrong?"
He is like"nothing is wring with Me... Bye. i dont understsnd you.
If you want we can break up i dont want no games"
... i was like... i just was... in the shower...

[Asker]

And last ime u said
I wanna meet to talk with heim
He entered panic mode
Has some fear to talk to me maybe thinks i want to break up with him or what
Because i dont understand this reaction at all

[TheMajesticKing777]

I don't get it either, it seems like a fear he has of breaking up with him, either ways tho he should get that under control and he won't unless you confront him about it, make sure to clarify you don't want to break up with him cause he is most likely going to throw it at you again when you confront him about it lol

Clarify you don't want to break up with him but you want to know if y'all stand on the same boat because from the way he always finds a way to mention it, he is giving you the idea that he wants to break up, hopefully he will understand your point and notice he is self sabotaging his relationship.

[Asker]

But he throws this at me at times when i say something he doesn't want to hear
(the shower situation was totally surreal to me)
He doesn't like when i mention his problems (drugs and others) he needs to resolve, he hides from problems and makes them even bigger
I say it to him and he hates it
When we started dating we decided to keep it in secret first
And when one common friend joked about me and him it was suspicious to me
I asked him "did you mention that we date to Fred?"
He was no i didn't!! i dont want no preassure... if you want we can stop all this, i dont want no stress"
He always says he doesn't want any stress when i just asked a simple question, not aggressive, not attacking. just simple normal question a girl you date can ask.

[TheMajesticKing777]

I honestly feel like maybe he doesn't want to date from how it sounds, either that or he only wants the good parts of a relationship and obviously that isn't fair to you cause he doesn't even want to settle problems, he wants to coward out of them cause it's more comfortable to him, there's no way around it and you have to confront him about it, without any form of communication with problems or misunderstandings there's no way to properly keep the relationship healthy cause there's no communication, this relationship won't last if he can't learn to communicate and talk through the difficult times in a relationship, you still gotta tell him even if cowards out cause at the end of the day, the relationship is doomed if he can't get his shit together, you will unhappy, he isn't putting himself in your shoes and instead of solving the problems he avoids them and ignores them or completely goes around them, where does that leave you?

[Asker]

We are together for 1 year
We have been through a lot
He always was hard to talk about problems
I also thoyght that he only wants the good parts not when i mention something is bothering me

[TheMajesticKing777]

You have to make it clear to him that the way he behaves with you makes you unhappy, I'm sure he can put the pieces together that eventually this can ruin a relationship.

[Asker]

When he had leg injury i was insisting to go see a therapist
He was just bitching about it being too expesive, that doctors are not good enough, that he can't leave work... i mean 10000 excuses not to go to a therapist and keep suffering
When i called him to talk about a doctor i found for him he again started saying all this stuff to me
Then nearly shouted : ok ok ill do what yiu want ill go there just shut up already
... i was in shock
And i was doing it for him trying to help him actually

[TheMajesticKing777]

He's such a dick 😂

It's kinda funny, he sounds like a handful, that's for sure, he probably didn't get enough whoopings as a child but he definitely sounds like a negative Nancy, so if you stop caring about him, will he bitch about that too? 🤣

[Asker]

I know... i told him i want to talk because i see something is botbering him he is unhapoy i want to know what it is why this something bad affects him so much to the point he doesn't want to talk or see me
He said there is no rush we will talk...🤷🏽‍♀️

[Asker]

Im sure he will. He will be bitching about "why you left me"
You know he reminds me of a little kid that tells parents to leave the house and go live alone just because he got scolded

[Asker]

by the way... his favourite is:we always hurt most the ones we love
Im like... i dont agree with that

[TheMajesticKing777]

y'all both sound unhappy in this relationship, I also feel like you shouldn't be the one that becomes the dumpee cause you don't deserve to be dumped, you should be the one to break it off at some point, I'm sure when you have had enough it will happen cause he isn't really being there for you and he doesn't really let you be there for him so where does that leave both of you, there'd clearly a wall or barrier between the both of you that he has created, I'm sure you can find better at that point

[Asker]

I wabt to wait a week
Maybe next weekend ill leave him

[TheMajesticKing777]

That is all up to you, you do what you want when you feel like it, after all it's your life and your time

[Asker]

We had crisi like this before when his mom died
On thirday he had huge fight with his brother who is horrible
I think it affeaced him
He is losing it again due to stress
Because when he is happy we are both happy

[TheMajesticKing777]

It's why you should try your hardest to fix the problem, he simply has to start thinking of you as well, it can't just be one sided, he has to listen, tell him and don't let him shun you again because he either listens to you and fixes the problem or ignores you and watch the relationship go to shit cause at this point you really have nothing to lose, it's the same result, unless you try changing the story and try your best to get a different result but at the end, its all up to him cause you already put in your part everyday I'm sure, at least if y'all break up, you know you tried your hardest and the problem wasn't you, it was just him.

[Asker]

I want to
But he is not talking with me

[TheMajesticKing777]

I'm sure eventually he will respond, either ways I wish you the best in this situation and hope y'all can work things out, if not then I I you the best on your journey of love, ima head to bed, my brain has to recharge lol

[TheMajesticKing777]

Wish*

[Asker]

Thanks
Lol go rechard after just reading me
Imaging dating That🤣🤣

[TheMajesticKing777]

it was after reading a lot on here, my brain lasted long tho lol

[Asker]

We women are so fucking stupid
Always falling in love with total jerks

[TheMajesticKing777]

Well lucky for you it's possible to get over people like jerks, it's not your fault unless there was signs before getting together and you ignored them and even then, it's not completely your fault 🙃

[Asker]

I didn't knew

[TheMajesticKing777]

I wouldn't expect you to

[TallAnon]

That's called an ultimatum. His way or the highway. That's all there is to it. He doesn't want to meet halfway, he would rather call it quits.

[Asker]

He for real wants to break up?
So afraid to talk to me?
I just im worried about him thats why i wanted to talk

[TallAnon]

I don't know about you, but I don't say those kind of things lightly.

[Asker]

Once he said it because i didn't puck up the phone, because i was in the shower
So i didn't hear it
Saw his los calls and messages saying "if you are tired of me lets break up i dont want any games"
I said... i was in the shower didn't hear the phone

[Asker]

Now i just said
I see you are worried and depressed lately, dont want to meet me and i see somethung is worrying you.
When will we meet to talk?"
He exploded with :"can't meet now , doesn't know what to say and if i want we can break up"

[Asker]

*If you want

[TallAnon]

Ugh, that reminds me of a clingy girl I knew, she messaged me something like "Are you talking to other girls now? Maybe I'm just not worth the effort, I guess you don't like me".. I was in the underground, without phone connection for 20 minutes on my way to work.
Major red flag.

[TallAnon]

I would at that point put down your own ultimatum, "Talk to me about what's going on tonight or I will consider it"

[Asker]

Well... he told he was depressed a lot these week, his mom died this winter and his brother said smth bad about her. He was suffering and angry.
I asked him totally calmly maybe i could cheer him up and make him forget all the bad stuff, you know
Hey will we meet this weekend?
He was like:i can't
Im like:why not? but can we meet to talk about some things?
Here is when he explodes with all of that saying if i want we can break up

All this just 9 fucking minutes after his giggling voice message and kisses and wishing me good day

[TallAnon]

Sounds like he's in a bad place right now, up to you to decide if you want to wait for him to figure himself out.

[TallAnon]

Do note that this can create a pattern, if this is how he deals with his emotions, that could be trouble in the long run.

[Asker]

We are 1 years together
Im tired handling his mood changes
But i love him
He is always busy for me
He says, at least before he told me that he doesn't wqnt spend time with me when he feels bad

[TallAnon]

It sounds like he's too immature for you. He's just throwing a tantrum.

[Asker]

He is 9 years older than me🤣

[TallAnon]

Doesn't mean shit 😂😂

[Asker]

But he ignores me
I wanna talk because im worried whats going on with him
And he threatens to break up just because i said i wanna talk
Why this tantrum?

[TallAnon]

Because he doesn't know how to handle his emotions and you're an easy outlet.

[Asker]

Did i tell you he has drugs problems? crack😥😭.
Once i said: i was calling you, you didn't answer me.
He was like:i did something you dont want me to do...
I was like:what? did you smoke..."the thing" again?
He was like:well if you called me earlier and came to my house and stayed with me maybe i wouldn't do it and you would save me that day"

... this was so surreal and shocking.
This happened 2 month ago.
Iwhat the hell was it?

[TallAnon]

Sounds like he's generally someone you should stay away from.

[Asker]

Why
I fell in love with his good side
I talk here only abiyt bad stuff
But he has good stuff too in him
80%good
20%bad wbat i talk abiut here

[TallAnon]

Ah yes, the only bad sides is that he's immature, emotionally unstable and does illegal hard drugs. Besides that I'm sure he's a delight.

[Asker]

Lol...🙄

[TallAnon]

No rose tinted goggles here

[Asker]

Im not in a rose goggles
I know he has major issues

[EdwinLivingstonn]

Lol my girlfriend does the same and that's her kiddish way to convey that I did something wrong.

[Asker]

And when she does it? What in her opinion you did wrong?
In my case i just asked to meet and talk

[EdwinLivingstonn]

It varies lol. Once I told her to close the door slowly and she said this :)

[Asker]

Lol wtf
And what she said? i won't close it slowly
If you keep telling how to close doors ill break up with you?

[EdwinLivingstonn]

Lol. She said i was rude and I'm not gonna touch your door anymore 😌