Do you think a woman without a vulva can find love with a man?

Question

I have vulva cancer, and I am going to have a vulvectomy. (warning if you’re gonna google it it’s graphic so graphic) um it’s a brutal thing to be going through in my early 20s. I still haven’t fully processed this I am just hoping I live at this point. This cancer has a higher survival rate and I am stage 3 so I have hope. But I am going to lose all sexual function. My clitoris is gonna be gone 😢 I’m a virgin I never got to use my vulva and vagina, and now I’m losing the part that matters for pleasure. Do you think I will be able to find a partner? I just don’t think I’ll be enough after this surgery 😔 I already had women who’ve had this (or another cancer like breast cancer) tell me how their husbands left them in the middle of their treatment.. and I feel so bad for them. They didn’t deserve to be left alone at such a hard time in their life. I’m afraid I’ll be romantically alone forever. I know I have more to offer than that part, but I feel like it’ll be like finding a unicorn to find a man that will be truly okay with this part of me. I’ve cried so much over this I can’t even cry anymore. If I make it out of this I hope I can someday find love and be in a relationship

Bubbleicious · Accepted Answer

I am so sorry to read this, my brother had colon cancer at 34 and I know it is a bit different but still getting cancer in your 20s / 30s is very young to get cancer but sadly it goes to show that you can get cancer at any age. At one stage he was told that they thought it might have spread to his lung and calls me up and says 'I think I am f ** ked! He's now had his large intestine removed and he's made a full recovery, ok he goes to the loo a lot more often but it's amazing how the body can adapt and heal itself, my brother is making the most of life now.

Initial thoughts tend to be pessimistic but the reality is that anyone can find someone. Look at that Katie Piper, she had acid burns to her face at a similar age to you yet she managed to turn her life around and find love. She is now happily married. Don't forget there's also men out there that have gone through cancer, living with a disability or struggling with some impairment. Some of these men might also be thinking I will be alone forever because who would want to be with me. Don't forget that you have a lot more to offer someone than just your body. Surely love, kindness and genuine care and an interest in someone is more important.

Graci_e · Accepted Answer

Of course you can find love. I promise with my whole heart that you can. You’re still loveable and wanted. Nothing like this surgery can change that.

I can empathise with how your feeling. I haven’t felt it to the extent you have, but my family has a history of the BRAC1 gene and I have to get genetically tested for it. If I have it, I’ll have to get a mastectomy and my ovaries removed (but not my uterus).

I’ve cried over this countless times. I can get my breasts reconstructed, but I’d lose the ability to breast feed. The children I have would have to be through IVF if I don’t have any before. And all breast tissue will be removed and I’ll have to have implants, possibly my nipples removed.

It’s sickening, scary and heartbreaking.

Like I said before, you’ll be loved just the same. Someone out there will love for who you are and they won’t change you for the world. You’re still so loveable.

Most guys aren’t arseholes. Most guys will still love you and want you either way. You’ll be just fine.

0oMLSo0 · Accepted Answer

Yes there people who dont have problem with this situation but of course depends on various situation for example: where you live, how is your personality or vibes, etc..
if was in your situation i will not wait for people to accept me, ill do the best to live happy because we live once, i know its hard to live alone but you can find good friends.
But dont be slave of your situation trying to live your life find a boyfriend who accept you.
by the way living without thinking of sex is very interesting, personally iam tired of the limitations focusing in my dreams, every weekends i plan to do some project but suddenly find myself wasting my time thinking in masturbate preparing and watching porn and take a shower i burn 2 hrs and the problem after 5 hr i start rethinking of masturbate again omg its CURSE!!
So yeah for me its a gift from god and sex is not everything i can clearly more cons than pros.
Okey anonymous i hope you enjoy your life follow you happiness and dont dry drugs 🤪😅

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Hi Anon,

So sorry for you that you have to deal with this as at a young age. My heart bleeds for you.

In truth I haven't googled because of your warning. I am presuming your vagina will be intact. Now the clitoris has tendrils that wrap around the vagina ie the Gspot/Aspot so whilst it is bad, it might not be quite as bad. I would encourage you to talk about this with your doctors - female ones if possible - and fully exhaust any alternative treatments that might be feasible.

I do think you can still find love and happiness because you do indeed have more to other than that part.

Reach out to people here as you need to to.

kurokohai · Answer

First of, I feel with you and hope, that your procedure will go as smooth as possible.

It's most important to survive a situation like this and take care of your psyche. Seek therapy to help you get over your loss.

There are a lot of men out there, who wouldn't see this as a deal breaker, especially if you first make a romantical bound.

Sex is much more than stimulating private parts, hugs, kisses, stimulating your partner with other intact body parts is also an option.

And sex may not even be off the table in the future, after the healing process is fully done, vaginal stimulation may not be off thr charts at all. And to be honest, a lot of men view vaginal intercourse much more important than outer stimulation anyway.

Don't view your future partners wish for intercourse as the main part of the relationship. Put yourself and your needs first.

Curiouslad123 · Answer

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts your a very strong woman. To answer your question if it’s Gods will you will meet an amazing guy. I would honestly still date you and love you the same I’d support you and do all I can to make you feel good. I couldn’t care less about sex I would just want you to recover. Think about it there are men who have freak accidents and might lose their penis or can’t get an erection and there are stories of women cheating or leaving them. Love should never be about sex it should be about so much more than that. A good guy would support you not leave you.

JessicaEarl · Answer

I am so sorry to hear this. The blunt truth is that your sex life may be a bit more complicated. Without a clitoris you can still be aroused, even to the point of orgasm. You likely won’t via physical stimulation though, unless you get really into nipple play. If you’re really nervous about your vulva, you can get plastic surgery to visually improve it. Otherwise, you need to emotionally prepare yourself for a sex life very focused on giving and appreciating him. Learn to give a lot of oral and manual sex if you can’t have intercourse. Learn intercourse (if you can) without your orgasm. And mentally, get yourself in the zone to have sex. You need to learn to turn yourself on. I often orgasm just while taking off my dudes pants because the foreplay is so fun. Clit isn’t everything

Pyrofox · Answer

Would u be able to learn to maybe enjoy intense just kinda other like cuddling.

Cause the girl I'm dating at the moment is pretty repulsed at the thought of sex but apsolutely is addicted. To when I let her do her intense cuddling and or kissing. I'm just thinking that maybe u can learn to enjoy the other parts of what it means to be in a intense romance.

Chris_8036 · Answer

Good luck with your surgery, I hope you recover and feel healthy.
I would date a woman with that issue. I was already married and i dealt with a sexually insatiable partner who let her vagina control her life basically.
I think you could find a much better connection with somebody if the relationship isn't just sex-based. Lots of men out there are very kind-hearted and empathetic. I do think there's a good chance you may find love.

Massageman · Answer

We actually know a lady whose husband left her in mid-course-of-treatment for another type of cancer. She wasn't exactly a glowing specimen of humanity, but her husband was a real creep. We were sorry to see this happen to her, as we are sorry to hear what you are going through.
If someone really loves you for YOU and not a body part, he will find you, you will find him, you'll find each other- but it will happen. Keep the faith, think positive.
If you need to talk with someone about this, feel free to call 1-800-A-FAMILY to speak to a counselor there. We will be praying for you.

BCA6010 · Answer

I dated a girl in college just a bit older than you who found out she was going to have to get a hysterectomy. She didn't take it well at all as you can probably imagine, but I stayed with her for more than a year later before we mutually decided to go our own ways over unrelated issues. Had it not been for that, we would probably have gotten married later on because to me, things like that were unfortunate but our relationship seemed like one in a million. The kind of love worth having goes far beyond just sexual pleasure.

MCheetah · Answer

Not all men care about sex. I'd be fine with a woman without a vulva, that I couldn't have sex with, if she was genuinely a good person, cared about me, and we had chemistry.

Not to sound harsh, but it's still thousands of times easier for a woman without a vulva to find a partner, than it is for a typical everyday man, let alone a man under six feet tall. (Biological) Women will NEVER have to worry about being alone, regardless of what medical conditions they have. So I think you'll be fine. Go on Tinder if you don't believe me.

Good luck with your surgery. I think you'll be fine though.

crmoore · Answer

I hope I word this nicely. But yes, it is possible. There are men out there who are asexual, for one example. Depending on whether you're okay with your future significant other having sexual activities with others also might open doors for someone who needs that gratification but might not be able to do it with you. I'm not suggesting you must be open to that, simply providing it as an option. I'm sure there are other options and possibilities that don't immediately come to mind, too. However, being realistic, I do see this being a problem for a lot of men. But if you want to remain positive and optimistic, statistically speaking, there are still many men out there who would be willing to be with you.

All that being said, I'm truly sorry to hear about this. I wish you the best of luck and I'll be sure to keep my fingers crossed for you.

TwiNshichamp1 · Answer

Ooh dear Iam so sorry for you. And the bad thing you're still a virgin this is so hard. You haven't even experienced what is like to have intercourse. Iam so sorry. I think you will get someone who understands you. You should just improve your skills on bed. Be blessed band I wish a lot of luck to you. Be bold and encouraged. Don't loose hope.

LazerBean · Answer

There is way more to love than just sex. I say just live your life to the fullest regardless of your relationship status, and remember that happiness does not require that we find a partner.

Anonymous · Answer

When do you go in for surgery? There are many alternatives that might save you from such a horror.
Here is just one example. Here he first recommends fasting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzPrxku1x5Y

Look up Gerson and cancer. Also there is oxygen therapy. As well as CBD Oil. Watch the video first.

PeterCruz · Answer

Do not worry about this at all.

Your life is a journey like everyone else’s. LOVE your body and cherish what you do have.

Trust me there a very happy relationship out there for you.

You can’t get everything in life, literally everyone has something that hold them back in some regard. Just be aware of who you are and roll with it. In 5-10 years you’ll likely look back on this with some wise and happy eyes

dynamicyandere · Answer

You can find love. You will need to find a man that loves you for your soul. There are men like that truly love a woman for their soul. You can know that the one who wants to be with you despite your vulvectomy, truly loves you. The same kind of men that will stay by their SO even after a terrible accident or a terminal illness. Men who truly care and whose love is true. You have hope because those men exist.

SimpleGuy95 · Answer

Sure you can find love because not every guy is looking for sex there are also infertile guys around that have a reduced and low libido.
I wish you all the best that you recover physically and mentally

Anonymous · Answer

I'm so sorry you are going though that. But I do think you can still find love with a man. Love is not only about sex, and even with your condition there are still sexual things you can do to connect and be intimate with your partner. You can adopt children and have a family with a man who loves you. I hope the surgery goes well and I wish you the best.

es20490446e · Answer

Having no vagina can be a problem if the guy wants to have children.

If he doesn't probably it isn't a deal breaker for many people.

As with anything in life just find someone that fits, and forget about the rest.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

You're more than your body and whatever injuries you've suffered.

Date a guy that already has kids, or join a poly family.

You can still offer love and companionship, and that's lots.

Get through your struggle, there's still lot's of good waiting for you. 🙂

clampfan101 · Answer

I guess I’m a unicorn, then. ;)
As much as I would love to experience sex, love will always be what matters most and I am willing to have a sexless marriage if need be. There are plenty of other ways to express romance, even if they don’t pack the same kind of punch. I want to learn how to dance with my future partner.

ItsAimee · Answer

If I was in your situation, I wouldn't be worrying about ever finding love. I would create a bucket list of the most craziest and stupidest things to achieve in my lifetime. Things like going skydiving, conquering a phobia, travel to every country on the planet, go on a reality tv show, break a world record etc. Make loads of friends and enjoy life to the fullest extent possible. And you never know, love just might find you!

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

I think you will find a man that makes those thoughts go away.
Personally it wouldn’t bother me for the right woman. However I would be very frustrated that all the pleasures that you should experience through sex would be none existent. Or limited.

monkeynutts · Answer

I think it's important to be optimistic, have hope for the future, try and surround yourself with loving and nurturing people, a man that really cares about you will love you no matter what, the sex thing is different for everybody, and I think experimenting when the time is right might help you figure out what you enjoy, and maybe somethings that don't work for you.

Antman7119 · Answer

Yes. You will find love. It’s possible. And honestly prob will be easier to find true love because you will filter out the ones that were in it for wrong reasons. Other ways to enjoy sexual relationship. Anal, oral, and other sensitive body parts. People paralyzed from waist down can still have orgasms without being able to feel anything or have erections. Can be neck, breast, ears. You’ll find right person and right ways to have fun sexually

jshm2 · Answer

Well, you would be offered the chance of plastic reconstruction surgery after the procedure. Suggest you take it.

BigNerd45 · Answer

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I'm certain that you'll find an amazing person who will love you just the way you are. I wish you the best of luck! 😊

crossdressingrihno · Answer

If theirs some kind of plastic surgery you can take them that might your chances. It wouldn't be the same but any improvement is an improvement.

If I'm being honest without a way to regain the asthetic your chances are going be lowered significantly.

I wish you the best and hope I can further advise down the line.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Oh jesus, I'm sorry for your situation. It sounds harsh as hell.

Charliefretz329 · Answer

Yes, I definitely think that you can still find love! Love is much more than just sex or genitals. I do think that it will narrow the field a bit but there are guys out there who will be ok with it!

DarkWinterNights · Answer

It’s definitely going to be harder than it would otherwise. But I don’t think it’s going to be as bad as you might think. It may be cliche and corny, but your personality and who you are as a person is far more important.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

There is much more to a relationship then sex. When you date for something more and you have something meaningful then when you marry a amazing man this kind of stuff won't matter anymore.

Eliteartistries · Answer

I think if a man is 100 percent committed and you know your the best you can be then that man will love you forever in one day so all the love you'll feel in a life time you'll get in a shorter life spans hell believe his best kind of true love will cure you

JohnK123 · Answer

What’s vulcetomy I didn’t search it up lol
and ya if we were same age or whatever and I didn’t have my person rn hahahaha I would totally wanna be with u if 1) we were friends and hung out AND 2) if u have a good personality
for me it’s personality above all else 🤷‍♂️

Anonymous · Answer

So sorry to hear this…let me just say that western medicine is so surgery focused, many people have cured their cancers with thc oil and strict vegan whole food diet, cleanses, fasting, I would explore other options before you let them scare you into doing something irreversible

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Oohh, I was thinking it was a throat or abdominal thing.. well to answer your question, uh, yeah. I mean, there’s always alternatives, and for the sake of being normal I suggest you choose carefully on which you select….

driven159 · Answer

I am sure you will find a guy at least you don't have to worry about a husband leaving you get it done early there might be a guy that can't make love but wants to love and there is more to love then just sex

Waldoe · Answer

Everyone is different... blind women find husbands... 1-legged women find husbands, God has a plan for you, if they offer reconstructive surgery, get it, you will feel better about yourself... God Bless

CaptainLegal · Answer

Damn that sucks. Yeah I think you can find love. It is what it is, you can't do anything about it, the most important thing is to make yourself feel better.

MrCommodore · Answer

Sorry to hear what you are going through, tough for a young person to deal with this.  Yes you will still find love, true love transcends everything else.

Exterminatore · Answer

My heart breaks for you. It wouldn’t stop me. Is there any way to have surgery to kinda fix it? If they can make an inverted penis into a vagina I have to believe there is some way to make it look more…. normal I guess would be the word.

humanearth · Answer

They can't even give you one like they do for men that have a sex change. Honesty, I don't know how they do that either, but its a idea I have

TexasRed95 · Answer

There are plenty of men that would want to be with you. Some guys have almost nonexistent sex drives, some are asexual, and like me some have trauma from their childhood that makes them nervous towards sex.

wolfunknown · Answer

Here's a thing about love, you don't fall in love with looks. If you do, it's lust.

garykingg · Answer

Honestly I wouldn't mind dating you at all, and I'm sure other men wouldn't mind dating you as well.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I don't think it matters WHAT kind of car she drives!

RuthlessAggression · Answer

Sure. But, Are you gonna make it? My grandma recently passed of colon cancer because she never got checked, and didn't want to fight it

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Damn! I'm sorry. 😰 I'm pretty sure I would still date someone in your situation, and I think a lot of other guys would as well. So please don't give up hope!

alex4you · Answer

Yes. Anything can happen. Do not lose hope. Love is much more important than carnal desires.

downtowndiner · Answer

You can 100% find love. If it’s only about a vulva for the guy, he’s probably not going to be the one.  Take care!

Birdlegs · Answer

I can be your Ken you little Barbie doll😭

litty · Answer

Sorry for your loss. That must be hard. A woman is more than just her vulva, so I’m certain you can find love.

Staximus · Answer

If it's not going to cause too much pain you might as well have sex before they do it

Kenzy009 · Answer

Yes, you will find a man, but you have to lower your standards

Zolly99999 · Answer

First I'm sorry to hear this..  Yes I'm sure you will find a caring loving man who will love you for you. . You just need patience.

Iron_Man · Answer

So sorry I don’t really understand what you’re talking about

Surely · Answer

Wow! Many well wishes. by the way. My wife has some bad cells in hers.

slatyb · Answer

So sorry. Yes, there are men who won’t care.

Guy13 · Answer

Are you In Christ Jesus?

athlete_7 · Answer

Yep. Love just needs commitment and trust

Agape93 · Answer

Of course you can

Twalli · Answer

Will you still want to have sex?

Do you think a woman without a vulva can find love with a man?

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