Why can most of us have both attractive and family oriented guy?

[Anonymous]

Many years ago (in my grandparents' time) that could be found. They girl could form a family with a man that she was attracted to (he rocked her world), fell in love and got married.

Nowadays it's like things have been divided into two categories:
- He's very attactive and you fall in love but he'll never marry you nor have kids with you. He's a cad type, changing girl after girl, keeping a collection of eternal live-in gfs.
- He's family oriented and reserved that won't waste the girl's time. He actually does marry her and is decent but the woman isn't really in love with him. He's her safe option though.

Why is it hard to find a man that fits both categories; he's attractive and rocks your world but is also family-oriented and will have kids with you?

Updates

1 y

Obviously I would go for option 2 if don't want to get string along nor lovebomed with false promises. But still... it would suck being in that position of not being excited about the intimacy part.

[ScoobyNECBir]

We live in a world of instant gratification. It is very very easy to replace people. Back in your Grandparents era there was “delayed gratification”. It was not so easy to replace people you would have to speak to people you met in person. On tinder a lot of women have an abundance of men to choose from. Same with guys. There was no such thing as social media or these dating apps back in the day.

People are now very picky, don’t know what they want. unrealistic expectations or in love with the idea of being in love. Or just simply not willing to put in the effort with one person because they can get instant gratification from tinder. It’s a messed up world which we live in and I have had my fair share to date. And I do feel the dating apps and social media mean that I recently date girls and it never lasts because people are just so easily replaceable. In my opinion world would be a much better place without the dating apps and social media. They are fantastic and have a lot of pros don’t get me wrong but the negatives are also there also.

[Sixgunsound]

Two reasons: hypergamy and feminism. Women tend, for reasons of evolutionary biology, to pursue the resourced cad type who knows he has options and that he has his pick of women to have sex with because society tells women give a man sex he will give you resources and marry you-not true at all! He has no incentive to pick one because younger fitter more attractive women who don’t have the life experience to know he’s just using them fit free sex keep throwing their bodies at him hoping he will pick them. I hate to break it to you ladies but David Letterman became a father at 80 years old but it took an act of God for Sarah to have Isaac’s child at 82. Cads have their entire life to choose to get someone pregnant, but it doesn’t work the same on the other side. Feminists tell women that they can always get pregnant later, even offering to freeze eggs as a means of putting off settling down during the decade of riding the ‘carousel’. The quality men who will stay with you to raise your child are all locked down in their 20’s by women who see feminist lies for what they are. So yes, there are good men out there, but your smarter more observant more emotionally stable and personally secure sisters accepted a ring from them while your nose was achieving a low earth orbit at the very thought of settling for poindexter who probably manages his IT department by now making six figures and his wife doesn’t have to work. It’s not an issue of fairness, it’s an issue of independent thought and empirical observation. Even Betty Friedan recanted and married before it was too late.

[Sixgunsound]

Thanks for MHO

[HighValue]

I am attractive, big, strong, loyal, never have casual sex, and family oriented, but then I have higher standards and won't accept the very low quality of most women that are not attractive, have an unacceptable past, incompatible morals, or that have any contact with an ex, so I stay single. Plus she would have to agree to a prenuptial agreement. Not accepting that is just admitting she plans to be an abusive thief.

What exactly do YOU bring to a relationship that would make you a desirable mate to a good guy for long term?

[caring__1]

Attraction that has enduring value is what grows over time. Immediate attraction is generally lust over specific features, and that rarely lasts. If you feel smart, you'll look smart; if you feel sexy, you'll look sexy; if you feel loved, you'll look beautiful. How we look changes depending on what we're doing and how we're feeling about it. It's not what you have but how you use what you have that makes the moment special. Yes, everyone does deserve to be loved as they are, but for every type of person, there are people who are drawn to that type of person. You never want someone who has to fantasize about others in order to be intimate with you. This may just be an issue of where you are looking, or it could be you're prioritizing superficial aspects when determining attractiveness. Putting forth a legitimate effort will be more attractive than any plastic perfection.

[Jamie05rhs]

Because most hot guys aren't family-oriented any more.

You know why?
Because they don't have to be.

Women are "sexually liberated" now, so an attractive man can have sex whenever he wants. There's always a female willing to say Yes.

Girls just don't care anymore. They don't value chastity, so letting a guy in their pants is NBD.

The game has changed.

[BarryLiverstone]

Part of the reason why is that some family guys like me feel scared to be authentic and let out our aggressive desires sometimes. This is a result of lots of feedback how the cads and players hit it and quit. So as society has moved we often are more reserved until the relationship develops. Does that make sense?

[Jamie05rhs]

^THIS 💯

[Waldoe]

look within... your priorities are messed up. You find the "exterior" appearance to be more valuable than the "interior' qualities... Grow Up, then you might find a Good man that might look at you twice, Best of Luck

[Asker]

If you read my update, I did go for the interior. If those were the only two men availabe; either great sex but no marriage or no sexual attraction but marriage, I'm going for no attraction but marriage. I'm just saying it would be great to have both exterior and interior qualities. Why can a woman have both worlds?

[Sixgunsound]

Because just like the perfect woman doesn’t exist neither does the perfect man. I’ll spare you the psychological formation research but suffice it to say that the vast majority of men tend to optimize their skill sets around the strategy they think will get them the greatest reproductive sexcess, whether that is committed monogamy or spreading the seed as far as it will fly and hoping one gets planted and survives. Half measures are taken by very few human beings, I. e. developing both skills sets but becoming an expert in neither; these tend to be the top 1% of men in terms of desirability for women however, as they are a chameleon who can change themselves based on what the woman they are trying to get desires. Add a bit of resources and a good looking body and there you have it. It is worth noting also that the desires in a mate that are the most common among all women tend to be qualities associated with other women, (personality, desires, goals, psychological makeup, etc so the average man will never be able to check every box for the average woman. (If the majority of women desired another woman sexually the human species would be doomed, clearly that is not what I meant.)

[Abdulwahh]

I fully understand you but the girl must also be like women of that time then they must truly submit