Why did my boyfriend lie and should I forgive him?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we live together, he tells me he loves me and wants to marry me etc, for the past year I have sufferers from a lot of anxiety due to knowing that there were lies present in the relationship but not being able to put my finger on what it was. He convinced me for a whole year that I had an anxiety disorder and called me crazy when I expressed that I felt like he wasn’t being honest with me about some things, like keeping in touch with women from his past, yet he told me he unfollowed all of the females he used to have an interest in pursuing but would take his Snapchat and instagram off his phone when he was around me. I went to counseling but eventually got so upset I went on his phone to find that he was still friends with a girl he had claims he had a fling with before he met me but she wanted to do a long distance relationship, all of their messages were deleted and he unfriended her 2 months ago around the same time he finally agreed to let me see his insta, then I found out he lied throughout our whole relationship that his friend who he has hung out with about 2 or 3 times while we have been together from what I know. she asked him to leave me for her and he claims he just was being friendly because he wanted to maintain his friendship/ business with her dad but he is the one who reached out to her. He claimed she apologized for asking him to leave me but I just feel so disrespected from all of this, I am an exotic dancer and when I confronted him he used my transparency in what I do for a living to hold over my head and justify what I would consider cheating. I want to forgive him but I’m so hurt by all of this, I asked him how he would feel if I was messaging men I had slept with behinds his back and he just will be dismissive and bring up my work.

Updates

1 y

His response to me is pretty much, I’m sorry but you crossed a line by going through my phone although I shouldn’t have done what I did you are a dancer and I never cheated on you because I didn’t sleep with any of these women while I have been with you and you need to stop digging up the past. Him claiming I’m digging up the past is what I find the most disrespectful of my feelings.

[mark000h]

He lied to you and obviously doesn't respect you by saying that you are a dancer and should be satisfied that he didn't cheat (assuming he didn't). You do lie and manipulate men for money for a living, so you don't hold any moral high ground either. Decide if you can deal with being with a guy who thinks he's doing you a favor by being with you.

[Asker]

I think saying I lie and manipulate men for money is a misconception, I just dance and entertain bachelor parties for the most part I get lonely men that just want conversation but I guess it depends on the club your at

[mark000h]

Well, like you said, it depends. If you're entertainment without leading guys on, that's somewhat different than making horny guys believe you're into them. Like I said, you have to decide if it's enough that he's willing to be with you or if you want something more.

[Asker]

I guess it doesn’t even sound possible to get something more with the job I have based off of what people have to say which is really sad

[mark000h]

Don't you have any self esteem at all? Why do you care what us randoms on the internet think. It only matters what YOU think you deserve.

[Asker]

Well going through this has just made me question so much and my job posing as a issue in relationships has been something on my mind for a very long time I guess this relationship gave me hope in the beginning but it’s proven me wrong

[Asker]

I do have confidence in my self and abilities to be happy and successful on my own but when I comes to a man justifying being able to cheat because my job that’s where I shrink

[mark000h]

Then if it bothers you, find something else and SOMEONE ELSE. Do whatever you need to be happy with yourself.