What should you do if a guy/girl pulls away?

Question

Assume the context is you guys were "talking", which means that you guys liked each other and weren't exclusive yet but weren't interested in other people. What I mean by each option:

Cut them off: completely stop initiating contact, reply when needed but don't initiate contact
Pull away also: give them space, act how they are acting, be a little more distant when they come back
Pretend you didn't realize: act completely normal
Ask what happened: present your findings and ask why they haven't been the same

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Let them go.
Speaking from past experience, that usually means that: 1) they have someone else of interest in their sights or, 2) they realize they don't like you as much as they initially thought they did, so they're gradually "ghosting" you until they stop all contact.

I don't have time for games anymore. The moment a guy, or really anyone (friends do it too!) starts acting that way? I treat them like they treat me: like they don't exist.
I no longer beg or reach out to them first.

I may give them a courtesy text or message to "check in" and see how they respond. If it's a generic, "Oh I've been busy, but I didn't forget about you!" type of response- that's your red flag. Because no matter how busy someone else, they will make time for you if they really like you! Even if it's just a simple hello, or sending you a cheesy meme.

I've had people pull away from me a lot over the years- I used to be that person that would send any type of text or message in a vague attempt to get a reply. And yeah, they will reply... but it never lasts long. It wasn't until I got older that I got the hint: stop putting effort into relationships if it's not a mutual.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

First Ask them how they are doing to see if there is anything major actually going on or if its just some 'excuse'. Then, Pull away and let them show how interested they are.

If you're playing the I haven't heard from them for days, maybe I'll hear from them today, try this:

text 'dtf?' Or some variant
See how fast they reply, and then drop them, immediately because they clearly have no interest in you as a person. They do not get to pass go, sleep with you, or collect $200 lol.

roxbby · Answer

I’d say communicate. The number one reason why relationships don’t work out is because of communication.

They’re probably overwhelmed with a new relationship and commitment because some people are not so ready to be exclusive—they just get that gut feeling of fear. I’d say to communicate but don’t push commitment on them too much (Don’t tell them you want to stay with them forever or anything on those lines—just say you’re patient and will take things at their pace, and don’t show signs of feeling otherwise). It takes some people to ease up, but obviously be reasonable—if you’re dating for a year and he’s scared of commitment, he’s a piece of shit (obvs). But some people get scared of commitment when it’s early (I’m like that, but it’s not because I’m a player—it just scares me when I don’t know someone well enough.) Just be more patient and don’t tell them how the relationship is so serious—take things day-to-day.

It’s another thing when you’re together for a longer period of time (4 months or more). They probably started to lose feelings and/or found someone else, and maybe they kept you around as backup. They definitely don’t sound ready for a relationship if they’re pulling away after a few months, but definitely make sure to communicate without hinting any pressure on them to be committed or else they’ll probably run the hell away).

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Confront him/her.

My fiance, boyfriend at the time, pulled away to the point I felt like a roommate. We did the cat and mouse chase where I was always asking him nicely what's wrong and being as loving/concerned as possible, while he pulled away more.

One day I got upset and ask, "Why are you scared of me?" This threw him off because why would I see him as fearful. he's avoiding me, can't talk to me, etc, in my mind that's scared. At that point he had to say something because I'm misunderstanding his behavior. From there, after some work, patience, and time we got much better.

This won't work for everyone, especially if they are abusive. If you're in an abusive relationship, leave.

ZackBan · Answer

Stupid games get you nowhere.
You want something to happen? You gotta charge forward.

That means you ask them out, keep the conversation fun and flirty but make your intentions very clear. It's the only way to get what you want assuming the other person wants it too

MoniqueTLC · Answer

I'd give them their space. There's a lot to it but this might help;
https://www.theloveconsultants.com/why-do-guys-go-hot-and-cold/
Especially when a guy pulls away, it can either be perceived as a tactic to keep a girl interested, or, they might feel they're becoming too attached and need to create some distance again to regain their sense of 'independence'

Smoothing · Answer

I would say none of those options are helpful. Talk to each other at a time when you are both willing to be honest with each other. Don't pressure each other. Do not hint. Hinting gets you know where in such situations. Be direct and yet polite and kind to each other. Most of all be patient with each other and don't involve other people in the mix who may give you the wrong advice. It will make things worse and get the both of you know where. Dialogue is of the almost importance.

jhl_x · Answer

I think those are all stages of the same timeline. Everyone eventually does more than one or all out of these 4 options, or at least I did.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Disappear. That’s really the only choice for modern men. Attempting to contact a woman who has withdrawn is “pushy” or “creepy”; an example of “toxic masculinity”. Literally all of your examples are considered toxic when men behave that way. These are privileges of women alone. While disappearing may also be toxic, it’s the least likely to land a man in jail.

exitseven · Answer

I would tell her we were meant to be together. I would tell her that I will be with her forever and never leave her side.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Thats if i didn't push them away…

Blackcosmo · Answer

Pull away also: give them space, act how they are acting, be a little more distant when they come back. Although I won't keep this up for too long. Eventually I'll ask straight out what's going on.

anon1903 · Answer

I honestly wouldn't have realised it. If I did, I'd offer them space. If they don't contact me after sometime, it eans it's over.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

If I'm invested, when someone pulls away or gets cold feet, I'll give them a chance to let me know what's going on. If they do it again, I block them

Anonymous · Answer

Communication is key, so I will ask them what’s up. But if they won’t tell me what’s going on or worse, leave me hanging then I will gladly walk away.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Pull away as well because I get hurt easily. I hate this hot and cold thing. It's quite natural but some people act more like they play you.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Ask what happens but I hate chasing guys and making them a priority only to have them make me a option.

Marshymallow · Answer

I usually just pull away too but then if I really really care then I might just ask what’s up.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Either pull away also or ask what happened, depending on my mood

dolemite89 · Answer

if she’s intentionally doing the pull away to gauge if i’m more interested than her and than she is in me, i will not chase her or try to hit her up again. You can’t fall for their bs when women try to test you.

Wise4myage · Answer

Id do my best to find out why.

Anonymous · Answer

Let her go

b0nfire187 · Answer

I always pull away

What should you do if a guy/girl pulls away?

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