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Depends on the reason why she did it, I don't like people who are like ohhh I'm anti violence, what if she found out that he's been cheating on her all along right after they had sex and she's still in bed with him, I'd understand 100% why she'd smack him clean in the head, now for men it's different because we're more aggressive, but I still think it'd depend on the reason although the pool of reasons for men is too limited, like just leave and never talk to her again bruv, but I don't know how I'd feel in a very bad situation, like what if she was going insane about something useless then she starts insulting my manhood calling me a pussy shoving me or whatever and getting all in my face screaming like crazy, would I still be calm? Would anyone still be calm?
I work through things I don’t quit
There is no such thing as a perfect partner. For me it depends on how long he and I been together. Having a stranger find out my number just to warn me about potential abuse is a lot of effort, just drama waiting to happen. It could either be a crazy ex that's still in love with him or a legitimate warning, either way the fact that it's happening is scary and will make me rethink the relationship just to see if I missed any red flags.
No matter what I'll talk to him about it, but from there it will depend on his reaction to the news.
People who give themselves permission to do someone so horrific will not change in my opinion. There is always that battle inside them to not do it again. Which means it could always happen again. Absolutely ended.
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26Opinion
A marriage is supposed to make you happy, if your miserable, why are you there?
This is tricky, why did they hit their ex? Did they walk in on them screwing someone else and lost it at that moment? or are they a perpetual domestic violence case?
For me usually as long as they NEVER hit me, what happened in the past is the past.
Then again, I did have a cheating ex that got in the way of me vandalizing his car, so one could say I hit him a few times... all he had to do was not get in the way though, so in a way he kind of did it to himself... its like putting yourself in front of a moving train and then wondering why it hit you.
I honestly don't know, cause that is ONE big giant red flag! Then again, you're saying they're otherwise "perfect." But how could they be if they were abusive? My ideal partner could never possibly be abusive, not even in self-defense.
I'd have to have a serious talk with them about this to see how remorseful they were, what triggered this abuse, and if they truly have changed. But yeah, that's a BIG f*ckin' red flag! Especially if the scenario is someone else saying they were the abused party and the partner themselves not even ever admitting it. Then I'd have to see who is telling the truth and who is lying.
You really should've put an "I don't know" option here. This is one of the few times it warrants it.
If i saw some of the typical signs myself, i’d definitely dump her. Wouldn’t even need cues from the ex. A LOT of women are abusive because as a society we don’t tell girls and women not to hit boys and men the same way we tell boys and men not to hit girls and women. In fact, women hitting men is not only condoned but celebrated. Literally every woman i’ve ever dated would hit me for any reason or no reason at all. Furthermore, we don’t teach boys and men to know what abuse is and to not accept it. Instead we’re told that if a woman abuses us we must deserve it. My mother was abusive so it took me decades to figure out that wasn’t normal or right.
I'd break up. I've just lived with 2 housemates who were a couple and fought a lot and it escalated to physical fights sometimes mostly it was the girl who said leave me alone slammed the door but then came back out of the room a few minutes later and threw stuff at him or poured coffee on his pc or tipped over his bookshelf or threw water in his face she was not happy until she could be the victim so she'd push until something happened that she could blame him for. And I'm not gonna deal with anything like that in my own relationship.
Some people change. Many people are capable of change.
Personally, I don't find abusive people that capable of change. I don't speak to my parents because of this.
Maybe that absuer will change, but it's easy to find people to date who've never abused their exes.
So I'll be refusing that defective abuser and going with a normal, healthy human without abusive tendencies.
Abusers can stay single and lonely for their whole miserable lives, for all I care. It's what they deserve.
s well, first of all I would ask him… I wouldn’t want to make a full judgement of my partner based on what someone else has told me, and I do hope, that he’s being honest but I’ll also be doing my own investigation if he seems fishy…
but if he has gotten professional help for his issues and all, and he’s been good for a while, then I would not let his past affect us like that… but if it was recent and he claims “he’s a different person” even tho he has done absolutely nothing to work on those issues that make him violent then I don’t think I would want to take that risk of putting myself in a space where I could get hit by him… I would end the relationship because that would just seem like he’s not ready to face his issues and I don’t want that kind of thing to backfire on me later…
Depends how invested I was in the relationship. If it's been with them 2 years with no problems versus 2 months. Am I planning children with them.
At the very least, you've been forewarned. You discuss it with your partner. The answers better be honest, full and good. And they are on notice that if that happens with me, there's no going back.
Do people change? Not really. They can find different parts of who they are. And it's possible previous circumstances and their ex contributed to their behaviour.
Don't risk your future and marriage with someone with violence tendencies but then again do investigate without your partner's knowledge to see the truthfulness of what the so-called abused person is. Separate your heart from your brain and close your eyes to think of all possiblity including the worst one, keep your trust on him aside, don't comfort him alone when you're done.
Five words : Don't give him a clue!!!
I simply do not think that is fair. Everyone needs an opportunity to make their own mistakes. One never knows the dynamic in previous relationships and assumptions can make an ass out of both you and me. Now, if I was attacked someway twice, I would have to get out of there as the pattern of past has moved into the current dynamic. I could not raise a child in that environment and such thoughts would be in forefront of my mind...
People are capable of changing, but it involves deep soul searching. There are men who have went to prison for 30+ years. Being behind bars and getting freedom again makes them appreciate life being locked away for decades. I do agree that people who are always sinister and let those feelings manifest inside of them forever won’t change. They will verbally or physically abuse the partner, one after the next. But again, people can change. A person can feel awful for hitting their significant other and live with that guilt and shame for the rest of their life but will be willing to change and be at peace.
I do think drugs and alcohol makes things worse. But I will say this, I’ve seen the ugliness and true colours of people during the pandemic. I’ve seen road rage. I’ve seen people who can’t control their temper. We are perfect. Someone can be the “perfect” spouse in the others eyes but treat others in society like shit…That’s not acceptable either.
I wouldn't say people change, but they can learn and grow up
A young man who beat his girl may learn to control his anger after many years of hard lessons, or he might not.
I would avoid them if I was a girl. For guys who beat women, their definition of "changing" might just consist of really loud yelling and threats. But hey, he doesn't hit her so he's "not that guy" anymore!
So just to be clear, (because the way I read it seems to be contradictory lol), the person you are dating IS the abuser? If so, it would depend if they've done any "work" to change that behavior or not. It's a red flag for sure and something to definitely talk about.
Well... It depends if hitting was regular or one thing. There is a difference between an abuser or accidentally hitting someone or even being a victim of a abusive relationship and they decide to hit that person or a person that cheated and they were angry and they hit their partner.
Can't vote. I would need to investigate. The truth is that you would experience grooming behaviors prepping you for abuse. Those should be enough for you to exit stage left before it gets worse.
People can change, sometimes they do and sometimes they dont, but it’s up to them and you have to take a decision accordingly without assuming they will change because nothing guarantees that
There's no worse feeling than when you scoot past all the red flags... And then end up in the ditch. You can only blame yourself.
Kind regards,
DoctorSex
Well, I’d be concerned but I’d want to know more. If it happened to me then I’d consider breaking up
I would never hit a woman and expect the same respect in return. If somebody pisses you off to the point that you want to hit them, you can just turn around and walk away instead. unless you are under attack, there is no need to hit people.
I would find out this stuff before getting serious with anyone and I would leave them because if they can do it once they can do it again.
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