What do you think he’ll think of me?

[Graci_e]

I used to have a thing with my mums best friends son. I haven’t hung out with him for almost 2 years (since I was 14 and he was 15) but I see his mum every week.

This guy was lovely. He was respectful, kind, caring, mature, gentle, smart, protective - a gentleman. I had been going through a tough time (sexual abuse) and this was the first guy I had ever properly like. Around him I was shy, awkward, self conscious, clumsy and nervous. I made a real fool out of myself, I was entirely immature and silly. I even dressed like such a little girl.

He ended up liking someone else (he respectfully told me) and I threw a bit of a tantrum out of hurt. I had just turned 14 and I didn’t understand how to deal with situations like that. I also have Aspergers and struggle with social situations at times.

I’ve grown up a lot. His mum was telling me the other day how I grown up I am and how proud she is of me. I respect myself more, I’m more confident, not so shy around boys and I feel like I’ve matured.

Okay now to get to the point. That guy was the nicest to me a guy has been, no ones made me feel that safe (I have had abuse grown men in my life). I was devastated when our thing ended (we never actually dated) and I hoped that when we were older, we could try again. I’ve never really hung onto that thought though.

I’m wondering when he comes over for dinner, after not seeing him for 2 years, what he’ll think of me. If you were a guy that hasn’t seen a girl since she was 14 (and in her cringy stage) and saw her after she had gotten older, what would you think? He’s almost 18 now and I turned 16 a few months ago.

[razelove]

I think you're going to have to overturn that image of being best buds, and one of the guys to being a girl first. You throwing a tantrum over him liking another girl likely got remembered as "throwing a tantrum over liking a girl" and further cemented you in as one of the guys.

Everyone is awkward during puberty, so don't even worry about that, shake it off, and don't let it rain on your parade. You have two goals, to appear more feminine around him, and to stay at ease, whether it be conversing, or simply spending time with each other.

It sounds like you've been through some damage, and you probably love this guy rather than simply like him. You talk to his mom, and it sounds like you follow him around some, borderline stalking. You're trying to wife him up. He needs to see you as a woman first, then decrease the distance and increase the frequency of seeing each other. That simple.

If it doesn't work now, it will happen at some point, be patient, be comfortable to spend time with. Be honest with each other, you'll get that sweet sweet P in V action going on with words like love flying around.

I recommend working in slow and comfortable to eliminate puppy love. There is super intense love most people get at the beginning of relationships lasting from a couple days to a couple months, then it's like snap, hypnosis is undone, why are you worshipping this lazy hippy? Get the hell away from this woman! When you ease into it, even if you are getting kind of intense, as long as you have causality linking to why, how, and when things became that way instead of "just happened" they won't run away immediately when the puppy love wears off. Share experiences, spend time together in places besides the couch and bed.

You'll be fine, and stop being so down on yourself. You've been through a lot of abuse, but you can still stay positive, and can love, that's a big deal.

[Graci_e]

Why are you telling me to be more feminine and not act like one of the guys? I barely hang out with guys. Sorry I’m just super confused.

[razelove]

Well, you weren't dating, you hung out, and he went after other women. Eh, nevermind, you wrote he's 17? Just dress in something slightly revealing, be cool, actually tell him about how you used to like him, and think MAYBE you still do. Go from there, practice in the mirror or whatever image training you need to do so you won't be a nervous wreck.

You don't know how to deal with all situations, and you can't know how to deal with one you've never had before. All you can do is be confident no matter what happens, and try for the things you want rather than hope they come to you.

[Graci_e]

We were hanging out as if were gonna date. We hung out for two months and he was my first kiss, he held my hand, put his arm around my waist, etc.. We watched movies together and even fell asleep in bed together for the night while watching a movie. It wasn’t just hanging out.

I’m probably not gonna wear something revealing just to get his attention, I’m not that desperate haha.

I’m definitely much more confident now. If he’s interested in me, he’s interested in me and I’m not going to try too hard to influence that. I’ll just be myself.

My question more was what he might think of me, not how I can win him.

[razelove]

Oh, hmm, well, no way to know that until you see each other again. Likely you've both changed a lot as most people do very quickly that young.

[ChrisMaster69]

It sounds like you have a crush on him still.

however yes he is likely to notice you, especially the confidence.

it can be hard to adjust to seeing someone become older, so given him a chance to adapt.

Also try and relax around him.

just be your normal self.

but also be prepared for him to just ‘oh hi’ rather than all enthusiastic, these things are always hard to call.

[Graci_e]

I think I’ve always had a slight crush on him still, nothing too heavy though. He’s just extremely sweet.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Graci_e just take it easy and be yourself though, also people do change a lot in 2 years when teens.

[Graci_e]

Yeah they do, I’ve definitely changed a lot. I’m really curious about seeing him again cause I’m sure he’s changed quite a bit too.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Graci_e well good luck

[Graci_e]

Thank you :)

[ChrisMaster69]

@Graci_e thanks for MHG, most appreciated

[Graci_e]

It’s okay :)

[Whatever2929292]

Yea I am really sorry about that. From the question this seems like he was really something special and it was pure and innocent and you really saw a future together but I guess he found someone else at least at that point in time

I am sure it hurt and I am sure that it felt like being rejected and that you had all this going just to end it like that. Maybe you were wrong for throwing a fit but I can tell that you feel bad for doing it and know looking back that it was not the best way to handle it.

But, I can't imagine the flood of emotions all at once. You also really do seem like you have grown up you seem very wise and super intelligent. I can't read his mind and know what he will think.

But I am sure he at least cares about you even if he had found someone else. I am sure that he still at the very least cares about you as a human being. I am sure he has grown up a lot too.

He seems like such a nice person. I feel horrible for you about all this abuse but you are a really strong person

[Graci_e]

The thing about that girl he apparently liked, I’ve thought about it heaps and the way he acted and the fact he never actually dated her. I think it was just an excuse because he didn’t know how to tell me how he felt. He didn’t know how to tell me how confused he was.

He said the next time I saw him that he didn’t actually want to date anyone and he didn’t really like her. He also said a reason was because he wanted to go to school abroad in America for a year, which he never did. So he was just confused.

I hope he still cares about me in some way. He did afterwards when I’d message him about things, he even reverted back to how he used to get protective of me.

Thank you

[Whatever2929292]

Graci_e you might be right about that and you're welcome

[ohshee]

You sound like a sweet heart
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up so fast but leave me it will become a time where you wish that you wouldn't that enjoy every situation that you were in I think you should head it's not always all about you remember this we get to choose who we want to be in life by the things that we say and do girls mature faster than guys girls are wiser than guys at your age but don't be in such a rush Life Is Life there's 150 billion guys out there all of them would like to be with you learn from your mistakes try to experience as much as you can to understand it but don't go overboard I can't stress this enough don't be in such a hurry to prove Who You Are heard that you have matured in the long run that doesn't matter what matters is you are being you and you are being happy but you got to be smart about it

[TNTitlebelt]

I can't say what he'll do. I'm not him, nor am I no longer an 18 year old man but, if I was 18 and I saw a 16 year old girl for the first time in 2 years, I'd be like, Eh, I'm 18, she's 16, while it may be legal here in my state, it's probably not a good idea to affiliate with her until she's at least 18

But, that's just me

Hey, would you follow me back, please?

[Anonymous]

You were mad at him for getting a girlfriend when you were in a relationship yourself? That doesn’t make sense. I think you are too young for relationships. You still have growing up to do. And since he’s 18 the society would call him a pedophile for messing with you. Not to mention if anything happened between you and him it would hurt your moms friendship. I think you should leave him alone, even if he’s a good guy, or at least wait another 2 years when you get 18 years old.

[Graci_e]

I wasn’t in a relationship. Him and I were hanging out and dating (not in a proper relationship), until he decided he liked someone else and had to pick, so I threw a tantrum (this was 2 years ago). Now I would tell him to have her cause I’m not gonna be a choose between, and leave everything at that. That’s how I should have acted then but I was very naive and not good with boys. He was the first guy I liked.

Where I live, it’s considered pretty normal for a 16 and an 18yr old to date, it’s only a two years difference. So there would be no problems there and it wouldn’t be predatory.

Things have happened between us before and it hasn’t hurt our mums friendship, I don’t think they would let our problems influence their relationship. They would be there for us and still remain close.

I can see how my question could have been misinterpreted, but I was more asking what he might likely think of me seeing me again. Not necessarily to date him, just what he might think of me now.

Thanks for your advice :)

[mark000h]

I'm sure he'll be glad to see you again.

[JadeSkywlker04]

I am sure he will be happy to see you!

[Danny_dan92]

You’re 15. Calm down

[Graci_e]

I’m 16 and completely calm

[Danny_dan92]

Ok. Calm down

[SignedAutographs]

You're 15, right?

[Graci_e]

I’m 16

[SignedAutographs]

Why's it say 15?

[Graci_e]

I’m not sure, I’ve had problems with the age on my past accounts but I’m definitely 16 haha

[SignedAutographs]

Should make a new one then, and make sure it's 16

[Graci_e]

It’s not that big of a deal

[SignedAutographs]

Yes, it is