What does it mean when he doesn't know what he wants?

[Anonymous]

I've been talking to a guy for a few weeks now. He messages me all day everyday and it's very easy to talk to him. We've hit it off on multiple things. I finally asked him what exactly he's looking for so we're for sure on the same page, and he sent two paragraphs saying he's not really sure at the moment. He said he thinks friends is a great start, and that in the last year people have been pushy and it's hurt the friendships because he wasn't ready. I don't know what to make of this. My last relationship was abusive and I shared the bare minimum with him about it. I totally recoiled at this text when I saw "friend" and "friendship" and ended the conversation out of fear. We talked a bit this morning but I feel like I changed things. I really like him and I'm really freaking scared. What did he mean and what can I do?

[spartan55]

The "what are we" text after a few weeks? Ugh... why the big hurry? If it's so important to you it should be discussed IN PERSON. Texting is a highly flawed medium of communication, why would you want to discuss it online?

[Asker]

It wasn't the "what are we" text, it was asking what he's seeking. Being upfront is effective communication. If he's looking for something casual (like many men) I'd rather know from the start so we don't get involved.

[spartan55]

What if he doesn't know yet?

[spartan55]

And discussing it by text is a great way to fail

[Asker]

We text because he's been too busy with work to meet in person. What I don't get is we were really hitting it off. He texted me all day, every day. He sent me a selfie, a video of his cookout, everything. I don't get how we went from that to him only wanting platonic. I don't mean let's be official this minute, I just mean if he isn't attracted to me and I'm like a bro I'd rather know now. We haven't talked all week, and it feels wrong.

[spartan55]

Were you returning the attention he gave?

[Asker]

Yes, I really made an effort. The last conversation we had I said it scared me to feel like we might be on different pages and it could result in hurt. He said to trust him that's the last thing he wants, too. He also asked what I suggest we do. I said I wanted to honestly know if he'd ever wants to even explore things slowly or if it was strictly platonic, and he said if he was completely honest it's strictly platonic for now. Why put for now? That's a clear rejection, I just don't know where we went wrong.

[spartan55]

I don't know how that is a 'clear rejection'.

[Anonymous]

It means you should take things very slowly and see how it goes. And don't be against dating other guys.