Boyfriend wants to quit career and I'm upset?

[Anonymous]

After a big argument with his boss he wants to not only quit this job-but his career. He's an eye doctor and now he wants to do some sort of manual labor and maybe work 1 or 2 shifts a week at the eye place...
It seems like such a waste of education and a career and I'm kind of turned off.

I don't even use his money so before you start calling me a gold digger that ISN'T why, we don't share any financial related things..

What do I do?

You're not wrong for feeling that way

You're wrong for feeling that way

Other

[DaveJord]

Honesty I don't think you're wrong. I dated and married a women who never lived up to the person I thought she was or claimed to be. I stood by her and tried my best but everything just spiraled. I was supportive but never happy and over time it was disastrous.

I mean this guy hit a wall or bump in the road with in his career and his answer is to give up and just quit? I am that tells you a lot about this person's character, and is a red flag, because if he can give up on something so easily that he's worked and invested so much into, then what's that mean for the future of your relationship?

Now you don't want to force him into doing something just for you... because he will resent you for it later. But at the same time you want him to find reasons to stick with it for himself.

Regardless you have to be honest with him and your feelings, if you want your feelings to matter in the relationship you have to make them known, relevant and set boundaries. So how, if, and when you decide to do that is up to you not him.

[Asker]

To be fair he has been working there for almost 20 years

[DaveJord]

Yeah that's completely different 20 years.. support your man.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I think you are right to be upset, in such a situation many people would be upset. Being an eye doctor is a well-paid and highly prestigious profession, and for him to quit it like that must be quite the shock.

However, in the end the decision is his, as it's a matter of his own happiness and self satisfaction - what you can do, is let him know your opinion on the whole thing and then decide where to take the relationship from there.

That said, it's not unusual for people with higher educations and prestigious career to decide to quit in favor of a "lesser" and manual career. My own wife, after toiling endlessly to get the qualifications to become a nurse - a difficult profession to get into in my country - has decided to quit and become a butcher like her parents. She said that she finds more peace and satisfaction in making good food than the stress of nursing.

It happened in History as well - Roman emperor Diocletian, who led the empire out of a state of chaos and founded the Tetrachy, was one of the few emperors to actually retire (on their own will) from the office. While retired the former emperor took a liking to farming cabbages.
He famously replied after being asked to come out of retirement and fix the mess that Constantine (the Great) and co. made: "If you could show the cabbage that I planted with my own hands to your emperor, he definitely wouldn't dare suggest that I replace the peace and happiness of this place with the storms of a never-satisfied greed."

[NathanDavis]

if he is no longer happy with his current situation... then he is wasting his soul away at that job

now, his education has not been a waste of anything, I assume he has made a good living out of it for what, 15, 20, 25 years? it has paid off (unless he became a doctor five years ago, which I doubt)

unhappiness kills your soul, day by day... if he's looking for something different that will bring him any joy back, then he could just try that out and if it doesn't work out, then he could always go back to his practice, right?

[qwert1234]

You have every right to feel that way and he has every right to decide his career.

All you can do is advice him, tell him the pros and cons. Up to him to either pursue whatever career he wants.

But personally, if it happened to me, it's a red flag for me. I grew up middle class, but my parents always taught me the value of money. And we had some tough times before. Money is not the most important thing in life, but it's one on the top of the list.

[crossdressingrihno]

I mean being upset about it isn't unreasonable

Generally I wouldn't suggest throwing away a career but what really matters here is if he can maintain financial stability. If he can continue with financial stability then while I understand you being upset it's not a big deal

[DrewJay]

He always has his dr degree to fall back on so why not let him go for it. If you dont let him or support him and he choses to stay and not try it might grow into something else. And really you think of he leaves being an eye dr there he will have a heard rime finding another job as an eye dr? Or is he leaving like a bension or a retirement behind by quiting?

[Chaser3232]

I didn’t feel you all give him some time sort things out. Maybe he just needs some time away from the headaches, and combativeness of the job. Support him, and just be there when he makes his decision.

[shortster]

What was the argument about? If it is petty you should probably dump him. If it was principled you should try to support him in finding a new practice. Him quitting being a doctor sounds ridiculous. First no one is going to hire him; and even if they did he'd probably be sick of it in a week.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

You’re right for feeling this way because he is not maximizing his full potential and is settling for himself. Sometimes you don’t see it when you yourself are the person

[Guardian45]

You need to listen to him. Ask him to help you understand why he quit his job and what he wants to do? Ask a lot of Qs and be VERY SUPPORTIVE. Eventually, he will find his equilibrium.

[Grond21]

I need to know a lot more detail and it sounds like you do also. Where is his heart at, and why?

[enocheli]

I do not date