How can I deal with my apathetic partner?

[Anonymous]

He seems to lack real motivation in not only going out and doing things with me (I am a very social person and lovely to go and do things) but also in his self care. He binge eats and has a history when he was younger of anxiety and depression.

Right now he says he hasn’t really enjoyed anything at all in life for the past couple of months but he blames money problems and work which I feel like most people have.

I do a lot in the bedroom to make him happy and I feel like he’s always tired and does the least possible. It’s almost like he feels as though he HAS me now and he doesn’t have to keep trying.

The thing is… this is making me unhappy and I’ve spelled it out to him. If I go out alone with friends he is all over me when I come home and says we will go out etc but then he gets comfortable again.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe a break?

[slatyb]

He's not capable of being a partner in a relationship. It's he being treated for depression? Even if he is, you don't owe him your life. If it's not working then end the relationship.

[Asker]

No treatment for depression at all it’s hard because we are engaged

[slatyb]

Don't rush into marriage. If he refuses to seek treatment, you have to end this.

[Asker]

How do I know it’s depression though and not me?

[slatyb]

Because you are behaving in a healthy way -- keeping a job, maintaining the home, seeing friends.

[Asker]

Could he have just gone off of me?

[Asker]

I’m so sorry for all these questions but I’m struggling a lot right now

[slatyb]

"He lacks motivation in self-care." That's a sign of serious depression that has nothing to do with you. If he's blaming you, that's abusive. End this so you can meet someone emotionally healthy. See a counselor to figure out why you have tolerated behavior that would be a deal-breaker for most people.

[mandyfire98]

He needs therapy honestly. But if he doesn't like doing things you do then it means you aren't compatible.

[Asker]

He doesn’t like doing anything at the moment. We’ve always done different things together that he’s enjoyed in the past but it’s like he can’t find happiness in anything now