Dated a guy 7 years ago.. can’t get him off my mind to this day.. should I just send him a damn message?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy 7 years ago, we dated for 6 months.. awesome relationship. However, it was long distance and he broke up w/me which I still don’t know y. He seen me at the park once (3yrs later) w/my daughters, he stopped, talked, got my number and texted me a few times wanting to hang out which I did not cuz I was in a relationship. I still am w/the same guy I’ve bn w/since this ex-guy I dated (somewhat of a relationship) but there is nothing there anymore.. we haven’t even been intimate in 6 years.. we do our own thing we’re just comfortable where we’re at. And that’s just how it is. Anyway, this ex of mine, I cannot get off my mind, I feel like we were perfect for each other and I feel like I should just send him a fb message letting him kno how I feel.. the only thing stopping me is becuz his fb says he’s “in a relationship”.. n I don’t want to come between that.. but then I think that mine says that too but really I’m not in a relationship.. my “bf” n I bypass each other on our way to work once a week If tht, don’t talk, we live on the same property in 2 different houses.. (again, we’re just too comfortable where we’re at).. so tht label on fb doesn’t always mean that.. I use to put tht just for several reasons. Would you, if yr reading this, send a message to yr ex letting them know to this day, 7 years later.. that you still think of them, and your time together and leave the ball in their court as to the next move? And guys.. how would u feel/respond being in his position & getting a message from an ex girlfriend in regards to this? With or without being in a current relationship (if his fb relationship status is true & he is indeed in a relationship)? I truly do but know what to do.. n I don’t want to regret not ever saying anything but than I don’t want to regret saying anything lol I’m not a homewrecker.. & that’s why I’m struggling soo bad but my feelings are so strong that I feel I need to let him know and leave the next move up to him.. thoughts?

[OlderAndWiser]

The passage of time has a way of turning ordinary people into saints, and you may have done that with your memories of this guy. Remember that he broke up with you withoout any explanation.

In describing your current situation, "And that’s just how it is" doesn't really make a potential suitor feel very comfortable about you or your availability. To me that would be a huge red flag. HUGE!

You need to part ways with your current roommate and then maybe focus on finding someone else. Any guy who dates you now is gping to think that you are just desperate to have sex with someone and that will probably be the only reason for them to date you. Is that what you want?

[Asker]

No I actually don’t even want sex. I wldnt do anything w/him even given the opportunity. Cuz that’s just not me. I just want a chance to tell this guy my feelings. And while some May see my situation the way I’m seeing many responding to it as lol it’s not a relationship, we’re just 2 mutual people. He actually just called me and told me he hates me n there is nothing there anymore.. obviously. If others looked in on our situation, it’s a very odd situation. I’m just trying to save money to buy a place for my daughters and I.. is y I stay and like I said we help each other out cuz life is crazy expensive right now.. so it’s hard to explain my current situation. However, he wants more money from me & I’m not willing to give him more for a place he won’t fix but I can see where yr opinion is coming from but my situation is just so odd & different tht it’s really hard to explain. I mean I’m not trying to jump into a relationship with this ex.. I like to take things very slow & I think that is a reason he broke it off w/me cuz then the girl he dated 3 mo after me he dated for 2 months & they were engaged & married within 6 months.. which that obviously did not last even a year.. I just want to tell him how I feel and leave the ball in his court.. but The feedback I’m getting is telling me no lol

[Anonymous]

The one “who got away” broke up with me exactly 8 years ago last Sunday.

As usual it’s complicated what happened. I actually deeply loved her but didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time. I drove her into breaking up with me (regret how I did that). I didn’t cheat but I didn’t communicate either.

However she said one of the nastiest insults I have ever taken from a woman in my life a few weeks after we split (we met for business). Her voice was filled with shrieking disgust and treated me like I was less than human. It haunted me for years and years and years. I was in two other relationships since then. They didn’t end well either but I got over that quickly.

But you don’t know what I would give to hace a face to face conversation about what she said to me.

[Asker]

See.. I feel like unless someone has been in this situation, it’s hard for them to really understand. I was like that too with this guy.. we had an amazing time together but I was not all tht open with him n just kinda randomly did things without telling him (like spur of the moment tattoo/go out of town/etc) and I think that is why he broke it off with me and because I wasn’t super open with him.. at the time I was also going through an opiate (dr prescribed) addiction (dr stopped prescribing as thy didn’t want me addicted which at that point I had already developed a dependency for them) which he did not understand, & many don’t unless thy go through it themselves (which I now have taken care of after having surgery on my back-everything is good and back to normal now).. but while trying to come off the opiates I didn’tfeel comfortable being around him during that time cuz it makesu so sick and I think he read into that differently.. soo I think all those things came into play as to y he broke up with me.. and I honestly wish everytime I go out that I can just one time run into him and tell him how I feel.. but it hasn’t happened lol n my 18 yr old daughters keep pushing me to message him n just tell him how I feel but then I don’t want to look desperate.. cuz I’m not.. I just think him & I really shld give it another shot.. but I don't know. It’s hard. I’m sorry u went through that!! My advice would be to reach out to her, I’m sure if it’sbeen a long while, she’sgot to feel some way about it.. n maybe she’s like me and just too scared/afraid to be the one to reach out!

[Opinion Owner]

I actually did reach out to her back then by being friendly at first. She did respond but she was real curt. We had a brief phone call but it was like talking to a robot. Then about 5 years ago I wrote her a final email. I owned up to my mistakes, told the real reason I kept contacting her is because I wanted closure (not to get back together), told her how much her words devastated me in that incident, forgave her and moved on. She didn’t respond however I know she read it.

I later deduced what really happened It she f*cking cheated on me right before we broke up. She had to see me as less than human to make herself feel better about her bullshit. I never got it confirmed but there were signs from her at the time this very likely happened. She’s a radical liberal now. She’s in an environment that is telling her that her shitty behavior is justified.

[Opinion Owner]

I had to come to grips that I will never get closure from her. It’s one of the most agonizing relationship experiences I have ever been through in my entire life.

But anyway as for your situation. It recommend writing a letter first with no intention of sending it. Write it out and it will help organize your thoughts.

[Blueeyes81]

If I got a message from an ex while I was in a relationship I'd not be pleased. Secondly if she was in a relationship messaging me while I was in a relationship I'd wonder what I ever saw in her. Just let it go and find someone available.

[Asker]

Yea I get yr point, that’show it seems.. but I’m not really “in a relationship”.. he dishes out soo much emotional abuse I just don’t go near him anymore, but I just stay on the property cuz I’m trying to save money to buy a home for my daughters n I. And he lets me cuz I do help him bill wise & life is soo expensive that it just works for us like that/our situation. So that’s really all it is. He literally just called me and told me he “hates me”.. n that’s just a whole other issue but I’m so over him so I’m not even going into that.. i mean I get that IF he does have a girlfriend (that’s one of the main reasons I have not messaged him) I don’t want to disrespect him or her, I just want to let him know, 7 years later my feelings are just as strong as before and he can do with that as he pleases. I just don’t want the regret of never saying anything, cuz it’s bn 7 years and my feelings haven’t changed n I’m just wasting time (on my end).

[Guy13]

Don’t use him to get out of a current relationship you are not happy in…and jerk him around.

[Asker]

From “we pretty much do our own thing, were just comfortable”.. we are basically not together. He goes out/talks to girls.. idc. N he’s said he doesn’t care what I do. I basically stay in his property (he owns a house w/multiple small condo houses around it-I stay in the big house w/my teenage daughters n he chooses to stay in one of the condo houses).. cuz rent is crazy expensive right now and his mortgage is crazy expensive.. so we pretty much just help each other out. So that isn’t really the issue for me… cuz we each do us anyway.. but.. if you were my ex and I sent you a message telling you I thght of u still for the past 7 years n the feelings were still strong.. how would you take that? And how would u take that if you had a current girlfriend? Considering our time together back than was amazing.. we had tons in common/same interests/etc… would you even respond back to me?

[kinggeorge007]

Test the waters first. Send a friendly message first and see how he's doing. If he's not in a serious relationship, you can get to the topic. Easy peasy.

[KeithLane]

Yes go for it. If he is all that, do what you got to do or you will be wondering the rest of your life.

[Jamesshinobi]

Ben Afleck and JLO got bacl together, anyone can. he is probably happily married though. good luck.

[jimmy2]

God bless you just know the grass not grenne on the other side of the femce

[Asker]

Oh I definetly know that. My daughters (their twins n 18) n I just feel like I’m wasting my life being where I am and not trying to move on to find the right person (which I feel is truly my ex).. the guy I’m with but “not with” currently.. don’t give 2 shits about my girls or myself.. he hates me.. he even tells my girls that.. soo my girls are very adamant that I go out w/someone on a date & move on.. n quit wasting time.. but the only person I really like is my ex.. our time together/relationship.. soo that is y I feel like I should just put it out there for him and let him decide.. I just don’t know if I actually should or not. He did try to get me to hang out with him 4 years ago but I didn’t cuz I was happy w/the guy I’m with/not with currently lol than he added me last year on fb.. was friends w/me for a week n than he just randomly deleted me a week later.. so I feel like maybe he does feel the same as I do.. cuz why do that? N why get to the point of actually being upset with me for not hanging out with him 4 years ago (I didn’t tell him I was in a relationship than cuz I felt like it was no one’s business).. but he hit me with the “when u care about someone you will find time/make time for that person…” because he wanted to hang out with soo badly.. idddddkkkkk 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[Avicenna]

Not until you’re actually single

[Asker]

From “we pretty much do our own thing, were just comfortable”.. we are basically not together. He goes out/talks to girls.. idc. N he’s said he doesn’t care what I do. I basically stay in his property (he owns a house w/multiple small condo houses around it-I stay in the big house w/my teenage daughters n he chooses to stay in one of the condo houses).. cuz rent is crazy expensive right now and his mortgage is crazy expensive.. so we pretty much just help each other out. So that isn’t really the issue for me… cuz we each do us anyway.. but.. if you were my ex and I sent you a message telling you I thght of u still for the past 7 years n the feelings were still strong.. how would you take that? And how would u take that if you had a current girlfriend? Considering our time together back than was amazing.. we had tons in common/same interests/etc… would you even respond back to me?

[Avicenna]

I wouldn’t respond to that unless I was single and still had done interest. I suspect it’s the same for him.

[888theGreat]

Long distance relationships never work

[Asker]

Yea I’m pretty sure thts y he broke up with me last time. He does now live in the same town as as I do.

[theone_]

Yeah mesage him whats the harm in that

[Anonymous]

No, let it go.

[Iron_Man]

It’s about time

[In_Trance]

Nope

[Talkingtotheone]

ugh w/e

[Asker]

You would think “ugh whatever” if u received a message from an ex that u had an amazing time time fling with?