I always get nervous when my boyfriend goes out to parties, what can I do to get over it?

[postitnotebanana]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, he likes to party a lot, especially with his work colleagues. My boyfriend doesn't have the greatest control of his alcohol content and also has trouble remembering anything he's done when drunk. I don't like the idea of him either drinking too much and getting flirty with another girl while I'm not there or losing control of how much he's drinking and does something stupid (We are currently LDR at the moment.) We have had a rocky relationship recently but decided to stick together and work on it and while our relationship has improved, it's still been a bit hard for me to gain his trust back slowly, I do love him but I am concerned and honestly jealous and insecure.

What can I do to relieve my nerves? (Dumping/Breaking up with him is not an option I want to take.)

[Anonymous]

Hear me out. I just got out of a ldr, and it was the best thing. I don't even want to get into details of how he treated me like shit. However, relationships can only work off honesty and communication. Have you spoken to him about this? Have you told him it makes you uncomfortable with hoe much he drinks? Has there been any reason to suggest he would flirt with other girls? Maybe he has a flirty personality when drunk? Either or, please tell him this. Secondly, why does he drink that much? I struggle with alcohol too, but I would never drink that much if my man was there. he knows who would rub up on you. Please talk with him about this. if he can't handle piping down on the alcohol, then it is definitely time to find yourself a mature man. I wish you nothing but the best with your relationship. I know the difficulties of ldr. On my end, it feels so much better without him. Good luck!

[postitnotebanana]

He does have a very flirtatious and open personality when he drinks, he is also a bit of a wild one and likes the attention and crowds, overall he is very extroverted. Usually, he consumes an average (After 2 beers is when he starts to get flushed) amount but then his buddies try to coerce him or encourage him to keep on drinking and partying until whenever everyone leaves. I have told him he does need to cut down on the alcohol which he does do when he is not at his job (He works in a nightclub as a bartender) I also don't have trust in his friends, especially his female friends, they usually try to get close to him by acting "friendly' but have ulterior motives that suggest otherwise (I have met them personally and they did not seem pleased.) I don't trust his friends and I have a hard time trusting him even though it's something we are working on.

[Opinion Owner]

That is a major problem. Have you explained to him the concerns about the friends, especially for the girls? They clearly have zero respect for you, and that is a major issue. But in saying that, your man should be mentally strong enough to tell them no. If he so easily lets himself drink more because they say so, then what else will he listen to next? I am not trying to say anything bad about him, but it sounds so concerning that he is acting like this. He is surrounding himself with the wrong crowd, and eventually, he will fall into doing something stupid. You shouldn't even need to be telling his friends to back off or treat you with respect. They all seem shit. You need to tell him how it truly makes you feel. Tell him you don't mind him drinking, but it's just that you don't trust his friends. If he ever turns on you about it one day by saying, "You made me lose my friends", then you will truly see hid true intentions. Please put yourself first. He should be more understanding because you are in ldr. It wouldn't be too worrying if you were nearby. And the fact that he gets flirtatious when drunk, but still does it... I am not saying to break up with him rn, but you need to have a very serious discussion with him. It's not fair that you're sitting at home, super far away from him, and having to worry about him getting drunk. it's really immature of him. If he wants that life, he shouldn't drag you through the heartache of it.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Realize that he could cheat on you without going to parties, so... if he is going to, not much you can do to stop it.

You just have to trust him until he gives you reason not to.

[jahaims]

If he can cheat while he is drunk he will do it while sober as well.

[Metelda]

talk to him about it.. if he loves you or into you then he will understand your insecurity if not he is not worth your time..

[Avicenna]

Do you trust the people he goes out with?

[postitnotebanana]

No. The people he hangs out with are usually his coworkers who like to coerce him into drinking more alcohol and also encourage him to do stupid things and do it with stupid people who usually have ill intentions. I have met these people before and have partied with them, and they are not a good influence on him.

[Avicenna]

Then you need to make it clear to him that he can’t keep doing that

[In_Trance]

Why is breaking up not an option?

[postitnotebanana]

I do love him, We have a great relationship together before we had our recent problems (A lot of it has to do with mental health circumstances and external stress that caused problems) and usually spend a lot of time together and enjoy each other's company, so I personally do not want to leave him and that is something I have thought long and through before coming to that conclusion, so I rather not get answers telling me to do so.